The life as a mirror doesn’t seem all that bad, reflect away! 
I’ll read the whole thread later. Got no advice. I just love you, Sey.
Thank you all 
Sey
Karma… Unfathomable karma
Oft, self dissolve and only clarity of purity remains. Nothing there at all. Then I sit in meditation and I see this tangled mess of darkness and I wonder - what am I looking at? Is that still me? Still so much clearing out of stuff to do? How come one moment I can be pure, the next messed up? Or is it Cosmic karma that I am seeing? That we all have to keep working at?
Any thoughts?
Sey
Cosmic karma… this reminds me of an experience I had in the early days of my awakening. I had just devoured through AYP lessons and my bhakti was at an all time high.
One night, in a dream state, I realized that I am awake. I don’t exactly remember what the dream scenario was, but anyways, I decided to sit down and do spinal breathing. I was almost immediately drawn out of my third eye and suddenly my awareness was roaming in cosmic regions; all the while feeling those ecstatic sensations in my sleeping body.
So yes, I believe the simple practices we do here impact not just the self, but the Self.
Isn’t an open heart receiving everything that is?
I use the AYP heart-breathing practice during some daily moments. Since Love became my Ishtha, this practice feels as a doorway for Healing. Breathing in the Love of the Universe and breathing out, letting go the suffering of all beings…
Lokah, Samastah, Sukhino, Bhavantu
I use the AYP heart-breathing practice during some daily moments. Since Love became my Ishtha, this practice feels as a doorway for Healing. Breathing in the Love of the Universe and breathing out, letting go the suffering of all beings…
Lokah, Samastah, Sukhino, Bhavantu
Thank you for a reminder of this lesson. I've been looking for gentle ways of bringing that quality of ecstatic bliss, that is ever-increasing in practices, to be an abiding part of daily life. Perhaps this, alongside with increased role of service, is just what is needed at the moment. I find that oftentimes, especially when in company of others, third eye begins to vibrate and attention is naturally drawn to the third eye and beyond. This is associated with blissful sensations in various parts(especially frontal) of the brain. Perhaps heart-breathing at such times, would be ideal for the purification of the heart.
Dear all,
I feel loss. It is hard to put into words. I am scattered, thin, practically non-existent. I tell myself I should rally my personality and go out and be useful in the world but to what purpose? I can’t find my Will. I am neither here nor there. Part of me feels I should do something, another part of me (right now the stronger part) ignores this with “it is being done”. Could this be a rarer symptom of overload? My practices are very moderate - once a day, just the basics. Or is it just an in-between phase?
Would appreciate feedback from others who have been there or going through similar. It’s a recurring theme with me but I still feel that way…
Sey
Sey,
I haven’t been there, but you know I love you.
Let’s talk,
Lori
I am trying to get an answer to something far more fundamental here, not really looking for practical advice. You lovely people have given me plenty of those; not your fault if it’s not working. After some private discussions with dear Lalow, I can perhaps better express it.
Will is felt as a contraction of personality that is pushed outwards towards a goal. After years of purification through, little ego-self (personal preferences) has dissolved to a large extent… then you’re what? Candle blowing in the wind? Stillness dancing with no influence or preference? And we should be ok with that?
I find I am not ok with that (yet), but can’t go back… I cannot find something to grasp, to hold on to. It’s no gravity. I understand this is where our journey takes us but there was supposed to be joy and bliss and a natural acceptance of this way of operating.
If others who have gone through this process would be willing to honestly share, it would help. Thank you Charliedog for sharing. I live in nature. “Spending time in nature” is a city thing 
It’s rainy season here and a pair of mating frogs have taken up residence in my garden and keeping me up at night for the past week. They were cute at first, now I am ready to hunt them down.
When do we surrender and when do we proactively engage?
Sey
I just found this in the Gitanjali by Tagore
LET only that little bit left of me whereby I may name thee my all.
Let only that little bit left of my will whereby I may feel thee on every side, and come to
thee in everything, and offer to thee my love every moment.
Let only that little bit left of me whereby I may never hide thee.
Let only that little of my fetters be left whereby I am bound with thy will, and thy purpose
is carried out in my life; and that is the fetter of thy love.
