Namaste…
Recently I had it proposed to me that monogamy is unnatural and that it limits the ability for Divine expression by not allowing intimate encounters with human beings other than your partner should an appropriate opportunity arise. I, being in a marriage and growing up with parents who were monogamous and preached it as well, have a hard time accepting this. But being as that I try to see every feeling of uncomfort as an opportunity to Inquire, I have started to inquire into whether or not I feel that monogamy is limiting or not. As with everything else I realize that this is an individual thing, but I wondered if anyone else here had any thoughts or comments on whether or not they think monogamy is appropriate or not.
Love,
Carson 
P.S> Moderators please feel free to move this to the Inquiry section if it would be more appropriately placed there.
Perhaps I should give a hypothetical example…
Lets say that one particular individual in a marriage has an inclination towards sex of the “non-physical” kind, they enjoy mating with all their chakras and not just the lower one…Their partner does not have this same inclination. Should the first individual come across another person who is instantly seen as sharing the same inclinations towards sex as themselves, is it unhealthy to engage in sexual activity with this person? There are pro’s and con’s on both sides I think. Engaging in it may be a wonderful push in one’s spiritual evolution, but it will likely cause upset with their vowed partner. Not engaging may create more desire then was previously there, but the marriage would not be “sullied”.
Please understand this is totally hypothetical and merely something I am inquiring into because I found myself having uncomfortable feelings when this was brought up.
Love,
Carson
Hi Carson,
The only reason I’m sticking my oar in here is that like you I’m the child of monogamous parents (from a time when that wasn’t fashionable) and have been monogamous myself for nearly 18 years - and actually I do understand the question of spirito-sexual incompatibility (I’m trademarking that phrase…) to a certain extent.
What I feel strongly is that sex and the urge for sex isn’t the slightest bit ‘bad,’ inherently, but the qualities of loyalty and honesty are unequivocally good.
I’ve given the concept of Shakti a lot of thought. It would be wonderful to have a Tantric partner - not a sex partner in any recognizable sense - with whom to follow the Path. I’m talking about the esoteric tradition, not the neo-Tantric tradition. But I seriously doubt that, in our culture, it would be anything but a gross betrayal of my wife, however hard I tried to sell it (“No, honest love, she’s like my vicar… no, wait… I’m only doing it with God…”)! 
I’m guessing it all comes down to bhakti anyway. I see my ishta as my everything, and as She is female it is a very intense relationship, including romantically and sexually (though not with any physical manifestations of the latter). I honestly don’t think any flesh and blood Shakti could ever take Her place. And the intense love I have for my wife is all part of that anyway.
Ramblings of a married man! Did that make sense at all?
Cheers,
g
Hey Carson,
Is the person who proposed this to you single or in a relationship? Personally, I think it matters. In times when I’m single (which is most of the time), polyamory sounds appealing. It sounds enlightened, in fact… no attachment to the other person as “mine”… But when I’m in a relationship or think about “the one”, monogamy feels right.
I can appreciate the view that monogamy is limiting, but when you’re in that situation, and you’re with the right person, do you still desire other people?
With Love
cosmic
Hi cosmic…
This has popped up a couple of times recently through a few different sources in a few different ways. One person is in a “difficult” relationship, kinda on again off again…another person was single…and I read about this in one of the “chapters” of the Ra Material as well, so the person then wasn’t even a person, it was “Group Soul Ra”… 
Sounds hokey I know. Anyways, I basically agree with what you’ve said.
Love,
Carson
Hi Carson 
Interesting topic ( 
)
It may sound weird, but today, I can see that freedom is to be placed above everything else.
Love cannot be without unconditional freedom.
If the partner feels that relating to another one than me, whatever the relating, it has nothing to do with “me”.
We all have a desire to ‘expand’… and whenever we feel something/someone is limitating our expansion, why should we cut this energy off? To prevent our initial partner from suffering?
