Hi YogaIsLife,
I’m glad you are still in. I have no time now but will give you detailed descriptions as soon as I arrive at my bureau. 
Roman
Hi YogaIsLife and all,
Sorry for letting you wait, but I’ve been busy with my job… I’m going to write about my own experimenting, and some things might perhaps need correction. Pleas feel free to do so, or ask anything.
By “strengthen the pelvic floor” I meant exercising, and consciously using it, with the goal to make the pelvic muscles a bit stronger. It’s actually not such a big thing. Making them just a little stronger is enough, I think. In my experience, it’s not exclusively a question of the pelvic muscles alone. I don’t know how much you are into asana practice, but I believe that practicing asanas generally helps to improve tantric practice. It’s all interconnected. In my understanding it is so, that not only one or two specific pelvic muscles are involved in managing your seed, and energy in your body. I think that actually every cell of our body is involved. So as one advances with strengthening and evolving all the muscles of the physical body, the whole system then will be able to cary, conduct, and withstand presence of greater amounts of (sexual) energy. The physical body supports and caries our whole spiritual transformation in the physical realm, and thus advancement in any part of yoga is interconnected with the evolution of the body. I think that asana practice helps a lot with evolving tantric abilities.
As to the specific maneuver in the pelvis, which enables you to prevent or block the ejaculatory orgasm, it is nicely described in the following lesson:
http://www.aypsite.org/55.html
In this lesson it is described as “mulabandha” (the same as “root lock”, or “first body lock” out of the three body locks), and is meant to be used during spinal breathing. In this case we hold it just very lightly.
During tantric practice it may be sometimes necessary to contract the root lock stronger, with all your force. Other times you can use lighter contractions to gently move energy out of your pelvis and up through your spine. I’m experimenting with this, and it’s fun. In my experience, trying to apply the root lock - with the intention to stay in front of orgasm - when I’m very close to the point of no return, while continuing to arouse myself, leads to orgasm. On the other hand, when I am close to orgasm - and the urge finally starts to quickly grow (like few seconds before ejaculation would come), I stop moving, apply strongly the root lock, and this prevents the orgasm from happening. Then I can hold back a little, and continue.
When you get behind the point of no return, and the orgasm already started to happen, you can still block it very effectively with the root lock. In this case you have to do it really with all your force. I personally find it helpful to do it on exhalation (just when the orgasm is about to explode), clench my fists, and lately I’m doing automatically also sambhavi mudra, since I incorporated it into my SB pranayama. Experiment with that time to time. I find it okay to do a blocked orgasm once or twice every month, just to practice blocking and experiment. Apart from that I stay pre-orgasmic. It is true that before I learned to block successfully, I practiced it every time when I masturbated. So in the beginning I had an orgasm every time, trying to block it, then I learned to block, and then I started to do the holdback method and stay pre-orgasmic. This is how it was in my case. You may find it better to stay more often in front of orgasm, or practice the root lock first, as I did it. It’s up to you, I guess. So this way you can learn to block an orgasm - if it happens. Sometimes when I manage to block it really well, it’s actually more preventing then blocking. I think in those cases the orgasm actually doesn’t happen at all, and you prevent even the ejaculatory contractions. This way you stay strong despite that you happened to cross the point of no return.
As to where exactly to contract, it’s not the same like when you’re trying to prevent yourself from going to bathroom. When you hold on pee, you use (or I do) a sphincter near the root of your lingam. Then there is the anal sphincter. The root lock is in between those two. The place you need to get a good feel for is exactly above the perineum. Imagine a table tennis ball-sized (or so) area, the perineum being the lowest point of it, inside your pelvic floor, between your lingam and anus. You can consciously harden/contract that area. It’s a tiny invisible maneuver, and one really needs to get a good feel for it to be able to do this tiny movement. If you try to contract a little more, the “ball” will begin to move upwards into your body. You pull it actually into your underbelly. With practice you will be able to do and hold it also strongly. Other muscles (like the sphincters) are perhaps also engaged during blocking, but the root lock is essential.
I’ll add some more info on the Pilates method next time.
Take care,
Roman
Also, it is important to stay calm and generally relaxed during arousal. Keep your chest open and breathe freely, slowly, and deeply. Keep your belly soft.
Man, Roman, thank you so much!
