What was that one moment in your life when you stopped and said… “I need to find God?”… what made that first door open?
For me it was just a dumb, but persistant scientific way of going about things. I had a feeling that there was somehow more to life, but I couldn’t figure out how to connect with it.
I tried finding God because I had tried everything else and wasn’t truly happy. So I decided to give it my all as an experiment to see what happened. Actually I subsequently moved away from the quest several times until I realized it was the only thing that had any effect on my life.
Then began a new quest to find the best method of finding God. Christianity, Esoteric Buddhism, trying to find him without religion, SRF, AYP. So far this is an excellent path!
Hari Om
… HE found me.
agnir satyam rtam brhat Frank in San-Diego
I never wanted to find God. As a matter of fact religion always annoyed me and I had no interest whatsoever in going to services. On the other hand a sense of the interconnectedness of all things through the natural world has always captivated me. My feeling has been that “God” was always a cheap man made imitation of that great mystery and that teh idea of all of this worship that peopel seem to get involved in seems entirely besides the point from my perspective. On the other hand, learning to quiet oneself and listen makes a whole lot of sense
I remember being pretty young about 5 or 6 years old and asking my mum what was before God? How did we get here, what happens when we die? etc. When I was 16, my dad introduced me to meditation; it was a more a new age kind of thing back then, I was interested in spirituality but more in a self exploration kind of way. What really got my attention was much later on when kundalini introduced herself, it was something I could not turn away from, my spiritual search became my life’s primary focus instead of being in the background.
I am more like Victor with the word God. To me, I felt part of the universe, that was more my sense of God. I believed in a natural life intelligence that was behind all things, I saw it operate too often in my life to deny.
It’s funny I notice myself using the past-tense as I describe this, I still have this perspective today, but now my connection to it all is my question.
I’m not endorsing drug use in any way, but: The first time I did Ecstacy (at a Friday the 13th costume party). I remember saying to myself “I need to find a way to feel like this without drugs”. To me, it was a sneak preview of what was to come.
Then a spiritual crisis followed, with lots of self-sabotage and struggle. A very slow spiritual growth started happening in the midst of the chaos. Then I received an unsolicited email, inviting me to the AYP website. It was all uphill from there 
well since you mention drugs, I have to admit that psychedelics played a pretty large role in my seeking perspectives beyond our usual accepted reality. I no longer take them ecxept for very very rare occasions but I honor them greatly as being a tool for awakening
Likewise Victor,
RICHARD
Anthem,
Your whole post resonated with me. Especially:
“my spiritual search became my life’s primary focus instead of being in the background.”
I think it must have been nice to have grown up in a house where your parents were meditating. And beautiful that your dad introduced you to it! I regret having taken a break in mediation while raising my children. I hope I don’t make that mistake in my next go-round.
Light and Love,
Kathy
Hari Om
Hello VIctor,
I kinda found religion to get in the way… I do not associate God/spirit with the religion seen today… is it a bad thing, no.
Yet is it doing its job of bringing one to the realization that
‘I am THAT’…
agnir satyam rtam brhat Frank in San-Diego
I always had a strong curiosity, and a sense that there was something ‘more’ available around the corner. There were never enough, or adequate, answers to my questions.
It was in that spirit that I was led to try meditation. My first meditation opened the door.
Interesting topic Shanti,
I remember in my High School years, particularly at Mennonite summer camp one year sitting in a circle around the camp fire, singing “… ask and …, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened up to you…” It was from a New Testament verse. I felt teary when I sang it. I wanted something indefinable.
This week I’m reading Elaine Pagles’ book “the Gnostic Gospels.” She says that one orthodox writer criticized the Gnostics who, using that same verse, were on a constant search, never finding. The orthodox knew when they had found “the truth” and they stuck with it.
I think I’m more like the Gnostics in that respect, always seeking something more, never finding “it.”
Bewell
Bewell, My ancestors on my dad’s side were German mennonites who fled russia and came to the midwest US for religious freedom.
My maternal grandfather was the eldest son of a buddhist monk in japan. He had to be a monk, die, or leave the country. He stowed away on a freighter to the US at 17.
Etherfish, Thanks for sharing that. I’m curious, when and where did your parents meet? Bewell
In Oregon, 1940’s. My dad was a conscientious objector during WWII and worked in an alternative service camp to fight forest fires. My mom (now deceased) was not required to stay in the internment camp for the japanese with her parents. so they met when my dad was on leave from the camp. They both loved music.
I remember I was very young when I saw a brutal scene on TV by accident for the first time. It was too hard to believe and accept it. Then I look at the sky full of stars, and a full moon there was an ocean of silence, joy and infinity connecting me to somewhere else. It was like promising me love and peace.
Still I do not know what it was. I have experienced the same feeling in many different places and times. That was the first time I believed that there is something huge – way bigger than the earth life - exists.
Love and light
Maryam
Brutality and trauma can actually produce an epiphany sometimes, though they are not usually to be recommended as a path, for obvious reasons.
Maryam - I recently had an experience similar to this. I watched a brilliant movie, at the end of which was a brutal and terrifying scene. I knew it was coming throughout the entire film, but had no idea how horrifying it would be. As I watched the scene, my heart opened wide and wider, and I had the most amazing ecstatic experience. I felt closer to something than I’d felt in a long time, and it has been with me ever since, although not with its original intensity.
Openings come in strange ways.
“…the eldest son of a buddhist monk in japan. He had to be a monk, die, or leave the country.”
Etherfish, Could you add a little context to that statement? Could observant monks have sons? Why the need to be a monk or die?
I’m not sure. his dad was some kind of big shot monk and that was the requirement. Might have to do with not making your family look bad or something.