Why should there be suffering? If my partner truly/deeply loves me, he should be able to love me regardless of my choices…
Otherwise, I’m a bird in a golden cage…
About 2 weeks ago, it’s 99% sure I wouldn’t have talked like this…
But after long, tough inner work and inquiry, I came to this simple fact: freedom is the most valuable thing we have. Love is a state of being, unattached to any particular form… why should It be limited to one person? Especially when I feel that, by expanding my love energy to other beings, it serves my inner growth and uplifts my consciousness, why should I refrain this natural pull?
And by expanding my love to others, I feel that my love for my partner would gain in intensity (if I truly love him/her initially).
This may sound idealistic or naive, but really, if we look at it simply, without “social” a priori or whatever, it’s healthier than repressing our desires to expand… (this is my feeling at least)
These are some of the questions I addressed to my self too! and it helped me a lot to settle the whole thing down and simply see the truth…
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Namaste Carson and all.
Living in a marriage for 21 years…no other setting in my life has brought me more home to myself than this.
First because I got what I thought I wanted. And then…when finding out that it was not completely what I wanted, then exactly this “not getting what I wanted”…it was the most potent…school of learning. Because through that…(and not being able to run away because of monogamic rules and responsibility that comes with a family)…something cooked itself tender.
And raising children…keeping a family together…supporting a stable ground for them to expand…all of that was beautiful too. Many, many blessings that would never have come…were it not for the “rule of monogamy”.
From experience: It is so easy…to divert oneself with many pleasurable distractions . It is so easy to think that “somewhere out there is something better…and I am missing it because I am stuck here”. But no…out there is nothing. Everything is always in here. My nose at least… needs to be rubbed in This again and again in order to be permanently established in That.
So here…monogamy cannot limit divine expression. Only I can do that.
And somehow…over the years…the discovery of all the ways this limitation expressed itself …and then acting on the revealed understanding…this slowly (since I am so stubborn) but surely led to greater freedom. It also eventually led to the end of the marriage. But by then, for completely different reasons than being locked in monogamy.
I am not “free” simply because I can have intimate relationships with whomever I want now. I feel truly free…because my heart is monogamic to that which holds everything together. It is such freedom to experience that it is This that I want. This does not mean that I will say no to human love. I am made for that. I am still open that way. It is just that no energy at all is invested in looking for that “someone” to be fulfilled by. Neither is love shunned because of fear. It is let go of…and it is very peaceful…
It is not out there. It is always in here. And yet…when it is in here like this…it is met out there too. But in an effortless way. And with a completely different taste to it. It is something that just…comes of itself.
With no desire to bind, and yet paradoxically completely monogamic in here.
So…it seems that…whether in a monogamic or not monogamic relationship…one can be free or bound…all according to the state of heart.
Hi Christiane
We cross posted
Thanks for that beautiful post
Katrine,
That was a true teaching.
Namaste…
g
You know in your heart whats right.
If your question boils down to is it OK to cheat on your wife?..my advice is to not cross that line…no matter how many ways you can rationalize it…
From your previous posts it sounds like you are in heaven now with your practices…don’t let temptation drag you down to hell…
…but this is just one knuckleheads opinion.
Hi all, (hi Katrine )
Just wanted to say: I’m not encouraging extra-marital adventures, based on mind justifications of any kind…
I was simply saying that IF we feel that the love we have is becoming
so abundant that it needs to expand to more than a lover, personnally, I see no “wrong” in that…Everybody will gain in such an overflowing expression of Love.
Whenever there is limitation, in the case of Love abundance and overflowing, it would even be a sin to “truncate” the growing tree and reduce it to a bonsai
The thing is to understand what is the real motive deep inside…
If we live with our lover (wife/husband) and at the same time, we feel we need to expand our Love beyond this being, but renounce that, then, in my opinion, there is real cheating…
Cheating is not only in actions… thinking is nothing but vibrations, it’s the root of all actions…
When two beings have deep love for eachother, they should feel nothing but deep happiness to see their partner growing spiritually… and if that growth happens through other beings, (it could be a lover, a guru, a tree…!), why should there be anger, jalousy and hatred? This is the suffering of the ego… the ego sees he’s being “cheated” on…This is not Love… this is business.
