Energetic Awakening & Long-Term Fatigue – Is Slow Healing Normal?

14. Kundalini - AYP Practice-Related
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Hello everyone,

I’ve been a long-time AYP practitioner — going on 16 years now — though I haven’t been very active on the forum until now.

I wanted to share a bit of my journey and see if anyone here can relate or offer insight. For most of this path I’ve been something of a lone wolf, but lately I’ve felt the call to reach out. So thanks for taking the time to read — I really appreciate it.

Back in November 2019, I experienced what felt like a significant energetic awakening. Whether it was a full kundalini awakening, I’m still not sure. But from that moment, my life shifted dramatically. Not long after, I went through a burnout that left me unable to work — I ended up living in my car for a year.

By that point, I was already aware of self-pacing and overload, so mentally I was okay. But physically, it was incredibly difficult.

Over time, I’ve gradually regained the ability to function and found new ways to support myself. (I was a carpenter, but can no longer handle physical work without crashing.) Throughout these years, I’ve noticed my nervous system adapting to what feels like stronger energy flows. My awareness has deepened, there’s more clarity and calm, and my heart has been opening slowly but surely. In many ways, these changes have been beautiful.

That said, the one thing that’s persisted through it all is a deep physical fatigue. Not a lack of motivation or mental energy — just ongoing, baseline tiredness. I’ve had blood work done multiple times, tried different diets, stayed moderately active (light weights, walks, jogs), and become very attuned to grounding and nourishing the body.

My working theory is that my nervous system is adjusting to the energy — and that the nerve tissue is taxing to build. Although the energy doesnt stop increasing so the system is always under stress. But after six years, I still sometimes wonder: is there something else going on? Is there something more I could or should be doing?

Since 2019, I completely paused my practice and then slowly rebuilt to around 20 minutes once or twice a day — usually starting with 5 minutes of spinal breathing and then just resting in silence without mantra. I’ve experimented with different approaches over the years, and this rhythm seems to support me best right now.

Has anyone else gone through something similar? Were you able to fully recover your physical energy and function? Was there anything that helped you turn the corner?

Thanks again for reading — I look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Samuel

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Hi Samuel,

So sorry to hear you have experienced so much difficulty on your path. Everyone is different in how they react to practices and the process of inner purification and opening. Perhaps this is why in times past, practices were only offered to the very few who passed a long list of prerequisites (maybe lifetimes worth!) before being given powerful spiritual practices. Here we give it all, so each can choose. So much freedom to access powerful tools can be messy sometimes. I hope it has been worth it.

It appears you have inner silence (witness) well established, enabling you to weather the storms in your neurobiology and life. Now there is the question, will the fatigue finally give way to more positive energy in life?

You have managed everything well, given the difficulties you have faced. No doubt you will continue to do so, and the fatigue will gradually become less. Is the slow healing normal? Yes, it can be, if the imbalance has been so much for so long. Slow healing is still healing, and life will continue to get better.

My path has had rocky times in the past, but not to the extremes you have endured. You are in my prayers. Would you like to be added to the samyama healing list? It is going to be alright.

I hope others here will chime in with support.

The guru is in you. :pray:

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Hi Samuel
Your story is heartbreaking, my path was (is) so smooth compared to you that it makes me feel kind of ashamed. But your courage, determination and persistence is hearthwarming. I will also pray for your recovery.
I see that Yogani replied to you with his blessings, so my recommendation might be wrong, but since your problems migh be energy related wouldn’t be better if you skipped kundaliny completely and jut sit in silence? I’m not asking you to do it, just consider it.
This problem is rampant in the AYP forum, it’s not caused by AYP but AYP is where people with those problems turn to for support, this to say that it would be nice to have one or more AYP centers where practitioners could get together for support and such, a place where one could go to instead of living in his car. I know its a big dream but wouldn’t it be nice!
Blessings Samuel have faith in the practices.
:pray:

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Samuel,

Though not as extreme as your experience, I can relate a similar story.

The last several weeks I have been attempting to do spinal breathing pranayama prior to deep meditation.

In the past I have sometimes experienced irritability and headaches from spinal breathing. But this time I found myself physically tried to the point of having to lay down almost all day for several days. I had attributed this lack of energy to jet lag, having just returned to the USA from an AYP retreat with Christi in England (a wonderful retreat by the way, with no issues because energies seem to balance out at retreats).

