Hi Piruz,
The spiritual path is a long path and there is a lot of inner purification that needs to be done. It is good to think in terms of decades rather than years. It will take some time for you to recover from the situation that you are in and then you will be able to move forwards again.
When you are in a position to be able to take up meditation again, I would advise starting at lesson 10 and proceeding slowly from there, following the lessons as you go. It is important to have a spiritual practice which is safe and balanced and can lead you all the way home.
Christi
Decades huh? I wonder exactly how many decades of their lives a man has to spare.
Spoiled!
it could be lifetimes 
speaking from a relative aspect 
Hi Piruz,
I think the real question you need to ask yourself is: “How serious am I about taking this journey?”. If the answer is, “not very”, then fair enough. You could go and do something else instead. But if you are serious, then you need to decide what to do about it. It is a serious commitment.
The spiritual path is not for everyone, and it may not be for you. But if you decide that it is, then you have the tools to move forwards. It’s your call. 
Christi
It’s not about gaining more, it’s about losing everything!
Sey 
Exactly Sey
A short quote by Adyashanti:
'Make no mistake about it, enlightenment is a destructive process. It has nothing to do with becoming better or being happier. Enlightenment is the crumbling away of untruth. It is seeing through the facade pf pretense. It is the complete eradication of everything we imagined to be true"
So Piruz, many have already given you all the answers you need in this thread and many in ayp forums speak from direct experience , you are not satisfied cause the mind wants a reply that suits with its views and beliefs, the latest one is that you seem to be in a rush and to add things to your life.I suggest that you really ponder the whole thread replies and especially the last reply from Christi
I don’t believe spirituality is an essentially destructive process. Some things are destroyed, perhaps many things, and the safe-zone of the mind is threatened, and it is that which does violence to the brain. But many things are preserved and even selected/magnified, the very things (tendencies) that started the spiritual development in the old mind, and it is on these old things that the new mind thrives and becomes. Even in radical change, there are foundations. This applies to the mind as well as phenomena outside the mind. A mental breakdown is only that, a temporary fight-or-flight response to the overwhelming nature of the experience.
Yes, I started meditation as a self-help tool, but that was years ago. Even before the outbreak of my Kundalini last year, I began to realize that meditation was no therapy, but a transformation. Little did I know, however, that this transformation would spiral out of control and threaten the very foundations on which it was built in the first place.
Okay I just came across something which might help answer my original question. As it were, after all the Chakras have been cleared and “opened up”, there comes a period of “free energy circulation” or “free Prana circulation” throughout the body. I picked this up from a Chinese-affiliated group which, I think, utilizes the concept of Chi instead of Prana or Kundalini.
This is what I meant when I asked “what happens after Prana awakening”. At the very least I’ve found a name or concept for it now. How does this “free energy circulation” affect the body and the mind and what surprises should one expect?
Why couldn’t someone mention this concept before? My question was fairly straightforward and there was no need to dwell on the philosophical/wide-ranging aspects of Kundalini.
Christi mentioned “ecstatic radiation from the heart” after the energy has started to travel downwards from the head, and that was the only precise answer I’d gotten. This is the kind of conversation I wanted to have.
Piruz, I came to AYP after exploring Taoist meditation which focused on chi. I had done the microcosmic orbit meditations. Once I started SBP I realized it was a very similar practice. I felt I understood this stuff and felt I could modify Yogani’s suggestions because I had a sense of the bigger picture. One day while doing the SBP meditation I finally tried something different, I actually focused on the exact way he suggested it be done. It surprised me how the subtle difference created a different feeling in my body. Now a year later I can say it is very different. The discoveries only came with practice and letting go of my predetermined beliefs about how things should be. Whether we call this energy Prana or Chi or Kundalini its the same stuff, just different words. Having read over your questions and the groups answers above, I sense a similar resistance to acceptance of Yogan’s practices as is. I think there are a couple things going on here. On the one hand, you have experienced an emotionally traumatic experience from which you are trying to recover. You will get better over time if you follow the excellent guidance you’ve received. The second issue is related to the desire for more, for change. Most of us want to have magical experiences, spiritual powers, enlightenment. We don’t realize what that really means until we’ve gone down the path for some time. It’s a little like marriage. We may come to marriage with a fantasy about how it will be, what we will get out of it. Over time we realize it is more about the other person than ourselves. If we come into it with a selfish motivation, it will fail. The path of enlightenment has the trappings of a greater attachment to ego, clinging to pleasure or avoiding the challenges of real life.
