Like nearly all yogis, I have had major ups and downs as far as Bhakti and spiritual desire is concerned since seriously embarking on the path 3 years ago. There are some periods where I am ready to give everything I have to the path, and other times where the path feels like a real chore.
Luckily, I have always had fairly decent self discipline, so regardless of how I am feeling at any given moment, I am nearly always able to maintain my set of daily practices. If my Bhakti is REALLY dragging I might ratchet it down slightly during a lull (e.g. going from full plate 2x per day to 2x per day of just asanas, SBP and DM). But regardless, I always maintain what I feel is a decent practice, whether I like it or not.
Lately, I have been going through a period where practices and the spiritual path feel like a bit of a grind. This period is a particularly long one. Usually periods like this only last a few weeks in my experience. This one has been going on for a few months. However, this all seems fairly par for the course as far as the spiritual path is concerned.
What surprises me however is the degree to which Bhakti appears to affect the overall intensity of my spiritual experience.
From the outside looking in, assuming one could not peer into the inner workings of my brain, it would probably look like not much has changed. Twice daily practicing a fairly robust set of AYP practices. However, inner perception is very different. Back when my Bhakti was really “on fire”, I felt that I would much more regularly have tastes of inner silence throughout my day. I would much more regularly “go deep” during my spiritual practices. Now, even though I have kept up my practices, it feels as if I am having a less spiritual experience day to day and moment to moment. That only difference that I can seemingly tell, is my degree of Bhakti.
Yogani often writes that spiritual experiences do not produce enlightenment, spiritual practices do. I agree with this, however this left me with this subtle idea that “as long as you show up to the mat and meditate every day, that will drive 99% of the results”.
Based on my recent experience, it almost seems as if it’s more accurate to say it’s a combination of spiritual practices and bhakti that produce enlightenment. In other words, it’s a critical component for your heart to be in it, rather than just going through the motions.
Of course, if your heart isn’t in it, there’s really nothing you can do to force it. All you can really do is keep meditating and wait for the bhakti to show back up, as it surely will at some point. So I suppose its a mute point.
But I just wanted to ask about the experiences of other yogis. Has anyone had similar experiences, wherein a seemingly similar set of practices feels night and day difference depending on the level of bhakti you are bringing to those practices at any given point in time?
For those who have been through similar experiences, do you have any tips? Is the best approach to just go through the motions, keep meditating, and wait for it to all work itself out?