Yes, this was my experience also. I guess my problem is to try to stay way ahead of orgasm. It is still too irresistable to me, the pleasure of an orgams, for me to psychologically be able to resist it. That is probably the hardest part - our attachment to the intense pleasure of an orgasm. I have to practice more on this. Somehow I feel (maybe it is psychological) that once I start feeling those intense pleasures and energies flowing, I am doing myself more harm than good in not having an orgasm soon. I know I know, this is probably a very non-tantric animal way of thinking but this is how I feel nowadays. I have a strong desire for trying tantric sex and staying pre-orgasmic for a long time so I will have to unfortunately get over this little addiction of mine.
Does anybody ever feel that sexual stimulation, if intense and left “unresolved” (by this I mean, not ending in ejaculation), can be harmful for us? Can affect our moods and bodies? Is this an illusion of mine or do I really feel it? I definitely feel some relief and some more calmness after an orgasm, especially if I haven’t been without one in a while. I think psychologists and biologists would say this is natural, but it does not seem to be so from the yogic point of view…also, although I feel a little bit drained, especially after it, I don’t really feel affected energy-wise in my daily life or practices, unless, of course, I do it everyday or every other day. Maybe each person is different in this respect also.
MAny tahnks again.
Hi YogaIsLife,
Regarding the Pilates question, the reason I’m recommending it, is that I never found enough discipline to practice daily the special pelvic exercises only, which is one way being often recommended. Attending a Pilates class was way easier, and in my opinion way more effective too. Maybe it’s just my personal view, but to engage in the comprehensive system of the Pilates method, to practice with other friends, to have professional guidance, to have lessons scheduled, is simply more interesting and fun.
Pilates is not divided in different methods, as far as I know. So the thing is rather to find a good, experienced instructor. You will find classes where people are sweating a lot, and the tempo is rather fast, and other classes, where the tempo is slower, and the emphasis is rather on precise execution of every movement. The latter is what you need, if you are about to gain delicate control over your core muscles. A good Pilates instructor will spend one, or several opening lessons, explaining a special kind of breathing. A good instructor will never stop to remind you of proper breathing, and will progressively offer deeper understanding of that special Pilates-breathing technique.
Over time you will gain direct awareness + delicate, and precise control over the deep layers of your abdominal, pelvic, and sacroiliac muscles. Those muscles you normally cannot deliberately move. Actually you normally don’t know that they are there at all. I think it makes more sense to do it this way, then just trying to selectively reach, and evolve one, or two muscles somewhere inside. It’s just my opinion though.
best, Roman
P.s.: Moreover, I find it works great as a practical complement to asana practice.
Hi YogaIsLife,
Well, actually yes. Many times, after being intimate with a woman, and leaving it “unresolved”, I have felt fairly intense pain in my underbelly, for like 30 minutes. This however, was before I started any yogic practice, and it might be different today. I don’t know really. I can only say, that I don’t have these effects after tantric solo practice, although sometimes I practice for fairly long periods of time, and build up quite some arousal. But of course, it’s still just solo practice, way different from having preorgasmic sex.
Other possible negative effects on our physical health have been discussed, and this discussion will go on, I guess…
As to the possibility of tantric solo practice affecting our mood, yes, I think so 
In a desirable way.
My experience was similar. Originally I also couldn’t recognize any decrease in my overall energy, caused by having orgasms. Only after I managed to stay preorgasmic for some time continuously - for me it was a couple months - I could realize that the level of my energy increased slowly and steadily over that time, and stabilized itself on a new, higher level. So only then I could see, that what I previously considered to by normal, has now turned out to had been a low-energy state, in comparison. The new energy begun to manifest itself in a form of ecstatic currents and discharges in my body, during meditation, asana practice, or simply during the day. Also, I noticed a new spontaneity and “instant creativity,” or a new kind of loud and open laughter. These kinds of things, I can quite easily imagine escaping my body with orgasms.
This is a tough number… I think, that this is actually a universal situation, that we encounter again and again, in any transformational practice. Time to time, there is a necessity to show a certain loyalty, or trust, or even faith, in the teachings we chose to follow. Time to time, we have to make some effort, perhaps considerable sometimes, without being able to see, or even imagine the reward for it. Often it’s really beyond our imagination, and every attempt for a description given to us, sounds completely dry, simply not ringing the bell. It is essential for our progress to learn to cope with this kind of situation, and I believe, that it is a question of practice too. The entire history of humankind is permeated with this motif, and it may well be considered The Grand Motif of life as such. It is the moment of death and rebirth, we all have to go through again and again, in countless forms, ultimately relying solely on our faith.
