Does my Mind Create Problems for it Deal with?

11. Jnana Yoga/ Self-Inquiry - Non-Duality
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Feel free to move if this isn’t part of self-inquiry–maybe more of a general musing:

A pattern I’ve noticed with myself is that I frequently feel overwhelmed. This is partially because I have a lot of professional and family responsibilities and a lot of worries about health and finances. Some of these objectively exist and I have had ups and downs, with periods of relative financial and career stability tending to correlate with better health, fewer feelings of being overwhelmed, etc.

However, I’ve also noticed a pattern which I unfortunately saw play out again recently, which is that when I get less busy or feel relaxed/caught up with things, or as if things are going smoothly, I have a tendency to then create a problem for myself. Classically, and again in this case, one way I create a problem for myself is by trying to optimize my health with some kind of vitamin supplement or the like that ends up actually throwing me off and making me feel bad, most commonly with insomnia, though sometimes brain fog, or other such problems.

More specifically, I recently went through a very busy period and was also very focused on trying to up my brahmacharya time. In another thread I discussed the value of pushing that, and Tristan and others helpfully suggested that the limits of what can do comfortably tend to be also the path of maximum progress. So I stopped worrying as much about that and said, maybe my current level of brahmacharya is okay–I am making definite progress over time, I can tell, so maybe this is okay and does not need to be further optimized.

I have also been fighting a health problem the past four years or so. Kind of an autoimmune problem. I was very frustrated with it because it ended a period where I had been able to take no medications or supplements for a while and feel healthy, with occasional fasting clearing up any problems, but even a long fast did not clear this up. Anyway, so now I am back on the medication and supplement train, taking a bunch of pills every day to function and periodically trying a new supplement or medication to see if it will get me closer to “normal.”

But my health is not what this post is about–rather a tendency for my mind to create problems for itself whenever things are going smoothly. For example, let us say after a long period of many hectic responsibilities and much going on, I finally have a week in which not much is going on and I should be able to relax. Also, my health situation is going okay–not improving as much as I’d like but at least stable–functioning well, sleeping, able to exercise, etc.

So, of course I think NOW is a good time to try a new supplement I’ve been wondering about–maybe THIS one will make a real difference or even be the silver bullet. Plus, I think I took this one years ago and tolerated it okay, so should be fine, right? NO–I try just a little of this seemingly pretty innocuous thing (coenzyme Q10, in case you’re wondering) and I’m all jittery, my heart rate’s up, feel like I can’t sit still–much worse, this thing I get where I wake up in the middle of the night repeatedly for no reason feeling anxious comes back.

Hopefully once this is out of my system I’ll get back to my previous okay baseline, but the bigger observation here is that maybe I feel perpetually overwhelmed because I swing back and forth between being risk averse/too busy to take risks and taking what seem like minor risks because I think things are under control.

An idea I’ve heard, I believe from Dr. Sarno (he was a physician known for the idea that most back pain is caused by stress, not a problem with the spine) is that the mind seeks the situation it’s familiar with, even if that situation is not ideal. That is, I wonder if there isn’t even an extent to which my mind, when it finds itself without a lot of obvious problems to confront, actually “cooks up” a problem for itself to worry about because that is its “comfort zone,” even though it’s not comfortable for me. I don’t know if this would count as a type of karma or samskara for me–a tendency to create problems for my mind to deal with. After all, the mind is not really a “happiness machine” so much as a “problem solving machine.” It may be hard for a mind to accept that its problem solving faculties aren’t always needed?

I have certainly also heard the idea that e.g., people who have had stressful, traumatic, or drama-filled childhoods tend to try to create that when they grow up and form their own families because it is what they know. It is not that it makes them happy, but rather it is like a “comfort zone,” even though it’s not really comfortable.

At a higher level, perhaps even the idea that I should expect to reach a point of having learned from all my mistakes such that I won’t make more mistakes, even similar mistakes again in the future is also an unreasonable expectation–another “optimizing” trap for my mind to never be satisfied with how things are now?

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Hi Casey

All what you wrote is correct

I have nothing to add

You get it and that is huge

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Hi Casey, I agree with Maheswari, it is great you are recognizing the loop, and reflecting on your tendency, that is growth and a sign of rising inner silence. Be loving and tolerant with yourself, take right actions (or in this case no action) to learn and benefit.