What I’m saying is, give yourself time to heal. Follow the guidance you’ve received here and get help from the medical establishment/therapists if you are open to their guidance. Once you’ve found your way back to a more stable place, consider starting at the beginning and make a commitment to the practices one step at a time, trusting Yogani’s very clear instructions and be willing to proceed slowly. It will take years. If you are in a rush, this isn’t for you.The path of enlightenment is likely not for most. I would spend some time exploring what your real motivations for this path are. Are you seeking power, pleasure, control? In Yogani’s book The Secret’s of Wilder, he tells the story of a fictional character who looses a lot to follow his calling for this path. Why are YOU on this path? Lastly, I’m not sure how old you are. Being in my 50s I believe this type of practice may be more difficult for younger people given their deeper attachment to the biological imperatives. Good luck to you, I hope you find peace on your path.
Hi interpaul,
As mentioned before I am actually tired of overwhelming experiences, be they magical or horrific, because even if they are “magical” this always comes with a heavy price, perhaps too heavy. Slow but sure progress is the way to go. This is, after all, how life evolved on our planet, slowly but surely. I may have not understood this before my Kundalini erupted over a year ago, but it’s my philosophy today.
So you see, I’m not craving miracles or superpowers, but rather an effective self-pacing regime to slow down whatever is happening to me (be it good or bad or both). Self-pacing as outlined in Yogani’s lessons are, alone, ineffective, since the most “grounding” practice outlined is to abandon spiritual practices altogether and “indulge for the time being in the world around you”, which clearly isn’t enough since, as already outlined, all the Prana flow is happening to me naturally and spontaneously and the Chakras are opening up one after another.
Cardio exercises have been helpful in getting the energy to move around more smoothly and get over “blockages”, but after a cooling off period of 4 months my heart chakra opened up suddenly (this Kundalini ordeal always strikes at times of crises!) and I have grown even more desperate for a more dynamic (and practical) understanding of this whole energy grounding thing and finally what I should expect once all the Chakras have been opened up.
I came across this post-Chakra opening “free energy circulation” concept at some Chinese meditation group, and I’m really finding it interesting.
I trust in the process, I really do, but you can’t expect a man to be in the dark forever (even God eventually reveals himself!). It’s always good to gain a minimum degree of practical (practical, not metaphysical or philosophical) understanding of the process because, as you yourself said, huge differences emerge due to very subtle changes.
Hi Piruz,
The process of kundalini awakening varies from person to person. Some do not go through a kundalini process, some do, and some are born with it already developed to various levels. While some experience intense symptoms, some less, and for others the process goes smoothly. A simple analogy is a garden hose: When you turn the faucet and the water starts to come, any blockage in the hose will be blown away by the water pressure. If the water pressure is too much for the hose, it becomes hard to control and may be damaged. This friction is experienced as discomfort.
As you know, yoga practices are designed to clean our nervous system (nadis and chakras), so the kundalini energy can rise without difficulty on the proper paths. In the process, the entire nervous system and body are transformed, as you write, and they become able to handle more and more energy. You really do not need more energy now. If you think that this is as much as it could go, it is good to keep in mind that the energy is limitless – and pushing through could make things worse.
If you do feel inspired to pray for help, this will help you, but do not ask for what you do not need. Do it with the attitude “May it be Your Will, not mine.” Pray for relief from symptoms, support on the spiritual path, pray for guidance, pray to find out who you are. You will get help, and probably not in the form you expect.
Some of the psychological symptoms you experience, with nightmares and anxiety, suggest the presence of trauma. As Kundalini rises, there is an intense process of restoration and renovation – get out of its way, allow it to happen, support it. There will be a lot of releases and you do not need to get involved in every single one of them. But if you cannot let them go, then look for help from a spiritual guide, a psychologist, a therapist. As we go in, everything reveals to us, all our layers, all our problems and treasures. They all have to be takes in, accepted, healed, and integrated. The more of this work you do now, the less you will have to deal with later.
As about spirituality as a destructive process, maybe a clearing process is a better description. If The Divine, the Absolute, the Infinite is everywhere, this means that surely is here, it is in you, it is you. But is this your experience? Do you see the Divine everywhere? The end game of the spiritual practice does not add something to you, but it “corrects” the fundamental misperception that there are things separate from the Divine. It is like taking the impurities out of the eyes so we could see what is really here!
Hello Blanche
if you want to sugarcoat it and say clearing process that is up to you. Overload and seeing our stories as you may have experienced is not a smooth ride, for years you feel your are torn inside out until things start to get better. Not saying that to cling to a “martyr story” The altar keeps getting emptier until nothing is left on it.There is no beliefs and that includes beliefs of a divine, a me , a soul…these are all functions but they do not exist as an entity. Any entity no matter how subtle , it implies a continuation in time and space so that is no better than the witness, spiritual kinder garden stories
[quote]
corrects the fundamental misperception
[/quote] still implies someone who has a misperception
[quote]
things are not separate from the divine
[/quote] still implies that things and you and them and or the divine etc… exists.
Now i will say a short story so i am not misunderstood and we go into endless discussion , cause frankly in those topics it is better to stay silent. And the story is not sugarcoated so i do not know if you will be offended
A believer visited the Buddha and told him :God exists. The Buddha replied: no
An atheist visited the Buddha and told him: God does not exist. The Buddha replied: no
Students asked the Buddha why he said no to both of them?
The Buddha replied: Ouups , it seems you all believe some sort of non sense
Hello Maheswari,
I am sorry that you have had a difficult time. I am not denying your experience. One of Piruz’s questions was if everyone was going through such a challenging time during the process of spiritual transformation. Someone closed to me has been going through it, and there have been difficult periods. This has not been my experience. Emptying out, coming to term with all the fear, beliefs, attachments, habits has been uncomfortable at times, but the natural reaction was to let go – because there was no other option. The clearing out has happened gradually. However there was a clear moment when everything was gone, the all story. There was an incredible relief, like a weight I did not even know about in my chest was gone. There was outpouring joy and bliss, laughing and crying. And it went on for a long time. It became the new normal, and then the journey has continued.
This emptying out happens every time before a shift in consciousness. It is like the system needs to clear out to get an update. Everything that was known, perceived, believed is reset to zero. One starts again from nothing. It is like dying and being reborn. But why does it have to be a torture? Have we ever had anything? Have we ever controlled anything? Spiritual practices especially meditation and prayer help to clear out the stuff. It has been the experience here that the process moves even faster and easier when one shifts the mental attitude from “this is the Truth“/”I know” to “this is true for me now” to “I do not know.”
Hello Blanche
You missed my point. As i said above there is no martyr nor torture story that is why do not be sorry for me.
I am specifically talking about these things that usually run in spiritual circles like feeling sorry, seeing the divine, the witness, these might be some beginners kit tools , but eventually you go beyond them unless one likes the spiritual comfort zone which is a form of self deception.
Eventually if one is genuine, you cut through all the nonsense and you find aloness standing facing the cliff and you do not blink nor fear nor run back to the known…and then fall into the abyss of your non existence ( no souls and spiritual chit chat , no death and reborn like stories., no torture stories , no letting go stories,nor seer and seen stories , nor someone who has a misperception and will correct it).It is a void yet a a full one.
Cutting through the nonsense is represented by some shocking stories like the one mentioned in my previous post but it did not ring any bell or by some archetypes and icons (like Manjushri’s sword in Buddhist tradition, or Kali chopping heads off in the Hindu tradition) . But these are all pointers, the applying of cutting non sense out is what is beneficial not sugar coated second hand spiritually correct words
I am surprised you never had k symptoms whether physically or emotionally .But i do not know you and everything is possible under the sun. Yet the most advanced people had them like Ramana Adyashanti etc etc …not to mention most advanced people in the forums, some who are still posting and some who left the forums years ago) . Just do not get surprised if more serious stuff appear cause you still tend to believe in things, noble things maybe but still beliefs so no better than not so noble things
I know i have drifted this topic to another place. No more posts for me over here.Thank you all and if not interested in those words that is perfectly fine 
Hello Maheswari,
Who said that there have been no kundalini symptoms? Sure there have been kundalini symptoms here, but nothing like being “torn inside out.” Kundalini symptoms have a range, from little to extreme and everything in between. Overall, this ride has been pretty smooth. Decades of regular practice and inner work have helped. Your perspective is valid from a point in the journey, but that does not invalidate the other perspectives. Words are limiting and they change the reality. Even after one “cuts through all the nonsense”, there is still “alones”, the “cliff”, and the “abyss”. All this sounds pretty dry, isn’t it? Maybe there is something more to be seen there?
It is not useful for people like Piruz to tell them that the spiritual journey is always marked by shocking stories, because it is not. I am not writing from books and stories, I am writing from my experience.
I’m not seeking a spiritual journey without challenges. There will always be challenges and hence rewards. I am only seeking to overcome crippling challenges that put the whole journey at risk. Not all challenges are the same and some are better described as crises.
All this is achievable (not only but especially) when one begins to understand the dynamics of the situation. #1615;Even in faith, the mind upholds its right to some practical understanding. A journey without perspective cannot be what enlightenment is all about. You cannot abandon mind altogether because it’s how you function (unless you have no life outside of yoga) and a rudimentary perspective helps integrate whatever is happening in Kundalini with the rest of your life.
I’m not talking about a complete rationalization of Kundalini/Prana, I’m talking about (and I keep on saying this) a practical understanding. I’m sure everyone agrees but for some reason all here seem to be under the impression that I am stuck in “experiences” or whatsoever.
Hi Piruz
There are over 500 lessons on this website. Many of them are about practices. A lot of the content however is about perspective. If you have read the lessons and not found the practical understanding you are seeking, then I wonder anything any of us might add to this thread will fix that.
Best wishes
Hi Piruz,
Yogani has written many lessons about the practical aspects of the journey. In AYP it is emphasised, that the inner workings happen automatically, “under the hood” and much focus is put on practice and on letting go instead of conceptualizing. I suggest you reread the lessons about kundalini and ida/pingala/shushumna and the nectar cycle. Much is explained there to satisfy curiosity. If you are driven to indulge in “under the hood stuff” further then you can check out http://www.swamij.com/index-yoga-meditation-kundalini.htm. In the end all explanations are just concepts swirling around in your mind and they may not help you in a situation of acute crisis. Remember that reading about spirituality is a spiritual pracice also, which might need to be self paced.
You can also let go of your spiritual desires/cravings in stillness and practise gratitude to gain a new perspective.
Hi Piruz,
Here are some lessons that you may find useful:
54 - Kundalini - A Code Word for Sex
63 - Cool and Warm Currents in Pranayama
64 - The Ecstatic Silver Thread
69 - Kundalini Symptoms, Imbalances and Remedies
83 - There She Goes - Kundalini, that is
94 - Some House Cleaning Tips
113 - Bliss, Ecstasy and Divine Love
125 - Kundalini Heat
135 - Kundalini Currents in Legs and Arms
T13.1 - More Frequent Urination During Kundalini Awakening
169 - Is This Ecstatic Conductivity?
170 - That’s Kundalini?
191 - How to Cultivate Ecstatic Conductivity
199 - Managing the Opening of the Crown
201 - The Drama of a Premature Crown Opening
208 - Inner Energy Collisions and Strong Emotions
216 - Kundalini Jolts and Self-Pacing in Practices
261 - Kundalini Surge
280 - Kundalini Reminders
297 - Is an Awakened Kundalini the Same as Enlightenment?
320 - Kundalini and Refined Sensory Perception
331 - Non-Duality and Ecstatic Kundalini
378 - How Does Pranayama Awaken Kundalini?
381 - Ida, Pingala and Kundalini Awakening
406 - Kundalini Conundrum
407 - Pranayama for Relaxation or for Kundalini Awakening?