Let me remind you of the example from western mythology, the parable of the invisible bridge. It often helps me. It is a situation, the mythological Hero may encounter on his journey, perhaps on his journey home, like Odysseus, or you YogaIsLife.
There is that moment on the journey, where the Hero stands on the edge of an abyss. There is no way how to get on the other side, but he needs desperately to get there, because only there he can obtain what is essential for him, to complete his journey. It might by the Holy Grail, or a Key, or whatever. He perhaps doesn’t know that the thing is there, but an elderly, respected and wise person told him, it is. He has been told, and also intuits after all, that the only way to get to the other side, is to use his unshakable faith. To rely solely on his faith, and make a step towards his goal, despite he has no idea if, and how things possibly could turn out to support him. Because he’s brave, and his faith is deep, he finally closes his eyes, and makes a step into the abyss, letting go of everything he’s ever had, and not knowing if something else will come instead. Something, he hasn’t any possibility to understand, or even imagine. When he opens his eyes again, he can see, that a miraculous bridge materialized under his feet.
“Miraculous” is defined in the Oxford Dictionary as “occurring through divine or supernatural intervention, or manifesting such power.” Really, that Heroe’s faith meets the Divine, in that very moment.
So, my advice is: Listen to the wise person!
Roman
so you use the technique only when you slip over the edge?
yes
Roman, my friend, thank you so much for your thorough reply to my previous post, and for all the inspiration.
It is especially true about following one’s intuition and inspiration from “wiser” sources we feel are worth following. We might not be able to see then, but it is ahead. I felt that when starting meditation, there is that kind of limbo where you somehow intuite that is good for you but you still don’t feel it. It requires faith and preserverance. But it did paid off! Unfortunately for tantra I have more difficulty of seeing ahead but the descriptions you give (steadly more energy after some months, even if it felt no different in the beggining) are definitely inspiring and motivate me. Unfortunately tantra involves also someone else. I recentely started a relationship with a girl and we haven’t yet talked openly about this, but I know she is very understanding and has engaged in pre-orgasmic sex before (without even calling it that), but in this things it always involve other peoples feelings so it has to be my faith plus her faith in me as well! We’ll see…
Still about the faith thing, yesterday I was on the phone with a close friend that is going through some hard times. Funny how now I can be detached enough to see his own patterns of attachment to his thoughts and emotions. I see him suffering for what I clearly saw as useless suffering but even if I tried to convince him of the benefits of the practice of meditation (he has started but will he be steadfast in it?) and how training himself to be in the present and just observe his emotions and thoughts would help, he cannot see it for himself very well. Very curious I found - I could see it clearly but he could not leave for a moment the preocupations he had on his mind, all excuses, in my view, to not be present. Like he was in the middle of a cloud and could not see the open sky around it like I seemed to be able to see. It is faith really - but you need to at least have a slight intuition that something rings true and it’s worth trying, and then the courage and persistence to try it and keep at it. Those are the ingredients for success in anything. I don’t know if he could see it but in any case, one way or the other, I hope he makes it.
Interesting posts, Mimiron, YogaIsLife and everybody!
IMHO., both Deida and Yogani try to put things plain about tantra, which isn’t easily done. Yogani assumes some interest in, or exp. of, yoga whereas Deida of general spirituality.
There is a lot of mudras and bandhas out there (IMO., Deida made it a bit too simple), but the point is to acquire enough to make it work for one’s own body in the instant of hard trial; that’s the critical threshold to gradually cross, for everyone. Deida also says that when you’ve become able to keep on for 45-60 minutes (implying: on the first round, with no ejacs), then you’re almost there. After 14 hrs (plus a couple of breaks, but no ejacs) last Sathurday, I definitely agree that the path from 1 h to 14 hrs was easier than the initial one that took me from “totally unpredictable” to 1 hour. So I sure agree it’s doable - most miracles come from practice.
Yes, bandhas can be gentle (mostly felt, with a minimum of muscular activity - for ex., moola bandha during asana practice) or forceful/“therapeutical” , using the muscle/-s fully (in for ex, uddyana/agnisara/nauli ). The latter is more like a (very useful) emergency brake, because you want to finally “feel” your Kundalini into your partner, and through her - that is, you gradually use less and less muscular power and finally, over her muscles, you have a subtle influence rather than muscular control.
