I see.
That is a lot to deal with.
Have you experimented with how much you can reduce your meditation times and still be benefitted with less turmoil? You did nothing for 4 months and in May you went straight into 15 min once a day and a month later the same twice a day. Was that rapid adding on something you did because you saw that once a day was not enough to stop you from being self-destructive? Or was there other drives behind it?
I see.
For me balance has to do with being able to operate from where I am actually at. Not where I am supposed to be according to a standard. A standard is never real on its own. So for me, being balanced involves looking honestly at myself (my humanity) to the best of my current ability, acknowledge what I see and take that into consideration when moving around in the world. What is revealed when the motivation is to see what is actually happening is always the exact thing we need to see in order to open further. But honesty like that can be very painful. Therefore we are not asked to do it all at once. One incident at a time. So that body, heart, psyche and spirit have a chance to follow.
Inner turmoil is also exaggerated in the gap between expectations and reality as it is. Do you think there is a chance that your turmoil is overwhelming because your expectation of yourself is out of proportion with life? When you observe the actions springing from your inner turmoil you acknowledge that you are not able to stop the self-destructivness of your own accord. As it is right now anyway. So meditation is needed. But are you sure that is the only reason you meditate? Have you really looked into how much is needed? Why so much as 15 min when it is clear that it produces too much ecstacy for you to handle at work? Balance would be to find out exactly how little you can do in order to open in the pace life offers. That would be far more compassionate too.
Sorry to keep going on and on about this Carson…I am only posing these questions because if there are hidden motivations, it would be so helpful to acknowledge them. In that acknowledgement the heart immediately opens and then compassion (warmth) has a chance to flow and make the pain more bearable.
Much love to you dear Carson
Not entirely sure what you mean by this. Well, that’s not totally true, I believe I understand what you are getting at, I’m just not sure what this would look like? I assume you mean; “Have you tried setting an intention (perhaps releasing that intention in samyama) to have the ecstasy used in a different way?” Is that what you are getting at here?
It’s hard to say for sure. I’m going to have to let that one sit for a bit I think.
Love!
Carson
I began practicing again (after approx 4 months off) because I felt that I had passed the balance point again, just in the opposite direction this time (too much outer not enough inner… or at least that is how I would “term” it). So I began with the 3mins SBP, 15mins of DM and a 15min rest. That went really well and things were nice and stable (a good balance of inner and outer natures) so after approx 1 month I added the second practice set. I did this because there was a very strong desire for more of a good thing (a deeply entrenched tendency I am aware of but often only in hindsight). The second practice brought on the increase in ecstasy but it took a good three weeks for the ecstatic sensations to get to the point where they were negatively affecting my work (although I felt really good).
Is it even possible to operate from somewhere we are not? I may want to operate from a different place than I am, but even then I am still operating from where I am at am I not? Perhaps I am misunderstanding you.
Absolutely. The expectation is that after all the spiritual practices, all the openings and realizations, I will be a happier, more loving, more compassionate, less angry, more patient, father, husband, friend and co-worker. This is not my experience… at least not after several months of stopping all practices.
No that’s not the only reason I meditate but it’s a big part of it. I also meditate because I am (generally) a happier person when I do. And when I am happy, I treat people (including myself) with more respect, gratitude and love, and there is a “clearer seeing” that results in more insight into and awareness of “reality.” I have a personal preference towards treating people the way I would like to be treated, but I have a challenging time with this (sometimes) when I am not engaged in a properly paced practice.
The once a day practice I was engaged in in May and am now engaged in in July seems to be just the right amount of practice for my body/mind to handle at this time. Could I go with less? Of course. Could I deal with more? Perhaps. Either way I know I have a tendency to want more so I often rationalize things in a way that allows my mind to justify doing more… and more… and more.
Don’t be sorry, I’m truly grateful for your time and clarity. Much love to you Katrine.
Love!
Carson
No.
But it is possible to not know this.
