Hello all,
The past 18 months have been a wild ride, things have somewhat calmed down. But I am still very confused making sense of what I’ve gone through and would like to share and hear other’s thoughts.
At 19, after smoking a lot of marijuana, I had a rupture. I began to develop Pure O-OCD, which developed into obsessions and compulsions regarding homosexuality, or as diagnostically known as HOOCD. I had felt I was locked out of my natural orientation. This felt incredibly traumatic and maddening. This went on for 12 years, painfully.
In the 12th year, I had 12 deep symbolic dreams that showed me a way out of my torment and culminated in me walking to a pyramid. 6 months later, one morning, I felt a surge of energy rising up from the base of my spine hitting my third eye. In that moment, I had recalled when I was 16 receiving three knocks on the door (old memories of doors opening up in front of me, but no one was there). Later, this lead to me being electrocuted by a stone twice in quick succession I had found on an Indigenous trail one month later. I began to have a lot of synchronciites. And my dreams were getting deeper, a lot of ancient Greek and Egyptian symbolism, and it showed me the nature of my underlying trauma. Further, I began to experiences Siddhis, where I would have dreams of people which would reveal things they were hiding or their pain, which were later confirmed to be true.
For the first month, I felt electricity run through my hands and fingers. Then I would experience once a month, hypnagogic visions as I’d try to fall asleep. This entailed being dismembered and seeing my shadow and being zapped in the forehead, rotated around a mechanical wheel, castrated and feeling a knot cut, and seeing the birth of a baby, to seeing the initiate’s floor, and seeing a predynastic God murmurs its name in low breath. Now things have eased, but I feel like I have to do something? My fears are still active, and I’m tired of it. But I simply have no idea what I am doing. I didn’t have a spiritual background, no practice.I’m new to meditation and yoga, and this all sound so far out.
Has anyone had experiences like this? I’ve read people’s Kundalini experiences and they don’t seem to be this crazy I’m not sure if this is Kundalini or Pranotthana, but something is clearly going on. And I feel like I have to be doing something. I’ve been holding on and letting it unfold, but its still painful. What type of meditation or yoga would people recommend? And how can I handle this process while having obligations in the real world?
Thanks,
