Feeling unsure which path to follow

05. Satsang Cafe - General Discussions on AYP
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Hi there!
I am new here and it’s great to read through all different experiences of others on there own paths.
I try to follow your guideline to make it easier to explain:

What sort of spiritual practices have you been engaged in, if any? How long? How often? Are you aware that excessive spiritual practice can aggravate kundalini, often with a delayed reaction?

I am a devotee of Ramana Maharshi for almost 10 years with “Who Am I” and jnana yoga as my main practise. Beforehand I did a lot of sport/yoga and meditative practise until I became a devotee of Bhagavan. Since that I did use all my spare time to sit in satsang and to contemplate on the “I am”. I dropped almost all other “forms” of practise. There have been many kundalini experiences, visions, Nirvikalpa Samadhi during those years … but the question always remained: Who is the witness of all of these?

What is your general diet? Are you aware that a lighter diet can stimulate kundalini?

I am not taking any kind of drugs and eat/drink sattvic food only.

Are you a highly devotional person? Are you aware that excessive devotional activity, satsang or spiritual study can aggravate an active kundalini?

yes. In last two years I became aware that my practise of jnana was incomplete without bhakti. Bhakti only was able to cultivate a energetic vehicle that opened my heart in another way so i could enter more blissfull states and gain a more intuitive understanding of myself. This happened when an inner image of a godess appeared. After sitting in devotion to her I identified her as Radha and she guided me to Vijñāna Bhairava Tantra. I always had strong feelings of love, of giving, of devotion and feelings of unity with others.. but:
This is the point where my spiritual clarity fell apart.

Are you engaged in ordinary daily activities like a job, school, family, parenting, social activity, service to others? Are you aware that such activities, undertaken without spiritual intention or expectations, can help ground excessive kundalini energies?

Being 40 I have several kids and I am married. I work a job and do my duties as a householder. This kind of structure is part of why it’s hard for me..

What’s my question:

How to gain clarity on how to proceed from here. Before gaining tantra I was only sitting in satsang and contemplated.
But than, I felt like I miss something: Bhakti. And after receiving Tantra I somehow feel it is hard for me to follow this path. I always wonder if it is the ego that wants all of what tantra offers, and if I just should let it go of it and don’t follow the call.. or if this call is an inner call and that I should go trough the transformation process with tantra.. It’s very hard to tell for me and I wonder if someone has some guidance or advice for me..

I hope my words make sense,

Thank you for your time,

warm regards, Philipp

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Welcome to the AYP Forum, Phillip.

Since you are here, I propose you explore AYP teachings and see how these resonate with you. You can start with the key lessons

I note your comments about being a devotee of Bhagavan focusing on Silence and Being and Self-inquiry (Who Am I?)
Self-inquiry is not taught as a stand-alone practice in AYP but rather after years of deep meditation and other AYP techniques, the inquiry “Who Am I?” automatically and naturally reveals itself. Abiding in the clarity of the Self /Being/Inner silence also happens naturally.

good luck on your path

Sey :pray:

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Hi @SeySorciere

thank you for your kind words. I was not aware that AYP is a system in itself. I read through some forum posts and already searched the main page a little.

I will take your advice and look through some practices and feel what grabs my attention.

Thank you! Just writing about it helped me to gain some focus.

warm regards,

philipp

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I think at this point it’s getting obvious that this confusion is related to becoming aware of my sexual energy and that I tend to project it outwards instead of channeling it thus loosing energy and focus/awareness.

In another thread of mine @Christi mentioned someting that points to this circumstance: shakti rises to meet shiva, which refers to prana builds up to meet the silence. It seems i tend at this point to let it flow outside to external stimulus instead of letting it build up inside and nurish from it.

It mostly related to sexual energy. I tend to let desire diffuse my awareness and practice. It’s a tendency in the mind.

I am planning on doing tantric ejaculation rejection and pranayama to ease into the build up of prana in the body.

Is there anything else that comes to mind?

I am open to hear your thoughts on my reflections…

Regards, Philipp

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Dear Phillip,

The practice where Shakti is stimulated to meet Shiva in AYP is Spinal Breathing Pranayama (SBP) found here:

But SBP is not recommended as a stand-alone practice. You have to have a stable meditation practice and in AYP, this is Deep Meditation, found here:

Tantra techniques are also available here:

regards,

Sey :pray:

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Thank you very much @SeySorciere . This is very kind of you.

I was starting on spinal breathing as taught by yogani and also started reading his book on tantra: Tantra - Discovering the Power of Pre-Orgasmic Sex.
I really feel like there is some kind of exposion happennig right now and I feel happy about it but I also notice fears and insecurities arising..

It’s a blessing that I found an answer to something I did not even knew I asked for…

I will have to adjust my practice accordingly to my new insights and go from there..

Regards!
Philipp
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