And that creates more suffering and confusion. It also takes energy to maintain every lie we tell ourselves. And in that, less is available for conscious and meaningful living. We are split inside. There is inner conflict. We go back and forth between adhering to the rules of the world/senses and adhering to our inner knowing. We look in the wrong heep…seeking positive reflection out there or thrills or pleasures.
The inner knowing does not have to be absolute in order for it to be useful. It is enough that we know what is actually true for ourselves. We cannot know what we have not seen so I am not talking about that. I am talking about the things we actually have seen inside ourselves. It is enough that I acknowledge the lies that I actually do hear or see inside myself or in my actions. How else am I going to see what is there under that pattern? If we go against our inner knowledge - we become split and we suffer. It is only a misunderstanding that keeps the lies in place. Yet our tendency is to judge ourselves so harshly. It needs compassion…and we all have that in our hearts…all human hearts are warm. It is just the depth (openness) where it is found that varies. In honesty the heart always opens and whatever there is of warmth comes through.
What we usually do when that happens is take the feelings of love…the goodness of it…and then we suck on it like a caramel so that it lasts as long as possible. And we forget that there is a message in the dynamic that just happens. It tells us what not to do next time. But we very quickly forget that part because we do not understand the immense importance of it.
Yes. You do know this
I totally agree that you cannot just do nothing Carson. You are one of the most honest people I know. It is a powerful tool you have that you can apply in a more compassionate way inside yourself. And it does not stimulate energetic opening the same way your other practices does. Yet it is still very powerful. When you are where you are right now in life…when there is inner recognition (when “cantact” is made with the witness/inner silence) …then there is also a truth mirror in there…and we can choose to look at it…and compare what we think we know with what we actually see or feel in the heart. And then - when the subtle little voice inside speaks, we can listen and act on it. That inner respectfulness is also deeply meaningful and allows for peace to settle in our butt. That peace is the power/love without the ecstatic stir.
The reason we don’t listen to the subtle inner voice is that we don’t take it for real. We do not trust it to be true. But in listening…and acting on it little by little…trust grows. And it is trust that we need more of. Not ecstacy or bliss.
I know you know most of this. And as usual you will wisely take what is for you to hear and leave the rest.
Much love
Hi Carson,
When it happens, have you tried focusing on your legs and just stopping it? “You” are not separate from the energy.
An analogy for you is being in battle, do you “long” to escape it? Bring clarity to moment.
Hi Katrine,
Thanks for your response. Very clarifying, and much of what you say resonates with me.
Not to get lost in semantics, but I just want to make a distiction that is helpful for me: that is…the difference between A) surrender to Life and B) surrender to Divine Flow/Stillness/Will. To me, surrender to Life kind of connotates a surrender to “circumstances”. To be more precise, Life is primarily a personal, human endeavor based on an environment where we have options to choose our destiny, mixed with pre-set conditions. Divine Will calls us to evolve within the background of Life, allowing it to be our stage to enact the comedic drama of spiritual evolution. Life is the stage, but Divine Will is what needs to be surrendered to.
Surrendering to Life, for most people, equates to the following: watching TV, trying to make some money, taking a nice vacation, and having babies so that they can grow up to do slight variations of the same. Now, if you surrender to the Divine Will, you’ll probably be doing those things as well, but you’ll also be doing extra things too (cultivating stillness and being radiant on subtle, vibrational levels, as well as being CREATIVE in terms of art, beauty, innovation, social and individual PROGRESS–which will CHANGE the consciousness of Life, and thereby improve the pre-set conditions for the next generation ).
There’s lots of people that are surrendering to Life “as it is”, and the profit-making, power-hungry moguls on Earth are more than happy to help you surrender to their stream of consumerist living.
So, it may just be a linguistic thing, but surrendering to Life does not nearly make the grade, for me. Surrending to the Divine Will, on the other hand, allows me to live a Life that is not bound or constricted by present-day circumstances only. Just consider Martin Luther King, Jr. or Gandhi–they didn’t surrender to Life “as it is.” They surrendered to the Divine Will to make a change for the benefit of all humanity. Because, here is the truth: Life is what we make it.
