I wanted to share something which is a reoccurring pattern for me for almost two years.
It started when I got to a part in my practice where I would just tune into the silence. i don’t want because I can’t describe with words what this practice is really like but for myself i understand this is the sadhana i have to do. just be in that silence watching what comes and goes and from time to time a doer, or thinker appears which I than start to observe ..
There is no realization that I am that silence but I recognize it as that which always is.. It’s MOUNA.
Anyways, this is just the first part of my question. The thing is, that this kind of silence draws me into it and this sadhana starts to take more and more hours of my days. I tune in and am aware of that silence and become more and more silent myself. bit than out of the blue the mind also goes crazy. Is suddenly triggered by ordinary things and goes off.. Also, outside stories appear. There might suddenly a woman showing interest in me and this draws my attention away. Or i loose my job and financial security..
It’s strange that it happened so many times that I don’t think it’s unrelated..
I hope someone can help me deepen my understanding. Has some tips or words that might lead my way forward to be able to maintain this sadahana and deepen it.
I do understand the ego tries to fight it’s dissolution and that’s why this stuff happening.. Can someone relate? How did you overcome such disturbances?
Your practice is not actually Deep Meditation as DM involves returning to a mantra whenever we realise we are off it. Your practice is actually the Passive Awareness Technique. Usually, if this technique is used in AYP, it is only a temporary measure used for self-pacing purposes.
It sounds as if you are doing fine using this method. And yes, as silence deepens this can cause prana to rise in the body to meet the silence. This in turn can cause obstructions to be cleared which can result in powerful thoughts, emotions, cravings, attachments and distractions. It is all part of the journey and does not last forever.
I filmed a short podcast on this for YouTube a few years ago which is here.
thank you very much for taking the time to respond. I listened to the podcast and I read into what actually is meant when you say „prana rises to meet the silence“. It makes total sense . I also noticed that the events where not totally random but always adressed deeper desires or fears. But somehow I did not know how to really deal with it. It’s good to read that this is kind of expected behavior really rather than a step back which it oftentimes felt like tbh.. It would oftentimes take quite a while until I could come back to this level of awareness to keep doing this practice..
I also like the pointer very much since when I am in this state often times it really feels like „shakti is rising and accumulating towards shiva“ but maybe I was too ignorant towards this circumstance to let her rise and merge completely..
I thank you very much of making me aware!
As for the practice : I was initiated by sri bhagavan himself. in a vision he, through a gaze, made me aware of this what my mind calls silence. and since than this silence itself became my guru …
The AYP approach is to do the practises in a self paced manner. And then going out and living. This will close the gap of loosing the silence more and more.
So, when you are losing this silence in doing other things…the time will get shorter each time to come back to this silence. At least, you are cultivating this silence in an effective way.
As more time goes by, I more and more appreciated the fact that we in AYP are just favouring a procedure. This favouring of a procedure will lead to stillness…and as more we are favouring the procedure, the more stillness we get- ofc there are more effective procedure and less effective ones.
And what I also have noticed- the more I am in an overload the more I tend to lose myself in daily life- and the harder it is to get back to stillness!!