What does the advice to accept mean really?

[Annademiel (Marc Haensch)]

Hello,

Both in spiritual teachings such as those of Osho and in the now widely practiced mindfulness training brought to the West by Professor Jon Kabat-Zinn (MBSR, which is said to be based on Buddhist practices and teachings), the concept of acceptance plays an important role. I have also encountered this term in Kundalini Yoga or with various popular coaches. The term acceptance seems to play a significant role in public discourse at least. Sometimes the advice is given to fundamentally “accept everything”. However, it is rarely explained what exactly is meant by this, and sometimes the definitions appear to differ significantly. In AYP, the term does not seem to be emphasised as much, so here are some of my thoughts and questions on the matter.

Personal Experiences and Thoughts:

Acceptance = Resignation / Giving Up?
Professor Jon Kabat-Zinn, in his initial approach to MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction), not only described mindfulness exercises (Vipassana) but also expressed the view that acceptance in this context means that a patient, when informed by doctors that their pain condition cannot be healed, should internally come to terms with this and “make friends with the pain.” (MBSR was mainly developed for these people). He apparently saw giving up the search for external healing as a prerequisite for successfully practising mindfulness. I encountered this perspective equating mindfulness with giving up or resigning more than once in my youth as I sought healing myself. It deterred me from pursuing a spiritual path at that time, even though I felt drawn to spirituality. I could not understand then – and still do not – why it would be necessary to come to terms with a suffering in order to begin mindfulness exercises or spirituality, or why resignation in any way would be good spiritual advice. In fact, I believe that two fundamentally different things are being mixed here. Moreover, I believe that the advice to “accept everything,” if acceptance is understood in the manner described above, contradicts the principle of letting go, because by accepting, for example, a pain condition, deterministic notions about the future are formed (I have it now, the doctor says it is incurable, so I will have it in the future, I might as well make friends with it, etc.). In contrast, letting go can mean that the desire for genuine healing remains while keeping open the possibilities regarding the future, thus not having any determination concerning questions like whether, how, or when there will be healing. I consider this a wiser approach, but most importantly, it needs to be clarified what acceptance actually means.

Acceptance = Exercising Witnessing?
Another hypothesis of mine is that “acceptance” may serve as a tool to arrive at witnessing and letting go. When a thought or bodily sensation is uncomfortable, most people tend to push away that sensation or thought. It has now even been proven by Western neuroscience that such habitual handling of thoughts and feelings causes internal stress and can even serve as a predictive marker for the development of psychopathology (as opposed to ignoring without pushing away, reframing the thought, transitioning to real problem-solving if possible, distracting oneself, etc.). During a mindfulness exercise, the habitual pushing away of unpleasant thoughts, etc., is replaced by exercising witnessing. One could say that the sensation or thought is “allowed” and merely observed instead of being suppressed. This resolves the underlying karma, dissolves the stress response associated with the issue, and acquires the ability to ignore the corresponding topic in everyday life instead of experiencing inner stress when it comes to consciousness. This is probably the mechanism responsible for the healing effects of mindfulness training. It can be added that when it comes to thoughts and emotions, these eventually cease to arise with sufficient meditation. In any case, one could interpret this in the broadest sense as acceptance, allowing and observing during meditation. I would consider this a better perspective, but often the two mentioned aspects are mixed and made dependent on each other, and there are many other interpretations of what acceptance in a spiritual sense is supposed to mean. For example, that it is a counterpoint to excessive discipline typical of traditional yoga, while in tantra one is advised to “accept everything,” whatever that may imply. My opinion is that Buddha rightly spoke of the golden mean. Those who want to leave everything as it is, thus accept everything, have no goal or bhakti, and there is no path. Those who want to discipline everything about themselves immediately will overdo it and harm themselves.

Other teachings than accept:

One last thought on this: In Germany in the 1950s, there was a healer with great abilities who also taught a spiritual doctrine—I personally recognise parallels to Eastern teachings in this. One thing he specifically taught concerning illness or getting well was that one should not resign oneself to illness. On the contrary, a large part of the spiritual path consists precisely in being free of things that do not belong to humanity, that do not correspond to “divine order.” He emphasised that he could often not heal those who had resigned themselves to “their” illness, accepting it as part of their personality, through spiritual means. Quotes: “They are sitting on their illness,” and “What you accept, you have,” and “I do not steal it” (referring to the illness). He spoke of the fact that evil exists in reality and that a part of existence on Earth is also a struggle against this evil, and one should not simply accept evil. He always spoke of not taking on evil, which he also meant in relation to negative thoughts or consequences of distressing events. My thought regarding witness is that “not accepting” describes this as well as or better than “accepting.” For in truth, we recognise through practising witness that we are not identical with the pain, the illness, the thoughts, etc., but we recognise the separation of subject and object.

