We like you Lili,
so the least you can do is do the same for yourself 
It’s hard to forgive yourself when you have been beating yourself up for a long time. Jesus said to forgive your enemy, he just didn’t tell you that the enemy is much closer than you think.
Getting used to feeling a certain way becomes a learned habit. The mind considers that it has done a great job in having helped you survive and sees no reason to change because it all seems to have worked out. The mind does not consider that being miserable is particularly dangerous because it doesn’t conflict with the first law of surviving at any cost.
This is where you have to help things out, by understanding that feeling miserable can actually be a problem and re-thinking that strategy.
Be gentle with yourself, despite all the horrors of the world, the person that can make things intolerable for you is yourself. That’s the real enemy.
Hehehehe thanks–I like you too 
I guess you’re right and I should just try to change in some way–easier said than done but as you say worth making the effort. Maybe I need some kind of therapy.
Thanks&Cheers, Lili
Do whatever it takes if you truly want to change it must be 100%.
The words ‘easier said than done’ mean you are not being assertive with yourself. Have no doubt that you can and will no matter what it takes. Tell yourself that infront of the mirror every morning and every evening.
Change begins with you and the world will conspire to help. Step forward Lili and grasp it.
Lilly, please allow me to jump in with an additional question for your consideration: How do you feel about the anger itself? In my experience, IF there is any strong emotion (about it)that can sometimes be a useful place to begin.
Thanks Karl I think you’re right. You seem to have a gift for motivational speaking I feel assertive like a wet noodle but I hope that by applying the advice as given here this may change as time goes by…
Thanks Karl I think you’re right. You seem to have a gift for motivational speaking I feel assertive like a wet noodle but I hope that by applying the advice as given here this may change as time goes by…
That's the spirit. Even a wet noodle has substance. :slight_smile:
Hi Lili,
By the time you read this you’ve had a good two weeks to forgive the poor painters
Lately I’ve been practicing converting emotions into bhakti (Lession http://www.aypsite.org/67.html) and it works perfect. Have a read through, For me it’s one of the best things I’ve ever learned.
Now, there is also a good lesson for you in what happened because generally, in business you shouldn’t look for people that you know. You must look for people you can trust and often, those people are the large companies.
Remember that “doing people a favour” and “feeling sorry for people” can sometimes come from the Ego and generally actions that are motivated by ego are not very pure and do not attract a pure response. Also, there is a fair amount of fairness in the universe which means very often businesses that don’t make good profit, do so because they’re not good at what they do!
So if I was you, next time I would pick the company that I could trust. Also, I wouldn’t go as far as hiring those people again to prove that I don’t hate them! I think it’s alright to feel “not very good” towards people who didn’t deal with you correctly. You just shouldn’t get stuck in it.
Cheers,
Emil
Hi Emil, you’re right I am much less worked up abt the painters due to forum support and passage of time 
. I know the painters situation may seem trivial, but the real issue is that I have difficulty forgiving a small bunch of people in various contexts and hold grudge for years. The painters thing is only one example. So this is the real reason for asking for feedback. Thanks for the tip will reread that lesson. Thanks&Cheers, Lili
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C3l30qhEpHw
Nice set of lyrics in this song which fits that perfectly.
[quote=“karl”]
Thanks Karl–this was a whole lecture . I am trying to let go using multiple modalities and sometimes it works and other times it doesn’t work. How about that?
Hi Christi–I think I will try your system on the weekend when I have more time available. I think the answer is that I am holding on to everything (including my grudge ) but if I get a deeper more meaningful answer I will post it here. Thanks&Cheers,Lili
Hi Lili, That's great. Holding onto everything, including your grudge! :slight_smile: There is a famous story in India about a man on a train. He is standing up and holding is luggage. It is really heavy, but he doesn't want to put it down. After some time he starts sweating and shaking. Someone says to him: "what are you doing? You are already on the train, just put it down". So this is the thing. You are already on the train, you can just put it down. In terms of yoga, it goes pretty deep. We are talking about the 5 afflictions (kleshas) which Patanjali discussed in the Yoga Sutras. These are the 5 things that stop us from being enlightened. Let them all go, and that's it. The big lights. Number five is clinging. If you are doing the inquiry (and I'll offer you the next step as I see it, because it's a bit subtle), I'd say you must be clinging to the idea that you have a future. If you were not clinging to this idea, then you would not have the sense that you need to hold on to money, possessions, or grudges. Someone once asked Byron Katie if she had plans to expand her School where she teaches and to try and make the Work more available to people around the world. She replied: "I have no plans. I am a woman without a future". So this is the sense of timelessness (akala in Sanskrit), no clinging to the past or the future. If you are doing The Work, you could use the line: "I have a future. Is it true? If someone is really ripe, then this kind of inquiry could take them completely beyond the issue. Personally I find that it can help a little, but at the end of the day, meditation is a much more sure way of dropping attachments. I won't ask you any more questions, unless you want me to. In which case I'll happily grill you to the world's end (literally). :grin: All the best Christi
Thanks Karl–this was a whole lecture . I am trying to let go using multiple modalities and sometimes it works and other times it doesn’t work. How about that?
