When the Energy Becomes Very Intense — Trying to Find Balance

15. Kundalini Issues Not Related to the AYP System
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Hi, I just need to write some things out about the past week. Perhaps someone has experienced something similar and might be able to offer some guidance.

This past week, I’ve been going back and forth between being overly ambitious with my practices and wanting to let go of everything. At some point, I became quite low and frustrated. I’ve felt almost like my stubborn seven-year-old self.

I decided to let go of all the expectations I had been putting on myself this last week.
I turned 40 on Tuesday, and my daughter had her birthday on Monday. I haven’t been meditating this week until today, and I’ve eaten foods I used to eat before all of this ever started, without feeling guilty. I’ve had cake several days in a row and simply allowed myself to celebrate and enjoy it.

However, one evening, after eating a halloumi burger and a large piece of princess cake, I fell asleep on the sofa completely exhausted but happy. I woke up after a very intense dream and heard what sounded like a cricket in my ear, chirping three times, and then nothing. It was very strange, i have heard a lot of internal sounds but nothing like that.

The following evening, I found myself in a state I’ve experienced several times during my first year, although previously it had been more uncomfortable and involved what I would describe as sexual kriyas.

This time, there was a sensation of pleasure beginning in my head, perhaps around my heart as well, and spreading through my body and a little bit in my sacral. My brain produced intrusive sexual thoughts the same sekund it started, which I assume may simply be because those sensations still are strongly associated with sexuality in my mind. They faded quite quickly, and I was then able to simply stay with the sensation itself.

What frightened me was reading that experiences like this can sometimes be interpreted as energy being directed toward you. I really don’t want to carry anyone else’s sexual energy?, and that thought made me feel uncomfortable.

I then spent more than an hour in a state I can only describe as a kind of “high.” I’ve never taken drugs, so I don’t actually know what that feels like, but it felt almost like what I imagine being high might feel like. I simply lay there smiling. The closest description I can find is almost like an orgasm between the eyes, or somewhere inside the brain.

Today, I’ve had a great deal of energy. I’ve been listening to music and dancing, almost in a kind of lyrical, full-body dance, simply letting my body move.

At the same time, I become a little afraid when the energy gets this intense. I know what it feels like to fall from a high place, and when things seem to oscillate this much, I start to feel stressed and uncertain.

I’ve also wondered whether the unusually large amount of sugar and the different foods I’ve eaten could have contributed to or intensified these experiences in some way?

I’m simply trying to find some balance — to allow whatever is happening without becoming too attached to it or too frightened by it. I’m still trying to understand what I’m experiencing.

I did wake upp feeling very content today, and i did feel more stable after meditation. Should i keep on meditating? reduce sugar?

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Hi Smulan,

Disclaimer that I don’t have active kundalini or any direct advice, but am familiar with a lot of what you’re describing in general. Yes, sugar and carbs seem to increase prana in ways that you’re describing, sometimes with the result of feeling “high.” If your diet and health is otherwise fine, I don’t think there’s any reason to be concerned from an occasional carb rush. I’m also familiar with the sexual/orgasmic feelings in the head and heart! The more unfolding my energetic body has, the more all of these locations seem to have a sexual or orgasmic feeling. For me they never quite climax like an orgasm does, but it’s like a slow achy itchy feeling that draws my attention and feels like it could climax if there were more flow or if my attention could find just that right spot. There’s a deep one in my neck and inside my ears (mostly left side) that I feel in the background almost constantly. I think this may just count as the foothills of ecstatic conductivity, but more experienced members should correct me.

As for the sexual energies being from someone else, I think I can relate. I’m prone to feeling controlled as a result of my childhood, and I have at times felt these spells of being “controlled” by others’ energies. When I sense a particularly controlling individual, it can feel feel sexual in the sense of unwelcomed intimacy with my energetic system and a momentary increase in my prana. They are super difficult spells to untie when they strike. From what I can gather it’s more like this: maybe their energetic field is effecting me via physical presence or memory, but it’s more that my own system is inducing that state on itself and I’m ascribing “otherness” to it. Undoubtedly, this journey of unfolding is full of nuanced lessons in discernment. Wishing you clarity and strength!