So I was thinking I would be doing great after the retreat, but just the opposite happened. I got worse every day.

Also, my watch that measures heart rate variability (HRV) showed a marked decrease during sleep.

Having recently started using ChatGPT (upon a recommendation by Interpaul), I asked ChatGPT if fatigue was an overload symptom in AYP. The answer was a strong “yes”.

I have stopped spinal breathing and only do deep meditation now. My energy has returned and my HRV has improved dramatically as well. For me, for now, it is only deep meditation. Fortunately I enjoy deep meditation and it does not seem to cause overload. I do 20 minutes twice daily and I lay down and rest for 10 minutes after meditation.

I don’t know if my story will resonate with you, but I do hope you can find relief. Bring tired is a frustrating place to be.

All the best.

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Hi Samuel
I had kundalini overload but not as dramatic as yours
In my case i cut down practices in 2012.and kept cutting down till 2015 …no practices at all since then
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The energy symptoms took around 6 years to fully calm down…from 2012 till 2018
.
I am sure you know the drill of eating heavier…eating meat…you mentioned you were exercising…so it seems you are doing it all
.
Some supplements can help with the fatigue, just make sure to ask your doctor before deciding which one to take…to suggest a few ginseng or ashwagandha or creatine or Coenzyme Q10
.
Please ask your doctor…supplements are like practices…they affect people in different ways…

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Hello Yogani,

Thank you for your message. I truly appreciate all the work you’ve done in putting these practices together and for sharing your wisdom with us.

The approach of providing all the powerful practices right from the beginning is, I suppose, an experiment, and one that I really liked and was happy to risk when I first started. More freedom can lead to more danger, and for some, it’s a challenging path. I hope my experience is the exception, and if I hadn’t received the practices from you, I would have sought them elsewhere, as that was my desire.

The matrix of obstructions, as you describe, is unique to each of us. I feel I was a very dense being when I first started practicing. I had a lot of bhakti and was very dedicated to my practice for nearly a decade before this issue arose. My experience was quite “to the book” initially, with a gradual rise in inner silence followed by the slow awakening of the energy body. I often engaged in self-enquiry and shed many layers of mental debris. So predicting such a situation seems very difficult.

Interestingly, I have siblings who are/were practitioners, and they’ve all had some difficult experiences with their nervous systems. I almost seem to have had the most success, LOL There must be some karmic issues at play.

I appreciate your prayers and feel very blessed to receive them. If I could be added to a Samyama list, I would be most grateful.

Regards,
Samuel

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Hello Alain,

Thanks for your message. I appreciate your support and encouragement, and I’m very pleased to hear that you’re having a smooth experience with your practice.

Actually, I was skipping SBP for the first two years after my burnout and was dealing with energy pooling in my head. After revisiting some of Yogani’s teachings, I found that he recommends doing some SBP to center the energy. Basically, just enough to avoid stimulating it but enough to center it into the central channel. After applying this, I experienced major relief, and my symptoms became much less severe. I know that other Kriya Yoga traditions emphasize constantly stretching the spine and doing maha mudra to re-center the energy throughout the day as well.

I’ve actually practiced AYP throughout my entire spiritual career, LOL, so I’m not someone coming from another tradition. Maybe this problem was always going to occur due to my obstructions, but I’m at least grateful that Yogani taught me how to navigate this with grounding and self-pacing. That has, at least, kept me sane through it all.

Regards,
Samuel

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Hello,

Yes, I think you’re wise to back off SBP for now. Yogani has said it a million times, and let my experience remind you that it’s a marathon, not a sprint. I went through many cycles of purification during the decade of practice I did before my burnout. I self-paced many times, always pushing my practice to the edge of being somewhat irritated but still able to function in the world and work. This was due to my bhakti and desire for transformation.

In retrospect, maybe I should have favored a lighter, more smooth practice routine.

I’ve also been to a retreat with Tristan in Koh Tao and enjoyed it very much. I really miss being able to sit for longer periods and do retreats so lucky you!

Thanks for your message, and I’m glad your practice has smoothed back out.

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Hi Sambo,

Sounds like a challenging time you’ve been having, my heart goes out to you.

Your message made me aware that it could be my practice that has been making me feel lacking in energy for a while, so that’s something I need to keep an eye on. Unfortunately I don’t have any advice to add, I just wanted to thank you for making me aware of this problem.
I wish you all the best with your unfolding journey, hopefully the fantastic advice you have received is useful for you.
You will be in my prayers dude :+1:

Tom

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I’d like to share my story, as I’ve walked a difficult path with AYP that others here may relate to.

