Alvin,
Your questions are relevant and superb! I still have the same questions and not the answers, but I will write my thoughts about it!
Actually, I don’t know what I would call my experience during the workshop… It was certainly not “enlightment”. The workshop leader calls himself “realized” not enlightened. I think it was the first meeting with my inner silence, the darkness, the nothingness. From what I understand some people call it “the void”, some mean something else with that term…
I know that it can be very frightening to meet that place with the ego… Then the experience can be total anxiety, because everything is so empty and meaningless. But if you meet that place from the heart it is a pleasant experience. I was lucky to do that with the help from the workshop leader. So although it was totally “empty” it felt utterly safe and suddenly there was just love.
I was in that “presence” only during the workshop, and after that I dived into it very quickly once or twice, like dipping the toes in cold water and quickly pulling the foot back, because the mind is so strong and anti-that-state so it just breaks in and takes me out of it. But during that state I did not become more passive. It was a remarkable feeling of just shifting the perspective - not altering my way of behaving. It was not ME, my body, my identity, that was “filled with spirit”. It was “I”/spririt who entered and borrowed a body with a certain identity to express “itself” through. (Jeez, the language is not made for explaning this.)
When in that state, the duties do not disappear, they are still there, but the thoughts of “I must do this” disappears… There is no longer any ego that can feel stress, pressure, anxiety or anger for not doing duties. When being spirit, the duties are done because they are to be made. It is creative. The duties will not change, but the perspective on WHY they are done. It is not important to do the duties because the ego should be satisfied in some way… it is done because it is creative and one is living life while doing them.
I just brainstorm… I don’t really know at all. That is only my feeling right now.
Alvin wrote:
“I badly need an answer for my life. I’m living a life filled with loneliness, and I don’t see any permanent way out. I don’t see the answer which is supposed to be inside me.”
To find out what was inside of me I did this a while ago, before I was on the workshop:
I confronted myself with the question
“Do I really believe that the spirit is there for me and can help me?”
When I honestly, from the deep of my heart could say YES to that, I sat down to meditate with the purpose to make contact with my higher and true self. I concentrated on the spot on my chest where the soul lives - right where the breast bone parts in to two ribbons. I focused on that spot and welcomed my higher self. “I know you are there and I welcome you.” I showed trust in it. And I received an answer after a few minutes. When I had made “contact” and felt a pressure on that spot and up through the breast bone, I asked “Please show me what is my deepest truth. What do I have inside me right now? What is in my heart?” And then I waited for the answer. Just waited for a sign - a feeling, a scenery, a picture, a “knowing”… a sense… and it came. An immense sorrow bubbled up.
On the workshop the leader spoke about “Find your truth, find your love” all the time, and pointed at his breast bone. I just took it as a confirmation - what I had made contact with must be what he was talking about! So I started to focus on that spot and asked for contact during the workshop and then things started to happen from there… That is how it worked for me. I don’t know if anyone else can relate to that in any way.
Now I can rather easily and only by welcoming it get that contact and pressure on the breast bone - often in combination with that spontaneous deep breathing - and when I do I feel no pain, sorrow or anger. It is impossible to combine. As soon as I go up in the mind the pressure and breathing disappears and I get all ego-related “likes and dislikes”. But it is not a feeling of “bliss” or anything… it is just a sort of neutral “contact” and knowing what is really true. I know that the world is not to take so seriously. And I now use it as a “best friend” - I ask for help, answers and relief whenever I am in need. Most often I get very clear answers. It is weird, but it works. =)
For example, I was up on a very high mountain a week ago, standing right at the edge of a 300 meter cliff. It was a bit scary and my legs shivered. Then I came to think about the fact that I cannot die… Wrrooom… the breast bone pressure came, the breathing came and I became totally calm and smiled. I changed perspective and knew what was eternal and true. I almost got an urge to fall from the cliff because I knew I would be able to see my body falling and still be there, conscius, when the body died and I thought that would be rather cool. =)
For me, it has been a great help to understand exactly how tricky the mind/ego is. As soon as you think past - future, likes or dislikes, you are trapped in the mind. Letting go of the ego is to not suffer anymore from the pains and sorrows of life, but ALSO to let go of all LIKES! Everything I like will also become irrelevant. It is really to “die” to give up the ego. Not to enjoy beautiful sexy women/men, not to enjoy funny films, not to enjoy anything that the ego WANTS. It will still all be there, but it will not be relevant as a “Like or dislike”. It will just be there to see.
. Certainly the questions are not quite in the right mood as your beautiful experience)