P.S. happy birthday!! :birthday_cake:

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Welcome Smulan! No doubt sugar played some part of that dream, and even though you may not have meditated for a bit, purification can still be ongoing “under the hood”. This could be your neurobiology signaling it is opening to the sensation of chi/prana. The only way for inner guru to know is to get back on meditation track. It would do your body mind and spirit good generally to reduce sugar intake in any circumstance.

David, what you have described I would classify as further along than “the foothills”, especially the omnipresent white noise, your witness and acknowledgment of deep silence. Sexual sensations in meditation are waves that never crest, and most likely a signal you are experiencing automatic vajroli and the connection of your testes to the shushumna. Only after many years and a variety of meditation sensations (sexual, expansive, emptiness, blissful, taciturn, heavy, thick, lightness…) did come to know how to truly experience something and surrender simultaneously, the sensations come and go and morph and dissolve and there’s really nothing to do but be inside of them. Sometimes sensations become a blanket wrapping my Self and simply notice this and return to the mantra.

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Thank you for answering all my questions on here!

@DreamWeaver That could very well be the case. Projections that trigger me, my own fears taking over, that would actually explain why I first feel afraid when this loving “pleasure” takes over. The thoughts come afterwards, what if someone is doing this to me? And then the whole rant goes on in my head for a little while. I always come back to myself in the end, but it’s just so odd. I was literally just relaxing on my couch and then boom — suddenly I felt high on something, smiling, feeling amazing, but at the same time it felt really weird.

I guess it might be like you said, that my own system is responding and then trying to put it on someone or something else.

In a way, my whole journey so far has been about finding my way back into my body and reconnecting with my sexuality. I think a lot of it may be connected to early relationship and childhood trauma that I carry with me.

@Dogboy Something is definitely still going on under the hood :slight_smile: Learning new things every day, and so grateful for it :folded_hands:

I also wonder if abstinence could play a significant role? I became abstinent from intimacy, or at least from sexual climax, despite having a higher libido over the past year and a half.

I went from having rather negative sexual experiences earlier in my life to suddenly having a very open and liberated way of relating to my body and sexuality. But in the beginning, I experienced an extreme amount of kriyas, shaking, sounds, and other intense reactions, which eventually led me to take a break from intimacy with anyone other than myself for quite a long period.

And now I’ve had another longer period without any intimacy. So I’m wondering if that could somehow have contributed to this massive explosion of feeling “high” on pleasure?

It’s all just very strange to me, but also really beautiful in a way.

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@Dogboy you always have the most charitable interpretations of the state of my path =] I wouldn’t say I have ecstatic conductivity established at all, just glimpses of things that could grow and connect. I think I get glimpses and then intuitions of what’s to come and then my articularion sounds more exciting than it is! No white noise in my ears, just an awareness that focussing there feels nice. And automatic vajroli is doubtful but I can’t rule it out. The last few months I have abstained from most self pleasuring except every couple weeks. And only then more just out of functionality because I notice I get unsustainably intense and irritable. “Desire” isn’t even really there, just the intensitity. I mean now that I say it, maybe that does predispose me to automatic vajroli. But it’d be an accident if anything! lol

Anyways, I’m going to try on your three-quarters-full glasses from time to time. take a look around from a dogboy’s point of view :smiling_face_with_sunglasses:

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“Anyways, I’m going to try on your three-quarters-full glasses from time to time. take a look around from a dogboy’s point of view :smiling_face_with_sunglasses:”

Just keep going David, conductivity and natural vajroli are milestones but can represent diffently and we mature spiritually, there is never a lack of pleasant surprises. Your recent string of successes are indicative of your inner work, anytime you gift yourself with silence in practice, the veils become thinner as our inner guru strengthens. :folded_hands:t2:

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