And I’m not preaching anything. I was a super businesswoman not long ago!
Time to shift! Time to drop all the limitations that we created ourselves.
The lover is nothing but an excuse… a good excuse to make love to the Lover.
Namaste grihastha
Hi Christiane
Amen to that
Yet…to renounce everything but the real… requires proper discrimination. This is the journey…deeper and deeper communion (and eventually union) with That. Before proper discrimination is established…then we are bound to “truncate” our own - and therefore also other’s - growth. Whether monogamic or not. That is why we meditate…to enable proper discrimination…so that full loving outpouring can happen.
Yes absolutely. So if the head and mouth and are full of spiritual wordings but the heart is of a different expression…then the result (manifestations in the world) will not be outpouring love, will it…
Thanks for another beautiful post Christiane
PS. I love Bonsai trees lol
Mee toooo! I had 2 bonsai trees in my life until now, but both “left” their bodies (!) and joined Bonsai’s Heaven…
Maybe I should learn how to “truncate” a bonsai!?!
I’m good at watering them, but cutting the leaves… don’t master it yet
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Hi grihastha and thanks for your post…
I agree, but to play devil’s advocate here: aren’t “loyalty” and “honesty” just concepts we are choosing to abide by? One’s which must be dropped in order to abide in the One? Aren’t these too just distortions of the One? Meaning aren’t these just more concepts of discrimiation? There are definite degrees to “honesty”…and “loyalty”…loyal to whom? Wouldn’t it be more important to be “loyal” to yourself then to an external someone?
Just playing Devil’s advocate here…
Love,
Carson
Hi Carson,
I’ll take your Devil’s advocacy…
[quote Wouldn’t it be more important to be “loyal” to yourself then to an external someone? quote]
Not if ‘yourself’ was ‘CarsonZi’ or ‘grihastha’ and not Boundless Awareness. It’s just self-indulgence. Wanting another relationship in that sense is no different from wanting a BMW because you’re tired of your Acura.
If one was aware enough to be certain that one’s loyalty was to Love and that one had reached a level where honesty meant nothing more than living spontaneously in Supreme Consciousness… we probably wouldn’t be having this discussion
In terms of everyday existence, I think if you consciously cause harm by favouring your ego/persona above someone else’s - voluntarily - then your path is taking you away from The One because you’re doing nothing but indulging the illusory constructs of ‘me’.
Over to you, Advocate… 
Namaste Christiane…
Hmmmmmm…
Doesn’t Real Love exist regardless of concept or circumstance? Isn’t Real Love the foundation of All? Can we really put restrictions on Love?
There shouldn’t be suffering…but what if there IS regardless of whether or not it “should” be there. Does that not change the situation a little?
More “shoulds”. But what if reality doesn’t abide by how you think it “should” be? What if your partner isn’t able to love you regardless? Or if your partner feels unloved because of this?
Aren’t we all anyways …until we are not?
Yes, I know Chris… It seems as if there has been some deep growth in the recent past for you…congratulations.
How can one thing be more valuable then another when everything is One? Everything is connected so freedom can only be true freedom when we have let go of needing freedom. Does that make ANY sense? (raised eyebrow smiley should go here )
It really shouldn’t. But how we express that Love to others and to our partners is what makes the difference I think.
If that is your natural pull then you shouldn’t I don’t think. But I think this is likely an individual preference more then anything. No set rules can apply to everyone. We each must find out own Truths…it sounds as though you have found this Truth for yourself.
There is an old addage that goes something like: “If you love it, let it go. If it was meant to be it will find it’s way back to you.”
Yeah I see what you are saying and this is where my difficulty lies. If I meet someone who I have an instant sexual/non-sexual connection with, it is hard not to extrapolate and picture the potential future possibilities despite being in a committed marriage. And this could lead (in my experience) to blockages that need to be purified. So I guess if you have no desire for deeper human connection then you already have, then this will not be an issue. BUT if one has a desire for a deeper human connection then what one has with their current partner, this desire could lead to difficulties both energetically and emotionally.
Thank you for your thoughts and ideas Christiane.
Love,
Carson
Carson,
When you make a promise to someone who values that and trusts you, and you break that promise, you will be causing them a lot of pain and confusion.
This is your life, do whatever you want…but do you want to do that? Immediately, you will be satisfied and her pain won’t affect you. But later, maybe things will be different and it’ll be reflected back upon you.
The main problem with our world: people not considering others, and being too selfish. As yogis, I believe we have a responsibility to lead the way. We do practices which make us feel good and lead us to stillness…why don’t we apply that good feeling and serenity to our discipline in being good to others? It can make us very effective at it.
Eh, just my view. I don’t mean to sound condemning…that wouldn’t be useful. I just wanted to share another way of looking at this situation.
Namaste Katrine…
Wow…beautiful Katrine thank you. Cooking itself tender (I like that) by abiding in a situation you knew wasn’t totally ‘right’ and learning to enjoy things as they are not as you ‘want’ them to be. Truly a shining example of commitment and loyalty to another.
Yes, I can see how this would be rewarding in many different ways.
Haha. I don’t think you are alone in this…haha. I know I am right there with you, needing my nose to be rubbed in the Here and Now, over and over again. It truly is easy to look “outside” and see all these things that look as though they are making others happy and would also make us happy, but in reality these things are all distractions from out True Nature. BUT, in this particular scenario, I wasn’t meaning to talk about “going looking” for something. More trying to discuss what is appropriate should a situation like this arise of itself. If out of nowhere I meet a female who I instantly have a deep spiritual connection with, is it inappropriate (I hesitate to use the words “right” and “wrong”) to engage in sexual/non-sexual (or any other deep connecting activity)activity since I am in a committed marriage? It could seem that Life is trying to test my loyalty, or it could seem that Life is trying to give me an opportunity to grow spiritually. I guess every situation would be different and would have to be evaluated at the time of it’s happening. At this point this is all theoretical.
Yes of course. Thank you for reminding me.
Can you explain a little about how “this limitation expressed itself” please? If it isn’t too personal that is. No worries if this question is overstepping a boundary and you don’t want to answer.
Ah…I keep reading this over and over again and it is like taking a big deep breath of fresh air every time. Thank you.
Yes, yes…Identifying the TRUE inner desire(s) is freeing indeed.
Yes I understand. I am not “looking” for anything either. But still, should Life deal me an opportunity like this, I wonder how I would react.
Beautiful, thank you.
Thank you Katrine for your words of experience and wisdom. Greatly appreciated as always. Thank you.
Love,
Carson
Hey grihastha and thanks for biting …
Not if ‘yourself’ was ‘CarsonZi’ or ‘grihastha’ and not Boundless Awareness. It’s just self-indulgence. Wanting another relationship in that sense is no different from wanting a BMW because you’re tired of your Acura.
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Yes of course…But what if “yourself” IS seen as the Inner Silent Awareness? (again Devil’s advocate of course)
Yes, I guess you are likely correct in this. But if one’s entire perspective is strictly one of their personal spiritual evolution, it is pretty easy to see things this way. I would like to think that the majority of situations I see as maya and as an opportunity to grow due to this. Reestablishing myself every moment of everyday in that which is True. I’m not saying that I see everything with perfect clarity, I’m not THAT egotistical , but I would like to say that in many situations I am able to see my reactions before they happen and am able to conciously choose based on the reality of the situation (that all is One) and not on the “seeming reality” of the situation what is the appropriate course of action.
I agree. Thanks for the continued conversation.
With Love,
Carson