Darkest hour of my life

A few years ago I was too heavily focused on pranayama and sort of threw myself off the path. At least my mind told me that . I invoked the goddess kali to come and destroy my ego around that time as well. A month or two I met this woman . She introduced me to opiates and quickly I became an addict . I love this woman however we are not together. Today . She is a sociopath and bipolar . I say that with utmost truth . Me myself I’ve never identified with much. My parents were abusive so I never saw myself as a son. My brothers were all in college and getting married in my early childhood as well. So I was never a brother to anyone. Didn’t have much friends in high school didn’t play sports . I smoked a lot of weed though . So I dentified as a pothead . Later after finding kriya I dentified as a yogi. Heavily attached to the path in an egotistical way. Then I met kali. And picked up my last identification . I was her husband . So as I became a heroin addict I obviously quit sadhana completely . I was no longer a yogi in my mind . Just a husband and a drug addict . Well sh*t went south with my marriage . Kali had been sleeping around with god knows how many men and women so I realized my marriage was a sham. All of a sudden I was just a drug addict. And I didn’t want that . In one final act of surrender I dropped and lost my desire to use drugs and for three days after that I watched as my ego disassembled itself . Everything about me has changed since . I now meditate effortlessly . My intelligence has exploded . People who I’ve known muni whole life say that it’s like a completely different person . My mind has become still . Along with a few other odd physical changes . For the first time in my life I feel home within myself. I feel whole . No longer seeking . Fullfilled

Dear adishivayogi,
Sounds like you have had a hard life - :pray:
Yogani recommends to keep practicing no matter whatever stages we are going through, even one where we feel we have arrived. Life is continuous changing, there are always more openings, more to experience. Enjoy this phase but best you get back to practices.
Good luck
Sey :pray:

Thank you adish blessing on your path :heart:

I’ve just been sitting with my being . No concentration , no effort, no pranayama . May be against some advise but the guru in me has inspired me to take this approach

Yes. :pray:

Yes about that. If all yoga is, in one way or another, to activate Kundalini (by whatever name one uses, be it Chi, Kundalini, Prana, etc) and for it to reach the third eye, why must one continue to practice the very same meditations when they have served their purpose? Doesn’t life sort of pick it up from there and the whole spiritual journey takes new strides?

Dear Piruz,
The purpose of Yoga is not to activate Kundalini - that is incidental. Yoga means union and it is the union between your outer world/reality and the inner one that you are joining. Yoga takes you on a journey of self-discovery, seeking the answer to the question Who Am I? Kundalini awakening is just the beginning and only one aspect of the equation, the energetic aspect. There is a need to cultivate Stillness through a meditation practice. Inner Stillness is key for stability and progress.
I see on your other thread you are attempting spinal breathing pranayama. Note that this is NOT a stand-alone practice. Meditation is recommended first and foremost. In your case - no practices at all is recommended.
Sey :pray: