I’m in love with a massage therapist I’ve been going to see for a couple years. I was deep, deep, deep in meditation a couple days ago, and I had an ecstatic/erotic vision with her in it. Wasn’t trying to deliberately imagine anything, but the image would not be denied. Not sure if she has a boyfriend.
We usually hug after the session. Today as I was walking away, she reached out and brushed my back with her hand as if trying to grab me. I kept walking. Interesting.
The past few years have had a string of short-term monogamous relationships. None have lasted. Obviously, I am a little confused, and slightly tortured. When will the wash-rinse-repeat cycle end?
Well, the formula is touch and release, a la samyama. All good things in all good time. If it’s meant to be…blah blah blah. More platitudes to tarnish reality with. 
Also, I pretty much fall in love with everyone. With women, it’s much worse. Their beauty is consistently astounding. This is not lust. This is a reverence, an admiration, a non-dual reflection of Self.
Or, maybe I’m just highly delusional and stuck in some failing patterns of attachment and flights of fancy.
Anyway, any thoughts appreciated. Random, whimsical, deep, shallow…all good. 
Not until you learn the lesson it´s trying to teach you… 
The good news is that with every repetition you´re getting closer and closer…
Not until you accept things as they are and not until you accept that they may never change.
Why labeling things? It´s all experience.
…and as for being in love with everyone…nothing wrong with that . It´s hard not to be, coz everyone is an expression of the Divine… 
Once you get to see that all that beauty you see in others is actually in yourself (which doesn´t mean others are not beautiful, it only means we measure the outside world according to what´s within us), then you realize you don´t need the other to be fulfilled. We all have it all already in ourselves. Then we can fully love the other.
In general, I´d say: Go with the flow of your heart. Keep your focus in the heart. There things are simple and everything is perfect as it is. There you have the direct connection to the Divine. And when you go to the mind, just come back home.
Much 
i hear you BT…same over here
and thank you Ayiram for your excellent advice
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this is what i finally understood …but it is very possible that i might get few more wash-rinse-repeat cycle …or maybe not 
BT what i found extremely helpful is connecting with the inner male in me ( in your case conncecting with the inner female) …i invoke the inner male in me and i do feel his presence and i do feel pleasure and fullfilment
Keep getting those massages; it’s a win, win, win! Treat it like luscious scenery.
Hello guys
Are you sure you want a relationship Bodhi Tree? Finding women attractive is one thing, wanting a relationship enough to motivate you to put in the effort might be another.
To tell the truth, my question is inspired as much by your post as by my own personal experience. Since my yoga got serious, there were a few occasions when I thought to myself ‘If I weren’t in this long-standing relationship, I don’t think I’d bother to start one.’ What would motivate me? Sex has become optional. Love? My husband is the one who once procured me precious glimpses into its magic, now the magic is everywhere.
Perhaps I’m just going though a phase? Perhaps not?
Will this angel to make the first move. This can also be a question: will this angel make the first move?
This got me chuckling. Simplicity at its finest. Thank you, Dogboy!
I think there’s a lot to be said about that. Definitely. Once I heard a preacher say: “If you’re single, and you’re dreaming of a certain kind of person, you have to become the person you’re dreaming of, or else that person will just be a figment of your imagination.”
So I guess getting in touch with the divine feminine would solve that riddle.
Ha! So true. Destiny seems to have some self-regulating mechanism to keep us in check until we’re in the groove. I guess they call it karma.
Great question. I’ll release that samyama-style. Thank you for the motivation check.
After some reflection (and a couple days of releasing desires and visualizations), I think stillness is speaking to me in a way that’s saying I should probably back off. More and more, I realize that life has certain sequences that have to be followed for things to really take off. If the order gets messed up, the plane won’t fly properly. So, that’s probably my case…trying to rush to the dessert before the main course. I think that’s why Yogani emphasizes placing inner silence before ecstasy, because without the quiet foundation, the energy can be chaotic.
Well, thanks everyone for chiming in! Super helpful. Wishing you all the best in your relationships.
Luminescence. Tranquility. Harmony. [OM] [OM]
Dear Bodhi:
You are one of the strongest people I’ve ever met, and a cherished friend. Let me go out on a limb and say “to heck” with everyone else’s view of you.
You’re doing great. There’s always blah blah blah, blasé. Let it not become malaise!
Much love 
Thank you, Anima. Glad to be on this journey with you. 
Hi Bodhi Tree
Reading your story, I’m reminded that I’m “in love with” my massage therapist too. I have not gotten a massage for years, but she ended sessions with a craniosacral therapy move where she would hold my head at the base of the scull and it gave me a hold-me-and-never-let-me-go sensation. After all this time, something of that sensation somehow sticks with me in a good way. I’m grateful.
She does the same thing to me! Killer. Brutal. So cruel how she lets me collapse completely into that cradle of her hands–relieving all the weight of worry and doubt. These women are evil!
@ Bewell - Thanks for the tip!
Experiencing a similar problem, I went from half hour sessions to a full hour.
They sure are evil!!!
I love my massage therapist as well… When working on and releasing blocks, she sure can make energies move in ways that are sensual… but she, being a woman and me not being into the same sex thingy… I haven’t thought of asking her to become my partner…
Lovely thread… thanks everyone who posted here.
That’s it. I’m switching from acupuncture to massage.
It sure sounds better than the wooden floor I do asanas on!
PS, Bodhi: Every time I spoke with my dad, he would proclaim, “Son, I think I’m in love.” So is the plight of all men, I think.
i do traditional thai massage.The masseuse is a thai woman and although you keep wearing clothes through out the session (they provide you with white very loose cotton top and pants) , i do feel a sensual pleasure when she massages my thies and butt
too bad it is not a man
As i continue my sadhana, women become more beauitiful and alluring each day…
It hurts…
as the body is getting older. 
Hmmm…so you’re saying I should switch to a male therapist to eliminate the potentiality of sex union…now THAT would be discipline and restraint! 
No! Hold strong. Don’t be lulled into the tactile allure of a woman rubbing down all the muscles until the bliss is swelling across the frame of the body like a calm typhoon skipping across the ocean.
Indeed! Not a bad deal though. It’s all about the staying power. Our only chance to level the playing field.
Yep…it’s all downhill from there…the point of no return.
There seems to be a directly proportional relationship between the degree of beauty we can behold and the metaphysical quantity of inner silence we are residing in. Need to develop some “spiritual physics” to account for this undeniable trend in perception of Being.
Re: getting older…well, just remember, the heart will stay FOREVER YOUNG…
This thread really makes me think of a girl I was recently romantically involved with. She loved rubbing my back, and of course I loved it when she did and she loved that even more. Man I really miss those back rubs, they would light up my whole spine and the pleasure seemed to radiate into every cell. sigh
For the record we’re still very close, just not physically as we now have hundreds of miles between us. So I don’t get that luxury anymore. She’s really special to me though. She has this radiance about her, something a lot of people have noticed. She doesn’t do any energy work or anything like that. But she certainly expresses the beautiful qualities of the divine feminine.
Bodhi if my relationship with the girl I mentioned has taught me anything it’s that these bonds are such powerful forms of self-discovery. Even the short-term ones. They may come and go in many forms with different people, they may evolve or dissolve, but the lessons they hold are everlasting. Often we don’t have to go looking for these bonds, they just happen on their own accord. Just go with the flow man. You probably already knew that though.