Hi Friends,
Just wanted to talk to you all about relationships. I can count on my three fingers I have a hard time being around. The ego comes in forefront with them 
. Even the days when there is a lot of openness- the heart contracts and I get severe headaches. It always happens. I feel that this is the way itās going to be for the rest of this life. Even if I just reside in the openness, the body contracts. I guess the body recognizes the past pains and our energetic interactions.
I cannot avoid these relationships because itās my significant otherās family. We see them once a week. 
Life flows other than when Iām around them. 
I have even accepted the uncomfortable sensations being around them. But that does not make it any easier.
Hi Sunyata have you discussed this with your significant other? This might go a long way towards lessening the impact on your very being.
There might be some friction but if the person in your life holds you in the position of importance they should, then they should honor and respect you and take your side. If they do not then it may just take them a while to work out whatever comes from discussing this; it could take years.
In the end though if they are not with you then it is a problem.
I have encountered similar issues with my relatives on my side that is and I actively avoid them and have made it known to others in the family that where they are to be found my wife and I shall be absent.
It took allot of trespasses on their part to get me to this point but once I had decided enough was enough, I pulled the rope and let the blade drop.
Yeah it hurt but you know what it is nothing compared to the ongoing crap.
Life is to short to be lived in the company of those that cause such a reaction, no one should punish themselves this way.
Sooner or later the disconnect will happen anyway so face it bravely and be true to yourself, it is not easy but then again who ever said relationships with people are?
My 2cents worth.
Dear Sunyata,
It is not easy, but I agree with So-Hi in this.
Speaking for myself I had a long time of exactly the same feelings as you have now. One day it was really enough I could not make another choice then for myself. I became physically ill if I forced myself to go on with holding up appearances. I broke up with them and I never regret it. It was a relief. Except for the quilt feelings there were to my husband because it is his family.
He did the same, not for me, but because he felt the same way in this. I however had for a long time quilt feelings to him in this. But if you ask me now many years later, I would have done the same. 
Hi So-Hi and Charliedog,
Thank you for your response. Itās almost been close to a decade. My significant other likes to not see it and pretend everything is okay. Heās been a little bit better at recognizing than before. But like Charliedog says- it makes me physically ill. My side of the family lives half way around the globe and Iām surrounded by his side of family.
Itās not easy being in this situation.
I wish you much strength in this situation Sunyata.
You know what you are doing and I am confident you will make the choices that are right for you.
Just remember one thing you have the right not to suffer and no one has the right to expect you to suffer for any reason, as there is no reason sufficient.
This is your life too you know.
That you have brought this up in an open forum says allot, listen closely to yourself. This situation really is not alright with your inner self, otherwise it would not be coming out.
I can not wish you strength because you clearly posses that and endurance already, I can only wish you clarity in making your life path and perhaps the ability to endure change if needed, you will knowā¦
What I mean with strenght is that you need this to make a choice that not is easy. Nobody can take this for you. I know you understand what I mean.
Charliedog
Thank You, So-Hi . Iāve asked my Isthas for clarity . Itās hard for me to make a decision. I donāt know whatās best.
Dear Sunyata remember to give yourself the freedom to make a mistake also have the wisdom to arrange conditions so that you can recover from a mistake.
For example before quitting a job make sure you have one to take itās place.
Before moving make sure you can cover a years worth of expenses; you know safety nets. Being bold and decisive is one thing being stupid can hurt allot.
I am certain you have discovered that in this life we often do not know what we want or what is best, but we almost always know what we do not want and if we are honest with ourselves we know that which is not good for us, even if we are not sure what is good for us.
Sometimes if we do not know what we want then we have to start enumerating the things we do not want and use a process of elimination and allow what remains to be our decision.
I would say start enumerating and see if the clarity does not come, you might be surprised by what you already know.
It is ok to be afraid also. It is also ok to continue to suffer but when you are at the point of discussion with others, well it just seems to me like you are coming close to making some decisions or at-least recognizing that you want to.
It takes guts to share as you have and I am sure everyone reading this can not only pick up on some of what you are going through but wish you our very best.
From me I say you are going to be okay whatever you decide or do not decide.
Thank You, So-Hi . Iāve asked my Isthas for clarity . Itās hard for me to make a decision. I donāt know whatās best.
Hi Sunyata
Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time.
[quote=āsunyataā]
I guess the body recognizes the past pains and our energetic interactions.
[/quote]Are you saying they treated you badly in the past and this is causing your present reaction? Or is there something they are doing now that is not OK with you?
You are absolutely right. Iāve taken your advise to my heart. Yes, there are various emotions that comes up. There is a sense of relief after sharing it here.
Yes, the past. I donāt enjoy being in their company. Every exchange feels labored. Iām torn because itās his family and he would love for all of us to be together.
I recognize his good intentions and Iāve been going along as I know that it makes him happy. Heās happy but Iām not. We talked about this today and have come to a decision that I wonāt be visiting them often and itās okay for him to go visit by himself with the kids sometimes.
Sounds like you know what you need to do. Being realistic about how much you can take on applies to people interactions too, doesnāt it? Another kind of self-pacing.
When you feel strong enough to process that hurt from the past, then you will be ready to face this problematic relationship, but itās got to be in your own time. Perhaps you donāt need to decide right now what is āgoing to be for the rest of this lifeā and what is not. Why not stay open, see how things pan out?
Wishing you the best
You are right.
I like to atleast say to myself that most of the past hurt has been processed . I will self pace in the relationship and try to stay open.
fellowship is really important thankyou fellow yogis
A lot of good advice and hand-holding already; you are processing it well. It doesnāt necessarily have to be a shoutout at the OK Corral remember, you can withdraw your presence without uttering a cross word. There is dignity in the taking the high road and being cordial with them when their company is unavoidable, otherwise cultivate your peace of being and make yourself scarce. They have put you in this position by their inability to accept you as you are into their fold; you know you deserve better than that.
I pray your husband is strong enough to brush aside their nonsense and stick up for you.
Dogboy!
Sunyataā¦maybe let the solar plexus take command! Creating boundaries, or dissolving them, as needed. Slightly below the heart, anchoring the upper regions to the lower jungles.
Stillness in action (radiance) surpasses all strategies. Become allied with the sacred geometry of inner and outer space. Let the narrative interpretation be bolstered by the genius of unfolding form. You are the goddess: unmistakably, undeniably, unrelentingly.
This what I did first in the past Sunyata, only the opening up, and take this step can be a great relief.
I did not want him to break up with his family, not because of me.
But then I wanted to be completely honest and had to open up also to the family, that was the breaking point between them and me.
My husband choose for me, broke up with his family but that was as I said a big trigger for my quilt feelings to him. This all happened before my awakening, but I am sure I would have done the same afterwards, only sooner.
Most important is to be honest to yourself Sunyata.
Dogboy- 
- Taking the high road is what Iāve being doing for almost ten years. I think making myself scarce is the option for right now.
I know Bodhi. But being run down a lot affects this mere mortal.
Oh Dear Charliedog,
My exact feelings. Especially after being a mother, I see the unconditional love for kids. Since we have agreed upon this, weāll see how things go. I heard Rupert Spira say -We can love everybody but we donāt have to like them . Hearing this was a relief as well. Iām learning that not only being open but practical is important.
There is a constant recognition that we are here as humans for so long. The experience of the personality not being here makes me look at things from a bigger perspective. There is sometimes a struggle between the ultimate truth to what is happening. What is happening is part of the truth as well. Living as a human and trying to navigate through some bumps in the road does lead to more openings.
I really appreciate everyone of you here. Iām just sharing my thought process as well.