Loving Family vs Loving All

[CarsonZi]

Hi adamant

@adamantclearlight

Hi Carson, I’m with emc here. I think your response is unwise:

quote:

You have a rather shallow view of married relationship. Surely you share more with your wife than anyone else. If you don’t there a problem.

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Strangely, I feel no need to defend myself here. All everyone is saying here is likely correct…but for some reason, I’m not worried.
Perhaps I DO have a shallow view of a married relationship. I just don’t find that I tell things to my wife that I wouldn’t say to anyone (meaning I share everything with both my wife and anyone who desires to know…and even many who don’t ) There is nothing I would not tell/share about myself to anyone. I am an open book for all (if you can’t tell from many of my various posts here on the AYP forum) to read. I hide nothing from no one, my wife included. If that makes my view of marriage shallow, then I guess it does. I have a shallow perspective I guess.

@adamantclearlight

My wife is my closest friend; she picks me up when I fall;

I too can say that my wife is my closest friend…picking me up when I fall?? Well, I wouldn’t necessarily say that, but I WOULD say that she is there to support me when I fall and that she loves me no less because of it.

@adamantclearlight

I trust her with all my confidences;

I trust my wife with my “confidences” as well. But I trust everyone with that…as you may be able to tell from my posting history here.

@adamantclearlight

I trust her with my bank account;

This is a recent development for us (having just bought a home) but I can say this as well.

@adamantclearlight

she cares for me when I’m ill;

Haven’t been sick since we got together (thanks yoga ) but I’m sure if I did get sick she would be there to care for me.

@adamantclearlight

she looks after me when I’m absent minded;

Hahaha…yes, my wife has certainly done this for me…and it was especially appreciated when I was still smoking pot as “absent minded” may have been a very accurate description of me back then

@adamantclearlight

she helps me with my parents;

My wife stays out of things with my parents as things are very complicated there.

@adamantclearlight

we share spiritual values;

To an extend I can say the same, but her path is different from mine in many ways as well.

@adamantclearlight

she is my goddess and my savior;

Don’t quite get this. Savior? My wife is not my savior…can’t honestly say that. Goddess? Yes she is a goddess…but “my” goddess? Can’t really say I have one of those.

@adamantclearlight

she’s the one person I want to grow old with and to die with.

Grow old with, yes. That is why I married her.

@adamantclearlight

These are not trivial.

No, they are certainly not.

@adamantclearlight

The way you say “only difference” and “sacredness of sexual intimacy” make the sex seem not intimate or sacred, like she’s your wife because you’re f*#&ing.

She is my wife because we are married. And she IS the only person I share the sacredness of sex with. If that makes me shallow…well, I guess I am shallow. At least I am honest about it.

@adamantclearlight

Be advised that spiritual history is filled with many married couples.

Of course.

@adamantclearlight

Just because you treat everyone with unconditional love does not mean your wife is not special.

I truly do not understand this. I’m sorry. What makes one person more “special” then another? To me, everyone is special. I have a different relationship with everyone, but the status of our relationships doesn’t make one person more special then any other. Not to me anyways.

@adamantclearlight

The two are not mutually exclusive; you just have to open your mind more.

I’m sure I do.

@adamantclearlight

If you all are compatible then she will want to join your spiritual quest as she sees the positive experience you are having.

And she has. She started a meditation practice of her own while I was away last November at Yoga Teacher Training. She has kept it up ever since.

@adamantclearlight

Somehow make her a part of your spiritual project.

I need to inquire into what I feel this means for me…I don’t know right now how to do this, or what this even means for me.
Love!

[adamantclearlight]

You’re gonna be okay. What makes one’s wife more special than another is the relationship. Perhaps your wife is not more special than any one else. But it is a special relationship;, and as you seem to agree, it involves more than just sex.
Adamant

[CarsonZi]

Hi Christi

@Christi

If your wife stopped believing her story… that you should do something, or not do something else, then she would not suffer. So does it really have anything to do with you?

I guess not. I think that I have a tendency to see things from the point of view of “how am I affecting others around me”.

@Christi

Wanting something, and not being able to get what you want, is suffering. Not wanting something, and having to bear it, is also suffering. So your story is that you want your wife to stop feeling jealous and insecure, and you cannot make that happen and it is all your fault. When you drop the story, that is the point at which love happens and direct communication (communion) can take place. As long as the story is there, then there is contraction around that, and confusion over how to act.

Yes, for sure. Doesn’t dropping the story that I am causing my wife to suffer because of my actions seem a little, well, calloused? Is wanting my wife to not suffer not a worthy goal?

@Christi

The dissolving of the story into silence, is the dissolving of the boundary between self and other, and this is the flowering of divine love. Then, whatever happens happens, but it happens because it flowers out of love, and dissolves back into love. Movement, but nobody moving. No deliberation, no regret, no blame, nobody to be blamed, just a natural flowing from the heart.

Ok…seems reasonable … So lets say, theoretically, I drop the story that I am causing my wife to suffer, I lose the regret, blame etc, and am just open to the natural flow of heart… and she still blames me for her suffering. Sure it is just her believing her story, but I am still left wanting to end this suffering for her. I know this is me being attached to an outcome, but I find it incredibly difficult to stand by and watch her suffer and not TRY and do anything about it…and telling her that she is suffering only because she is believing her story doesn’t usually come across as compassionate…even if it is said with all the compassion in the world.
Please (everyone) understand that this is not anywhere as large an issue as this thread has made this out to be. My wife and I are fine, and she (in general) is not actually suffering over this. But on occasion (usually when the pregnancy hormones are running rampant) this (or something similar) will pop up…usually caused by her feeling that there is someone out there that would be more “suited” to me then she is. Most of this discussion is more hypothetical then real.
Love!

[Christi (Tristan Dorling)]

Hi Carson,

Yes, for sure. Doesn’t dropping the story that I am causing my wife to suffer because of my actions seem a little, well, calloused? Is wanting my wife to not suffer not a worthy goal?

Of course it is a worthy goal. There are good reasons for holding on to it, but there are much better reasons for letting it go. The best reason is that the beauty of love can only happen when we drop the story and our role in it. Actually, our role in it usually is the whole story. When we drop our role, the whole story evaporates as if it had never been there. Then there is freedom. You are free to feel whatever you feel and stay free. Someone may blame you for causing their pain… you feel their pain, and you act or you let it go. Then it ends… end of story. There is no carrying it forward.
What we are discussing is the ending of karma. It doesn’t have to be an issue with your wife, it could be about anything. When the story ends there is no more debating what to do, because the debater was the hero of the story. Nothing more.
All the best,
Christi

[CarsonZi]

Hi Christi

@Christi

What we are discussing is the ending of karma. It doesn’t have to be an issue with your wife, it could be about anything. When the story ends there is no more debating what to do, because the debater was the hero of the story. Nothing more.

Great post Christ, thank you…really helped to clear the windows a bit and make things a lot clearer. Time to stop trying to fill that role of protagonist/antagonist, hero/bad guy, instigator/problem-solver… time to just rest as loving awareness…it’s so tiring trying to be something you are not
Love!

[Christi (Tristan Dorling)]

Hi Carson,

Great post Christ, thank you…really helped to clear the windows a bit and make things a lot clearer. Time to stop trying to fill that role of protagonist/antagonist, hero/bad guy, instigator/problem-solver… time to just rest as loving awareness…it’s so tiring trying to be something you are not

… and so peaceful being what you really are.

[Adi (aditya singh)]

family is also everyone continue loving everyone no harm can come from that
peace and love