“The times they are a-changin’.”
Dear Bodhi Tree
Yes that is the problems with words isn’t it - they mean different things to different people
But even though our definitions of what life is and is not may differ greatly, it is still a valid point that we have to live according to what is true to ourselves. But we usually do not do this…we skip that part…and go with more exciting stuff. That is not a surrender, that is simply having it our own way. The habitual thing we do most of in society is that we do not surrender to our circumstances. We escape them as best we can. We usually want something other than what we have. And that is ok too. Because we are indeed evolving. Our deepest drive is to evolve. And sooner or later the consequences of that kind of living will be brought home to us (usually in painful ways).
Only each one of us can know what is true for ourselves. Simply because divinity and humanity is not split. We all have the same divine nature, but our human nature differ, so everyone is unique. Life gives us the chance to experience. And the wisdom extracted from experience makes it easier to point out things to ourselves and others (simply because of a more expanded view - more life available for looking), and if what is seen and heard rings true to us, then that means that we already know it. So by bringing it forward it becomes easier to hear clearly and to trust acting on it. Live truthfully. Only what we already know will resonate in our hearts.
This resonance and this knowing is the meeting point of our humanity and our divinity. This is where it is felt and known that divine will and life is not two. This is where everything becomes whole. But it makes no sense as a mental exercise. Words do not do it. Luckily it works weather we put words on it or not. Often we have to experience the same thing again and again in order to extract the wisdom from it. We repeat and repeat…not because we have not heard the message…but because we do not trust it. We do not understand the importance of it.
Luckily we don’t have to be enlightened to be honest. It is in our human nature as well as the divine - the pull towards truth. So even through we are not Gandhi - we do have the choice to surrender to inner truth in small ways. Every day. It starts here and matures from here.
Inner honesty is very challenging…the most challenging we can engage in. Precisely because it often goes against social rules and conditioning…inside and outside. And we judge so harsly - in here and out there. But if we live according to authenticity (what is true for each one), the consequences of this is that we learn what is what. Here. On this earth. In this life. And as our perception changes when more and more is made conscious and our actions become more beneficial for all…so does our definitions behind the words.
All the best Bodhi Tree.
Hi Carson,
the aerobic part is timewise a little bit critical for me aswell at the moment but the intention to maybe add it for at least once a week has already been sent into nothing ^^
So the comments relating to the good effects for health, aswell as stability and smoothness of “higher-gear”-functioning have their cause in the muscle toning program done every second day. I added two moves for the back muscles at the end, which take another 3 mins, so all in all it is about 15 minutes. But this is the first work-out so to say that I see possible to do for the rest of the life. I’m very thankful to Yogani for this great composition. The “downside” could be the overall increased need for food + the ever growing muscles so far. I’m sure they will stabilize somewhere along. It is interesting to observe the body getting in nice shape while at the same time thinking about yoganis body which may really look like this: http://vipdictionary.com/img/schatz_howard_athlete_shawncrawford_pg185_l-719874.jpg
Everything from the grossest to the finest at ferrari level but without the noise =P
You may be doing an inadvertent Mula Bandha procedure, due to the
affected muscles being cramped with all that sitting.
If the ecstatic energy is localized more in the left foot than the right, that is generally an indication that Kundalini will be making an appearance within 30 days.
I suggest you be be careful to relax the affected muscles in that region, and if your workplace environment allows, I’d just stand up next to your desk like you are going to do jumping jacks, but don’t jump. Just slowly flex the muscles of one leg, wait a few seconds and flex the muscles of the other leg, while doing some gentle, appropriate breathing. This will also help unlock the common stress held in the stomach area, which is a factor in nearly any and all energy-based discomfort.
Hope this helps.
Kev
Are you saying here that when you are in balance that you no longer feel ecstatic surges/ energy? This has been my experience, more silence more general contentment with balance, ecstatic hardly noticeable.