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Hi Casey,

I’m wondering if there is another meta-level of your mind creating problems. And maybe it helps looking at it. It probably relates to your last paragraph. The meta-problem is about labeling certain events in the aftermath, rather than your actual thoughts and actions leading to the events being problems.

For example, you identify two events around the Q10 supplement as part of the problem pattern: 1) the magic bullet thinking, and 2) that the pills messed up a day and night (causing yourself unnecessary suffering).

Regarding 1) Maybe you had a good reason to try out the Q10 pills? Maybe you read about them, and it sounded worth a shot, and you just tried it. Are you really sure that what made you try out the Q10 pills was only or mostly magical bullet thinking? Or is this how you labeled it after the shitty day?
Regarding 2) If the effect of the Q10 was so clearly the cause of these negative side effects, you likely didn’t take more than one or two pills. So nothing of much consequence happened (apart from the few bucks lost for pills), you didn’t damage your body. I’m judging from my limited perspective of incomplete knowledge.

So, the meta-problem I see is that you label 1) and 2) in your mind as problems or parts of a larger pattern causing problems (in the sense that the thoughts and actions that were leading to these events are part of an undesirable pattern), when maybe the labeling of these events itself is part of an undesirable pattern. This is not to say that you shouldn’t learn from mistakes, but maybe reduce labeling failed attempts to improve your life as problems (maybe some failed attempts are, but the Q10 story seems not be one of those). And of course, I’m also just labeling stuff, but maybe it’s helpful.

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Hi Tensor,

Yes, I think there is something to this, as Maha and Michael have also said, which is that I struggle a lot with regret because I blame my past self for failing to predict how something could go wrong that in hindsight seems obviously could go wrong. But trying to re-inhabit the mindset of when I made the mistake, I often find that the choice could have or did seem reasonable at the time.

So yes, maybe there is more than one aspect here: one is noticing a bad tendency and being aware of it to try to avoid problems in the future but the other is also being forgiving of myself for making mistakes and also not expecting that I will ever reach a state of making no potentially regrettable mistakes, as that expectation or hope is itself part of the perfectionist impulse that paradoxically sometimes gets me in trouble!

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Hi Casey,

Thank you all for the wisdom shared. We do not choose the families we are born into; they are part of our journey, shaping us in ways both seen and unseen. Our early experiences gently form how we move through the world, until one day we become aware of our patterns with tenderness and clarity.

Awareness is the first act of compassion. From there, change unfolds naturally, in its own time. When the mind begins to wander or spin familiar stories, pause softly. Return to your breath. Rest in the quiet within—the loving silence beneath the inner critic.

Take a few slow, deep breaths into your belly and whisper to yourself:

I am allowed to rest.

I am worthy of peace and joy.

I am safe in this moment.

All is well.

I am whole, just as I am.

May you always remember to love yourself gently and deeply, holding your heart with kindness and grace.

Much Love and Hugs,
Sunyata.:heart::folded_hands:t4:

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Casey, I join the group in acknowledging you are seeing much of this very clearly. With regards to the “comfort zone” you posit, with regards to learned behaviors from childhood, I read an interesting article awhile back which looked at the “addictive” neurochemical profile activated by the stress response. They suggested some people unconsciously activate these stressful/traumatic loops so as to trigger the release of epinephrine/norepinethrine. These activate the sympathetic pathway (e.g. fight or flight) which focuses the attention/generates a burst of energy and prepares the body for action. There is a pleasurable energetic signature to this chemistry which reinforces unconsciously triggering the loop. Unfortunately the body down-regulates these types of pathways creating a driver to re-experience (simulating an addictive loop).

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Hi Interpaul,

I certainly know some people who seem to thrive on “drama”–that is, although ostensibly they should not like to get into arguments or incur interpersonal conflict with others, their behavior, including their reaction to the instigation of such conflicts seems to indicate otherwise. I can definitely imagine that some people become “addicted” to low-level interpersonal conflicts because it creates some degree of “excitement,” even though few tend to admit wanting such things.

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