I find useful Yogani’s (and Deida’s) emphasis on integrating muscular locks and energy gestures (mudras) with deep relaxed breathing, a loveful openness to her whole body, a clear intent (to control ejacs) and full determination. I also agree with both of them that pranayama, meditation, relaxation and asana practice defuse a lot of tension which otherwise would call for release through a traditional ejac orgasm. As Yogani points out, tantra and yoga practices are closely interrelated. Very much so - in many ways.
Hi Roman and all,
I still have great difficulty in understanding (let alone doing) the contraction of the pelvic floor. I understand mulabandha very well and I can feel ecstasy going up with a slight contraction of the anus. But will this help in any way during intercourse to prevent or delay ejaculation? I still cannot understand how to contract the “pelvic floor muscles” (in inverted comas because I can’t really isolate them at will).
Today I found this very entertaining video :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8qJpXrVn7Pg&feature=related
It made me laugh, but at the same time do any of you think these exercises might have any efficiency? Especially the first, involving the breath, some retention, contraction of the anus etc. appears to do something, but will this be beneficial or maybe dangerous?
I think I will try contracting the anus during stimulation to see what happens. When I do it some adjacent anterior muscles (in the perineum -plevic floor muscles?) also seem to contract by default. Is this your experience? It seems to be the technique that comes more natural for me as it seems to have an effect on bringing energy up the spine. But maybe I should leave this technique (mulabandha) for just during formal practice? Or is it ok to experiemnt with it during intercourse? (the same could go with sambhavi mudra for example)
I also am confused because even though I feel ecstasy during mulabandha I don’t understand siddhasana. I felt ecstasy with it ocasionally but normally it is unconfortable, even slightly painful. I am quite thin so maybe I am doing harm by applying pressure with my heel on the perineum? Or is it lack of conductivity still?
Any advice gladly welcome!
This is not just a yoga thing, but also a Taoist thing too. Mantak Chia has written the most well known books on the practice, but there are others. It’s not his idea; it’s also a Chinese tradition.
In that practice you circulate the chi/prana energy over the top of the head to the dan tien once you get it up the spine.
Finding and contracting the pelvic floor muscles takes practice, but it’s not that hard. As the OP said, it’s not at the root of the lingam but from the perineum up.
Hi Yogaislife,
There is no need to block ejaculation using contraction of the pelvic floor muscles. It basically involves applying a very strong mulabandha at the point of ejaculation. It does the same thing as blocking using the fingers, but has the advantage of using a very strong energy lock at the same time. Blocking (either with pelvic floor contractions or with the fingers) is nearly always a less preferable option than simply staying in front of orgasm, and ending sex without ejaculation of any kind. So you always have the very best option available to you.
Sexual activity can be combined with most yoga practices. All the bandhas and mudras can be used as well as kriyas (such as spinal breathing) and mantra meditation. I don’t know if you have read the Secrets of Wilder novel, but in there is a description of a woman (Devi) combining the IAM meditation with lovemaking and sambhavi mudra. The only question here is how to combine spiritual practices with sex and keep everything safe? In the tantra lessons there is a lesson warning about the dangers of this, and Yogani advises there to keep spiritual practices seperate from sex, except for pre-orgasmic (tantric) sex.
http://www.aypsite.org/T33.html
But then, he did once say that some of the more advanced teachings are contained in the Secrets of Wilder novel! So if you think you are getting advanced, you could always experiment and see what happens.
If you sit on a soft surface with a cushion or two under your bum, you should be able to sit in siddhasana with only a slight pressure on your perineum. It should feel either gentle with no ecstatic sensations, or gentle with ecstatic sensation. In my experience the sensations can change from one day to the next, even when ecstatic conductivity is present in the body.
Christi
Hi YogaIsLife & Christi & everybody,
It’s a combination of several mudras (gestures) and bandhas (energy locks), plus breathing, opening the heart into full openness, plus intent/determination/dedication. Here or elsewhere, you learn one technique at a time before you combine - therefore, they gradually start to feel easier than relying on only one.
Simplifications are common (and sometimes even confusion - in texts from Astanga, Tao, Sivananda yoga, and many others). In tantric yoga, the contractions are usually more fine-grained and taught one at a time, starting from simply feeling each area, then visualizing a slight contraction there, then making it more and more muscular. It’s a yoga practice, based on training and patience like everything else (BtW., patience is great in preorgasmic sex, I wish I had more
Moola: the perineum (you can try drawing it inward/upward on inhalation, and contracting further on exh.)
