Hi there!
I am new here and it’s great to read through all different experiences of others on there own paths.
I try to follow your guideline to make it easier to explain:
What sort of spiritual practices have you been engaged in, if any? How long? How often? Are you aware that excessive spiritual practice can aggravate kundalini, often with a delayed reaction?
I am a devotee of Ramana Maharshi for almost 10 years with “Who Am I” and jnana yoga as my main practise. Beforehand I did a lot of sport/yoga and meditative practise until I became a devotee of Bhagavan. Since that I did use all my spare time to sit in satsang and to contemplate on the “I am”. I dropped almost all other “forms” of practise. There have been many kundalini experiences, visions, Nirvikalpa Samadhi during those years … but the question always remained: Who is the witness of all of these?
What is your general diet? Are you aware that a lighter diet can stimulate kundalini?
I am not taking any kind of drugs and eat/drink sattvic food only.
Are you a highly devotional person? Are you aware that excessive devotional activity, satsang or spiritual study can aggravate an active kundalini?
yes. In last two years I became aware that my practise of jnana was incomplete without bhakti. Bhakti only was able to cultivate a energetic vehicle that opened my heart in another way so i could enter more blissfull states and gain a more intuitive understanding of myself. This happened when an inner image of a godess appeared. After sitting in devotion to her I identified her as Radha and she guided me to Vijñāna Bhairava Tantra. I always had strong feelings of love, of giving, of devotion and feelings of unity with others.. but:
This is the point where my spiritual clarity fell apart.
Are you engaged in ordinary daily activities like a job, school, family, parenting, social activity, service to others? Are you aware that such activities, undertaken without spiritual intention or expectations, can help ground excessive kundalini energies?
Being 40 I have several kids and I am married. I work a job and do my duties as a householder. This kind of structure is part of why it’s hard for me..
What’s my question:
How to gain clarity on how to proceed from here. Before gaining tantra I was only sitting in satsang and contemplated.
But than, I felt like I miss something: Bhakti. And after receiving Tantra I somehow feel it is hard for me to follow this path. I always wonder if it is the ego that wants all of what tantra offers, and if I just should let it go of it and don’t follow the call.. or if this call is an inner call and that I should go trough the transformation process with tantra.. It’s very hard to tell for me and I wonder if someone has some guidance or advice for me..
I hope my words make sense,
Thank you for your time,
warm regards, Philipp