409 - Asanas (Postures) and Premature Kundalini Awakening
410 - Early Signs of Kundalini Awakening
422 - Curing Kundalini Excesses
Christi
Yogani has written many lessons about the practical aspects of the journey. In AYP it is emphasised, that the inner workings happen automatically, “under the hood” and much focus is put on practice and on letting go instead of conceptualizing. I suggest you reread the lessons about kundalini and ida/pingala/shushumna and the nectar cycle. Much is explained there to satisfy curiosity. If you are driven to indulge in “under the hood stuff” further then you can check out http://www.swamij.com/index-yoga-meditation-kundalini.htm. In the end all explanations are just concepts swirling around in your mind and they may not help you in a situation of acute crisis. Remember that reading about spirituality is a spiritual pracice also, which might need to be self paced.
You can also let go of your spiritual desires/cravings in stillness and practise gratitude to gain a new perspective.
Of course! How could I have missed this? This is about the most helpful post I've come across in this thread, so guys please forget about everything that was said and let's start anew. Now I remember coming across Jim and His Karma's thread on asymmetrical energy build-up and Kundalini energy gone "wayward" about a year ago when I first experienced this Kundalini curse, but I find it more interesting now than I did back then (not the link you posted but the link in it to which Jim refers people with "wayward" energy problems). Kundalini gone wayward!? So there IS such thing in Kundalini literature after all! There IS a conventionally "safe" and "natural course" for the energy from which it CAN, in some cases (perhaps extreme, like myself) deviate and cause all sorts of asymmetries (left vs right) when the energy "zings randomly through unexpected channels in the body" as Jim puts it. Leaving it all "under the hood" and "just going with the flow" even when the flow is wayward (thanks to wrong practice, habit or whatever reason)? Another discussion between Yogani and Jim to which I can relate. The safe course (taken in spinal breathing) is, as it were, energy moving straight up the spine and down the front, but for some reason I've been feeling the energy go up the front for almost a year now, wrecking havoc on my heart, stomach, and overall frontal part. I've always felt some kind of relief when the energy (somehow) "sneaked" to the back and shot up the spine because it felt like the circuit was finally complete. But I haven't felt that in a while and the energy has been crushing through my heart and lungs for months now. It became so unbearable two days ago after some "grounding" exercises (an hour of power walking. Why does grounding summon more energy sometimes??) that the left frontal part of my body felt so stretched out like it was going to explode (arm and leg included). That's when I decided to lie down on my back, relax, and try to bring the energy to the middle. I practiced spinal breathing and all of a sudden the energy left the frontal region of the body and moved to the spine where I finally got the famous "spinal electric shock" and I was able to get some good sleep that night (actually, it was morning!). It's curious how smooth the shifting of balance went. Am I suffering from habit-reinforced wayward energy channeling? Why is my energy (left to its habitual course) traveling up the front without a grounding channel? I only rarely feel energy "pouring down" the front (it feels somewhat chilly and not so unpleasant when it happens), but always going up the front. Like I said during my initial Prana explosion a year ago there came a period where energy moving up the spine felt natural and didn't have to be induced, but that was a long time ago. I want to practice spinal breathing but if grounding exercises can sometimes stir up more energy than they "ground" then I'm fearful of what might come from spinal breathing which, even though proved useful to me occasionally, is still a spiritual/energy practice so things can easily go dead wrong. Also during spinal breathing the energy unintentionally reaches the crown, something I'm told is a red alert (and I don't want more trouble!). Another point of privilege is this. We're told that Ajna (third eye chakra) is "our friend" and that it's where we want our Prana to go because Ajna is some sort of "regulating force" that will draw any wayward energy back into a healthy pathway. This is stated in the main lessons as well as the thread by Jim. But the very same writer (Jim) has a thread dedicated to frontal blockages whereby the energy is stuck in the head after reaching Ajna. Now if Ajna acts as a regulating force, and it's activation is essential for a healthy pathway, why hasn't it helped Jim? Or is it the case that Ajna simply points the energy to the right direction but has no power over blockages (which need time t unblock)? I feel like I'm finally onto something.