Ashvini: the anus (to be added to Moola bandha on exh. later)
Vajroli: the uretra, in one or more segments at a time (to be added likewise); the classical point of concentration for Vajroli is the kshetram (front entry) of Svadhistana Chakra, on the pubic bone.
Breathing: deep relaxed breath, or spinal bhastrika if you’re too close to the edge.
Khechari: the tip of the tongue.
Sambhawi: the eyes towards the 3rd eye.
Sometimes the ten-finger gesture (sealing off 4 of your senses).
99% of this is in the lectures here.
Later, as you start combining, while feeling and breathing into your partner, the bits of the puzzle come into place and feel natural; you’ll need less muscular tension in each squeeze.
Of course it’s a lot easier after yoga and meditation practice - the relaxed concentration is already there, you just take it to bed.
Which is not to lean back - the path is the goal, as always.
'Njoy !
Hi HathaTeacher,
great input! Thanks for pointing out and naming the detailed components of the technique. Also the dynamic connection with breathing sounds very attractive.
I was just discovering these additional/partial movements at the root area, and I really found good to engage separately the muscles near the anus+mula bandha, leaving relaxed the muscles being closer to the lingam. This way the maneuvers don’t stimulate the urge toward ejaculation. Thanks for providing structure on this.
I find spinal breathing during arousal also good. This was recommended by Anthem in his brilliant Tantra “levers” - igniting the fire thread. I find it very natural during tantric practice (including sambhavi), almost automatic.
Another interesting thing was experimenting with Bahya Kumbhaka (breath retention after exhalation.) I found that during bahya kumbhaka the energy is being strongly pulled upwards, out from the pelvic region. Thus this shortens the time needed for “holding back” (when this is practiced/needed.) This was also recommended by Anthem. What I think was not recommended anywhere so far, is Uddiyana Bandha. I experimented with that, and found it also great. In my case, a combination of bahya kumbhaka/mula bandha/uddiyana bandha, even if applied fairly close to orgasm, literarily sucks the energy out from the pelvis. This is so intense that with this combination, going from “almost ejaculating” to “lost erection” could take really a couple seconds.
I also experimented with adding this combination while blocking orgasm with pelvic contraction, and it was really surprisingly effective. It felt like sucking all the energy, that was already half the way out of the lingam, simply back in. No orgasm at all. So this would be an improved “emergency brake.” I’m just not sure if uddiyana looks very sexy… 
YIL, it lately came to my mind, that another important thing could be helpful for you. Try to form the intention to preserve and control your sexual energy already at the very beginning of lovemaking. Experiment with the techniques from the very beginning, even when you are far from orgasm. Try to carefully move every bit of the energy upwards all the time, and don’t move closer to orgasm, into greater arousal. Use holding back, and stay there. I believe that if you manage to keep going like this for some time (maybe 40, 50 minutes) your energy could start to behave in a different way in your body (like my does), and you will be able to go into greater arousal without constantly needing to ejaculate. Be patient.
try to stay
around here
Thanks for reminding me. I probably did some of this intuitively the night I kept on for 14 hrs without ejacs. She loved it but I don’t think we’ll match that figure anytime soon, now that we’ve pleasant temperatures out of bed as well :-))
I think after yoga and meditation, the body and mind go smoothly where I want them too, whereas if there are rests of stress, a lot more conscious control is needed.
Bahya kumbhaka is sometimes called Little Death, it’s really a fast and extreme withdrawal from the senses. Combining with 2 or all 3 bandhas (Mahabandha) makes it even more powerful. David Deida wrote you should follow it up with several cycles of deep breath before a retry, in order to circulate the energy freely. That’s in line with how Kumbhaka is taught in yoga classes, too (either way - Bahya or Antara).
Your point about Vajroli is also useful, if you’ll too close Vajroli alone doesn’t stop you from tipping over the edge. However, the concentration point on the pubic bone helps a little.
These two threads realy shed light on the topic. Read especially the links about Karezza
http://www.thetaobums.com/Authentic-Tantric-Taoist-sexual-yoga-teachers-t9421.html
http://www.thetaobums.com/Isolating-the-tailbone-muscle-anal-breathing-t8092.html
I just tried this myself. No orgasmic contractions or semen at all. So that means that no semen was redirected to my bladder right? I’m sorry if somebody answered this already. I want to be as safe as possible about this.