You can let go in a simple way, it's just your mind making up a thought that it has to be some special key that releases it. So, just for you :grin: I have a fantastic, complex way to get rid of it. Well I have several, but this is one we can do over the internet. Close your eyes and go back to the time with the workmen, remember when you began to feel those negative emotions and get them to the point when they are strongest around that event. Make sure you are in the event, looking through your own eyes and when you are ready, pop out of your body and look at the scene with you in it as if it was a frozen picture. At the bottom of the picture I want you to notice a tiny little coat hook. Take the emotion and hang it on the hook and then get back into your body. Now, begin to rise up in your body and get above the event, go higher and higher, let the scene below you dwindle into the distance and all the colour fade out like a worn out black and white movie. Fade it completely out. Continue to float and come down, back into the room, in the present time and open your eyes. Do a few gentle stretching excersises. Question 1: Think back to that event where you once had that strong negative emotion. Is it there ? That's right it's gone. Question 2: Now imagine a similar event in the future, where you would have had that same strong negative emotion. See if you can feel it and you may find you cannot. Come back to Now and do a few light excersises. You can repeat this as many times as you need to. At some point you might notice there are other events that happened before this event. Just use the same technique, feel the emotion, come out and view the picture, attach emotion to hook, back in body, float up, fade out scene, come back to now and ask yourself those two questions. Always do the light excersises when you come back into now and again after the questions.
Thanks Karl–cool technique! At least for some time it seems to work. I guess I will have to repeat it though as not sure it will all disappear in one go. The funny thing is that when I took the emotion to put it on the hook it was looking like a white hospital doctor’s coat
Can I have your other several techniques also .
Hi Christi,
Thanks for the train thing. Funnily enough today even before reading your post I was thinking that I am like this exact anecdote you describe as I’ve heard it before.
I did the inquiry on i have a future as you’ve given it and it did seem to offer relief, but it only lasted a few seconds (my usual problem with this stuff).
I think I will try the Sedona method–have you got experience with it? In Dutch the Sedona website is called http://www.laatlos.nl/ which literally means letgo.nl 
.
Feel free to ask questions - you must have patience of a saint not to get bored with me as i’m bored with myself and my issues for a long time now 
Hi Lili,
The more inner silence we have, the deeper self-inquiry goes. And Self-inquiry helps to bring more peace to the mind, and so more inner silence. It’s a two-way thing. So don’t despair. It’s all there for a reason. And of course yoga brings inner silence, and self-inquiry is yoga too. So everything fits together and works towards the end goal… freedom. Then you don’t need any patience any more… patience for what? What is going to happen? You see?
I don’t have any experience with the Sedona method, so I can’t help there. Let us know what it brings?
Christi
Hi Lili,
Here is another story from India:
There was once a man in India who had had enough of the worldly life. He decided to give up all his possessions and become a Monk. So he went to see a teacher, who told him that he could study under him. The teacher only had a few disciples, so he didn’t mind having one more. His teacher asked him if he was really ready to give everything up for the holy life? He replied that he was. So he was instructed to sell everything he had, and give all the money to the poor.
When he had done this he came back to his teacher, and his teacher gave him 3 things… a cloth to put around his waist, a pot to collect his alms food in every day, and a stick to help him walk.
The teacher and his disciples set out into the desert together. On the first day the teacher said they should fast that day. On the second day again he said they should fast. On the third day they came to a lake. “You are dirty”, the teacher said to the man, “go down to the lake and wash”.
Whilst he was washing, the teacher took the man’s pot, his stick and his loin cloth and he and the other disciples went and hid behind some trees. When the man came out of the lake, he was so angry, he started shouting and hopping up and down. The teacher came out from behind the trees laughing his head off. He said: “3 days ago you told me you were ready to give up all worldly possessions. And now look at you. In the whole world you only own three things, and you are acting like a madman.”
This is the power that maya has over the soul.
Christi
Hi Christi,
Thanks for the enouragement. The issue is that I just want to feel OK all the time NOW–the fact that I may or may not get “there” (where ) in 20 years is of little comfort NOW. (the caps are don’t mean showting btw–just emphasizing the importance of now ).
The Sedona method is interesting–similar somewhat to BK and the method shared up above by Karl. It consists of 5 steps:
- Giving the negative feeling or physical sensation space–e.g. imagining the negative feeling b-n your hands and spreading them out.
- Asking the question: Can I let this go? (answer is always Yes
- Asking the question: Do I want to (answer is again yes)
- Asking the question: When? (now
- Imagining the negative feeling going out (e.g. visualizing it as smoke or something similar like that)
Like the story–it’s funny but not sure how to apply it as already know I am not ready for becoming a monk and stuff
As others have said in many different ways, the key is forgiveness. Anger is used by the Ego to strengthen the separation. Any mental tool to help with the forgiveness will work. Some like the concept of Divine grace - put the memory in a ball and imagine a divine light from above dematerializing it. I have found humor helpful - imagine it being eaten by something stupid (like the kids dinosaur Barney). If you can learn to laugh at (and with) yourself, it makes it all easier.
Namaste, Jeff
Yes, you will need to repeat it.
Is the white doctors coat significant ?
For the other techniques you could try EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique), google it, it’s a series of tappings which release emotion.
Timeline therapy is very useful but needs a skilled practitioner present as it needs to be taught. I based the ‘little hook in the corner’ around it.
Something else to try is to imagine a certain situation and the people involved. Pop into the person you having conflict with and through their eyes, consider what you are saying and how you are behaving (can be quite a shock).
Then become a fly on the wall and watch yourself (not unlike the witness), do the same again. Pop back into your own body and see what you learned.
Or just do the AYP practise. Nothing fancy to learn and a whole bunch of great people helping you out when things get difficult.
Hi Lili,
I wasn’t suggesting that you should become a renunciate. No need for that. It was just a story to show how even people who have supposedly renounced the world, and let go of all their possessions, still hold onto things. It’s really the deepest and only problem in the world.
Sounds pretty much like what we have been doing together in this thread, no?
Yes, it’s right here, right now. Always. It’s just that sometimes some inner housecleaning is needed before we can see it (as Yogani so often says).
A few days ago a friend of mine told me that he wasn’t interested in enlightenment, he just wanted to find peace, and to love everyone in the world.
Right here.
Right now.
You won’t find it anywhere else.