Self-defence:
In yoga, it is mostly assumed that self-defence is acceptable. In this, we also do not accept negative actions directed against oneself or against others.

What does the advice to accept mean?

Best regards,

Annademiel

[yogani]

Hi Annademiel,

I can’t speak much about what other teachings may say about accepting negative experiences. In the AYP Yoga approach, I would not say that “accepting” negative experiences is the operative word. Rather, it is the cultivation of the witness through daily deep meditation and related practices that enables us to weather negative experiences from the standpoint of a deeper sense of self (pure bliss consciousness) that is not swayed by negative (or positive) experiences. Does that mean we can more easily “accept” the ups and downs of life? Certainly, but we are also free to take action to alleviate the discomforts of life from a position of inner strength, rather than being overwhelmed by them.

In some teachings, simply “accepting” hardships (mortification of the person, which the Buddha ended up being against) is considered to be spiritual technique, leading (hopefully) to inner openings. As the old saying goes, “If it does not kill us it will make us stronger.” Maybe so, but that is not a primary teaching in AYP, nor Buddhist tradition as I understand it. Better to transcend worldly experiences to inner silence via effective meditation, where we then have the greatest freedom, and also the greatest strength to deal with the realities of mortal living.

The guru is in you.

PS: Here is what the AYP Plus AI has to say about it.

Q: What does the advice to accept negative experiences mean?

A: The advice to accept negative experiences in the provided sources revolves around the idea of not identifying with these experiences and observing them with inner silence rather than resisting or analyzing them. This acceptance is not about enjoying negative experiences, but rather about changing our relationship with them to reduce or eliminate suffering.

Here’s a breakdown of what the sources suggest about accepting negative experiences:

• Negative experiences are temporary: They are likened to “scenery passing by” or “waves upon the ocean of our infinite inner silence”. By recognizing their impermanent nature, we can avoid getting overly attached to them.

• Witnessing without judgment: The practice of “witnessing” or cultivating “abiding inner silence” allows us to observe negative experiences (thoughts, feelings, sensations) without labeling them or getting caught up in their drama. This detachment helps to dissolve their intensity.

• Letting go of resistance: Acceptance means stopping the resistance to the present moment. By not resisting, every moment, even a painful one, can become “beautiful and full of potential”. Suffering arises from the identification of the mind with pain, discomfort, and the failure of desires. Acceptance facilitates the letting go of this identification.

• Transformation of negative energy: Through practices like bhakti, even negative emotions and experiences can be transformed into divine energy. All karma, whether seemingly positive or negative, can become a “positive springboard to new openings in spirit” as inner silence grows.

• Opportunity for awakening: Difficult or traumatic experiences can sometimes lead to spiritual awakening and new understanding. Challenges in life can offer opportunities for growth if we remain open to them.

• Acceptance is not liking pain: Going beyond suffering doesn’t mean we will like being in pain, nor does it mean we shouldn’t try to alleviate pain for ourselves and others. It means that the “scars of suffering” will not remain if we let go of our identification with pain.

• Focus on practices over experiences: The sources consistently emphasize that spiritual progress comes from consistent daily practices, not from the nature of our experiences during or outside of practice. Therefore, we should “favor the practice over the experience,” whether the experience is positive or negative. Getting overly attached to or analyzing experiences can distract us from the practices that lead to lasting transformation.

• Active surrender: Acceptance is linked to “active surrender,” which involves engaging with life and seeking progress while simultaneously letting go of rigid expectations and resistance.

In essence, accepting negative experiences within the context of these sources means acknowledging their presence without judgment or resistance, observing them with inner silence, and continuing with spiritual practices, trusting that these experiences are temporary and can even be catalysts for growth and transformation. It is about shifting our inner relationship to negativity rather than trying to avoid or suppress it.

[yogani]

PPS: In the case of a chronic or incurable illness, the same principles apply, particularly the transformation of negative energy to positive purpose via bhakti/devotion. There are many examples of this in history, where severely handicapped individuals have uplifted the lives of many. Not that any of us are required to rise to such levels of achievement. But if life hands us a lemon, we always have the option to make lemonade. That too is a function of abiding inner silence (witness), inherent or cultivated.

[Michael_AYP_Academy]

Hi Annemiel,

I just wanted to add that I think it’s important not to equate “allowing” or “accepting” with taking a proactive action. In this sense, asking for acceptance can easily be misunderstood and lead to frustration. I think allowing starts in the heart. If we examine ourselves and look at what we want, we are more likely to realize that we don’t want to allow the unpleasant things, but wish they were gone - even if we may be intellectually convinced of the superiority of acceptance over resistance. Therefore, the path to acceptance begins with the desire for it. As long as we only try to “apply” the principle of allowing with our minds, while our hearts desire something else at the same time, our minds will hit a brick wall. But if the desire for equanimity takes hold, we will sooner or later come across the means that are actually able to foster this aspect of our being.