About 9 years ago I had an experience of higher consciousness in a grocery store. I felt bliss, peace, warmth toward strangers, freedom and incredible ease. This lasted for several hours and then there was a flurry of negative emotions and a feeling of profound emotional instability. There was also a sense of energy moving in the body. Not knowing what this was I white knuckled it for a few days until it passed.
Two years later there was cultural and familial pressure to invite someone to a significant life event. I did not want to see this person and feeling this pressure I was overtaken by emotions associated with decades of mistreatment by this person. I then began to experience daily kriyas, stuck energy and emotions in the body, restlessness, agitation, increased sex drive, psychic experiences, etc. This has continued for 7 years.
21 months ago I learned TM and it gave me things I’ve never had before including a deep peace, feelings of love, “happiness for no reason”, witnessing, resilience, greater maturity, etc. There was also problematic unstressing (purification) that did not ease with reduced practice or other measures.
In January, I experienced mood swings, head pressure, increased kriyas, and further sleep disturbance. I then took a month off from spiritual practice, evened out, and resumed with 5 minutes or less of TM. I didn’t experience the severe symptoms that I did in January but there was overwhelm and anxiety with every meditation. Frequently I also experience bodily anger for days and this is by far the most uncomfortable issue. The benefits from TM had also started to wane. Breath meditation did not help.
After a few more recent overloads from TM, a different form of meditation, yoga, and alternate nostril breathing, I’ve stopped all spiritual practice again and am doing more grounding than before. I would like to even out and try shorter periods of alternate nostril breathing as a means to gently purify my system.
I miss TM terribly and feel very lost in my kundalini process. After 7 years there is less tension in my body and my sex drive has lessened to a more normal level but other than that I don’t feel like I’ve made a lot of progress. About 2 years ago I felt a sensation in my chest that moved to my third eye (or head?) and caused bliss for several hours followed by a strong headache between the eyes. Recently I’ve felt tingling on the top of my head as if my hair is moving. I don’t know the significance of either of these experiences but again I don’t feel I’ve progressed all that much. Mostly it’s as I’ve described above–stuck energy/emotions, kriyas, restlessness/agitation, and days-long bodily anger episodes.
My questions:
-
Is time off from all spiritual practice, grounding, and then conservative alternate nostril breathing a reasonable plan?
-
Please comment on my feeling that I haven’t progressed as far as kundalini. What changes can I make and is it possible that I am progressing and haven’t felt it. For instance, the opening of energy channels?
3). How do I balance “allowing” vs grounding. For instance, if I am overwhelmed by energy should I sit with it and allow it to pass through me or ground? I mostly “allow” because traditional grounding recommendations haven’t done all that much for me but recently I’ve found that baths and a weighted blanket does help.
- I’d appreciate any advice on how to deal with bodily anger. There seems to be a lot of stuck sadness beneath it. Crying relieves episodes but despite being willing it’s hard for me to cry and often when I do it is tearless.
Thanks very much!