Since I started practicing AYP, I’ve also experienced deep, ongoing fatigue — at times so debilitating that I could barely function. I too lost a job since last year, and haven’t been able to find stability in my current one. At one point, I suspected I had ADHD, given how difficult it became to stay focused for more than a few seconds. My attention was constantly pulled back into inner discomfort — whether emotional, physical, or energetic.

To this day, I don’t fully know where these symptoms come from, although I highly suspect it came from my own experimentations with various spiritual and energetic practices, sometimes for long hours at a time. I also have a background marked by addiction and substance use, which likely plays a role in my nervous system’s sensitivity.

I’ve posted on this forum many times, opened dozens of threads, shared my concerns, and received thoughtful advice from people at various stages of the path. I’m grateful for that. But when your life is in shambles, what you really need is something that brings relief — now. In my case, I was often advised to take a break from spiritual practices, sometimes for months. I tried many things. Unfortunately, I never found lasting relief by following any of the advice offered here, even when it made sense.

There may be many reasons for this. One is that writing about subjective experiences tends to introduce distortion — what we describe may not fully match what’s happening. Another is that AYP has its own vocabulary, and words can mean different things to different people. Let’s not forget the system was built largely through email exchanges — which can be both intimate and ambiguous.

As things stand today, the one thing keeping me relatively stable is a gentle awareness of the breath throughout the day. I don’t force it. I just return my attention to it when I notice I’ve drifted. For me, this grounds the energy, keeps me alert, and helps me meet my worldly responsibilities without too much suffering. Interestingly, I’ve read here that breath awareness in daily activity could increase overload — but that just hasn’t been my experience. In fact, it’s stabilizing. Perhaps that’s because, as Yogani noted, ongoing japa can dilute the effects of twice-daily meditation.

AYP is designed for people with active lives — work, family, responsibilities. Personally, I’ve always felt drawn to something more immersive. Before AYP, I worked the 12 Steps of Al-Anon with a sponsor who had lived the program deeply for over 30 years. They taught me the principle of effortless living, which seems close to what AYP calls stillness in action. That program taught me to seek God in every moment.

Honestly, what first ignited my bhakti for AYP was its promise of permanent union between bliss and ecstasy. That vision still speaks to something deep in me. But I haven’t been able to build a stable twice-daily practice. And at this point, I don’t think more inquiry or debate on this forum will help me reach that goal. I just can’t afford the consequences of trial and error anymore.

So this is where I stand today.

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I got you! :pray:
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Honestly, what first ignited my bhakti for AYP was its promise of permanent union between bliss and ecstasy. That vision still speaks to something deep in me. But I haven’t been able to build a stable twice-daily practice. And at this point, I don’t think more inquiry or debate on this forum will help me reach that goal. I just can’t afford the consequences of trial and error anymore.

Hi qspadone,

That’s great that you are finding some stability with the breath. It can be a very long road to recovery for people who have experimented with many hours a day of intense spiritual practices on top of a history of drug abuse. The important thing is just to take things one step at a time.

And that is great that you have decided not to continue with your trial and error approach. The chances of someone making consistent progress on the spiritual path but simply trying things out and seeing what works is practically zero. There are just too many things that can potentially go wrong, as you have discovered.

Hopefully now you will follow the advice given and take at least three months off all spiritual practices. This includes being constantly aware of the breath, being constantly aware of God, constantly flexing the lower abdominal muscles, or any other spiritual practice.

After three months, decide if you feel stable or not. No fatigue, no confusion, no unpleasant energetic sensations. You know the drill. If you are stable at that point then you could start to introduce some light breathing meditation. Just for a few minutes a day of gentle breath awareness. Don’t push things at first as these practices can have a flywheel effect, producing uncomfortable symptoms further down the line.

If you are not stable after three months then take another three months off all spiritual practices. Then you can reevaluate the situation. This advice is only given to people who have really got themselves in trouble energetically. This is not the regular self pacing advice.

If you do eventually come back to practising AYP Deep Meditation, then I would strongly advise you to practice it the way it is described in the lessons. Not your peculiar variation of it which would not even be safe for advanced practitioners.

Do trust that everything will be all right.

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