Hi Carson,
Its an interesting dilema, to meditate the amount you are doing and experience more equanimity in daily life and have energy surges being uncomfortably high. Or, reduce or stop meditation and risk the “decent” into the sharpness of the emotions and thoughts that can create so called strife and unwanted conduct towards others that you would like to avoid.
I would always be in favor of meditating and simply reducing practices until the time when the meditation is no longer an aid in avoiding those scenarios you spoke of in your earlier post or until the point that you can no longer meditate. This was what I did, without really having a plan, it just happened this way. I did this for a long time, until it was no longer possible to use meditation for balance and equanimity.
What I noticed was that once meditation practice was no longer a viable option, (and still isn’t 15 months after stopping) is that all those root thoughts/ beliefs which initiated the same type of conflict in my life that you describe in yours, were right there waiting for me to address soon after stopping. The difference was that there was a pervasive foundation of inner silence and a healthy skeptical mind from all the daily practice to handle the emotional intensity and thoughts that would initiate those types of situations.
In my opinion, life doesn’t allow us to just meditate our problems away, though it can feel like that and go like that for a long time. The body/ mind does change and gets strengthened with all the daily practice. Once the mind is in a better position of balance and there is a good emotional stability, at some point the hidden beliefs will come to the surface to be seen in some degree or another. Good news though is that life is gentle with us and only shows us in doses we can handle.
I put it out there because I remember feeling quite stuck between a rock and a hard place as I adjusted to the new dynamic of no longer being able to rely on meditation to increase balance.
Lot’s of love to you both!
Yes and no.
The energy is usually felt here as a constant (no up or down…just always ON) if I am inactive. But the habit of floating with it…to enjoy it for myself as a blissful ecstacy…is not there anymore. If it gets very tempting (it is seldom now) I simply breathe deeply …knowing that the only thing I can do to help with the balance is having a clear intention of not melting in it. It is here I am needed. Not in there.
It works.
When I am active (whatever the action) - it is a full engagement. The energy then goes into the action (no matter what it is), and there is nothing left of it to be noticed “outside the action”. Does that make sense to you?
The witnessing is also not separate from the action…there is no “distance” between the seeing and the action. The clear presence and the witnessing is not focused on at all, I never think about things like that anymore - and yet it is like that when asked to describe it.
The great about this for me is that it is impossible not to notice “falling off the edge of truth”. In other words, I am always “told” if I stray. In the tiniest ways…it is seen as it happens, and not ignored. If anything needs to be done about it, it is done as soon as it is possible. It is so great for me because the habit of being a “policeman” about myself has dissolved. I do not stand guard against myself, and neither is there imprisonment afterwards. So I can naturally be a human being and trust that it is enough.
There can of course be fear (like in the boat the other day when I almost hit the harbor wall because the motor was new to me… ) but it is ok. Breathe. Pain (physical or emotional) and it is ok. Breathe. The fear and the pain is felt fully - it can therefor hurt like hell, but it is not avoided. And of course it passes. Most of the time the biological system is operating in peace.
I also discovered that the panic I used to feel on stage during a concert was simply a decision to not be here. Because I was invested in the outcome. Just like I created the absorbtion in the energy…or my idea of celestial/heavenly as somehting “beyond”, I also created the panic. Both are escapes because it is such a challenge to be here “uncushioned”, totally naked. Knowing our total vulnerability, fragility as well as that which cannot be destroyed. It is both. Not one or the other.
There is peace. No inner conflict. That is the contentment for me. It is also a deep gratefulness that I am allowed to see. And there is no feeling left of not being in the right place or time.
So good to see you Anthem
Much love to you and your family.
Hi Carson,
My apologies for the delay, and for giving away the jewels.
My experience echos Katrine’s, albeit from another approach.
I noticed your preference for enjoying the energy once it’s raised, both for the pleasure, and the centredness it provides you.
The dilemma I have seen arising from energy stimulation practices, is that awareness and wisdom follow as shadows, but disappear quickly when the stimulation ceases. This is not a problem for a full-time Yogi, as he can just keep up his practices until the energy is sufficiently strong to initiate a self-sustaining transformation.
If life has decreed that you should serve in a more mundane way (with a conventional job) then I can see two clear options.
Continue with energy practices, but ask your inner being/Bhakti self to transmute the energy into awareness, focus, presence.
You could use AYP samyama, however, Intention without sufficient clarity can create unexpected consequences.
As a result, I usually enter into a respectful dialogue with my Silence and ask nicely if it could help me out in a way that satisfies both the worldly needs, and the inner needs. I am always required to contribute my own effort, and these days, it is usually quite gracious, although not always.
You could acknowledge life’s call in another way, and commence concentration practices to strengthen awareness, focus, and presence directly. Energy will follow as a shadow, and although you would not need to engage in any specific energy work, if you chose to do so, after a while, the increased clarity would provide sufficient balance regardless of how much AYP Yoga you wanted to do.
I suspect your own desire to find yourself in a self-sustaining place of clarity and balance, especially with those around you, is most probably the driving force behind your present challenge.
Namaste
On the point of 'ecstatic energy'.
A lot of people become addicted to the feelings of 'ecstatic energy' in the body. The ego locks onto these feelings as "proof that one is becoming enlightened" or what not.
After a certain point of practice, 'ecstatic energy' is constantly, quietly flowing, in an appropriate balance.
But if the ego craves this feeling of energy flow, it learns the trick of "trilling" the nervous system, to give an energy rush.
By repeatedly doing this, various subtle essences in the body are exhausted, and the person becomes an out-of-balance wreck.
In truth, those periodic feelings of extra 'ecstatic energy' are due to the continuing evolution of the nervous system, under the direction of the 'silent witness'. So when they happen - great. When they don't happen - great.
It's like a muscle. A properly toned muscle does not announce it's presence. But when the muscle is called upon to perform a more strenuous function, you feel that muscles presence.
It is the same with ecstatic energy.
Another case when you feel increased energy is when the silent witness is actively communicating (wordlessly) with an aspect of being, and it crosses a certain threshold and your personality becomes aware of it; you also feel a form of 'ecstatic energy'.
Now there is this misperception that to be some 'great yogic being', that you should be awash in sparkling energy 24x7, even when sleeping.
The truth is that all this ecstatic energy is just scenery; Unconditioned Awareness doesn't need any of this stuff.
I hope this response was of value to someone.
Kev
Hi all,
Yogani discusses the important part that ecstasy plays in the overall process of enlightenment here: http://www.aypsite.org/35.html
Without ecstasy there can be no ecstatic bliss, and no divine love as divine love is the product of the merging of ecstasy and bliss. Ecstasy is the end-game in yoga. This is discussed in a number of different lessons including this one: http://www.aypsite.org/127.html
“In yoga it is not possible to avoid dealing with sexual energy indefinitely, because sooner or later the nervous system becomes activated by the rise of kundalini, and inner ecstasy explodes inside. There is nothing more sensual than that. All of the advanced yoga practices are designed to promote ecstasy’s natural rise in the nervous system. Even meditation is ultimately for that, coming from deep inner silence to union in ecstatic bliss everywhere in the body and beyond. That is why we call advancedyogapractices, “easy lessons for ecstatic living.” [Yogani]”
Christi brings up a very good point.
There is a huge difference between the ecstasy of the body and
the Self becoming as one, and the transient energy surges
which are scenery.
Thanks,
Kev
Hi all,
We could be suffering from a lack of words here. Yogani once said that one day there will be 20 words for bliss, just as the Inuit have 20 words for snow. I suspect that one day we will also have 20 words for ecstasy!
) but it is ok. Breathe. Pain (physical or emotional) and it is ok. Breathe. The fear and the pain is felt fully - it can therefor hurt like hell, but it is not avoided. And of course it passes. Most of the time the biological system is operating in peace.