Hi Sey,
All of this is in the realm of Self-inquiry practice. There are no actual answers to your questions, but when inner silence is present, we can begin to discriminate between things and find out what leads to joy and peace.
So, when things arise, we can ask: “Will this lead to greater joy and peace if I act on it, or will it lead to greater joy and peace if I surrender it?”. And we might find that we get it wrong sometimes. In general, actions that have a selfless motive will lead to greater joy and love and actions that have a selfish motive will lead to increased suffering and pain. So, we will naturally want to let go of actions which have a contracted motivation and we will be drawn to actions that have an expansive and selfless motivation.
This naturally spills-over into service to others. So, we begin to ask: “What can I do to help others today?”, or “What actions can I take to make the world a better place?”. It is a natural progression from the cultivation of inner-silence, to Self-inquiry and service to others, to stillness in action, to outpouring Divine love in the world.
So, there is a point in the process of enlightenment where we stop asking: “What can I get from this?” and begin asking: “What more can I do to help others?”. That is the crossing-over that we make.
In terms of the evolution of the mind, the stage where we are asking if an action will be beneficial for ourselves and others or not, is called “discrimination” or Viveka in Sanskrit. In the beginning it can feel quite difficult and cumbersome as we can be constantly questioning everything that arises in the mind. But at some point, this process becomes automatic. As we progressively let go of selfish actions, there is an expansion that takes place in the mind and we begin to automatically choose to act for the benefit of all in every situation. This stage is called “dispassion” or vairagya in Sanskrit. In the stage of vairagya, we are no longer making decisions, but simply acting from a place of stillness and love. An energy is moving through us and causing us to act in the world.
Samyama practice also plays a big part in this whole process, because the practice is about releasing into stillness, which is exactly what begins to happen automatically, as we enter the stage of vairagya. Everything is relased into stillness and those things that will be beneficial for the world become manifest.
The stage beyond vairagya, is unity, or yoga.
You may find these lessons useful:
Lesson 327 - The Evolutionary Stages of Mind
Lesson 120 - “Getting Enlightenment”
Practices for Moving Beyond the Witness Stage
Addition 350.1 - The Witness in Relation to Self-Inquiry
You may also find Yogani’s book on liberation useful.
Christi
the human experience
lets talk of metaphors and rivers and seeds
wear our badges of which we maybe pleased
place ourselves upon a cross
count our blessings or mark our loss
in every which way we turn and see
the light of intellect shows us what to be
candles in the wind without they are still
how remarkable to be human and half way up the hill
it reminds of the grand old duke
evolution creation or maybe a fluke
half way up or all the down
with our tied on millstones watch out you dont drown
you should never ever be content
the will continues its hell bent
on being born on life then death
drawing the human to the ultimate depths
the ocean has tides it ebbs and flows
from the rise of joy to the poets prose
after years of this that do last
its so easy to be forgetful how you felt in the past
lost in space might help to describe
when searching for truth was sure to inbibe
a sense of longing a devotion true
when you knew who was what and what was you
now the dawn has come and the true light appears
it becomes apparent its years upon years
days upon days nights upon nights
the perciever renounces but still delights
is it stillness dancing without music or tune
lifes human experience without gods or boon
maybe we all need to listen the croak of frog
a language in secret to dispel the mental fog
SeySorciere, I am new to this forum and certainly not in a position to share wisdom from this practice. Being in my 50s I definitely get frustrated with myself expecting I should be in a different place emotionally/spiritually than I am. I’m not sure if I believe in multiple incarnations, but if reincarnation is true, it would suggest we all are on this very challenging path of enlightenment. You do bring up a really important point, that is, when you achieve something, like dissolving the ego, does that ultimately lead to peace. People who want to astral project often freak out when they successfully leave their body if they aren’t prepared. In my recent explorations with SBP/DM I am now feeling more ecstatic energy. Yogani talks of it being like a constant orgasm throughout ones body, I find it a bit distracting at times. Your ongoing inquiry is great and I appreciate being able to learn from you as you’ve shared your progress over years. It seems like few people truly reach enlightenment here but I sense many of the regulars on this forum have found a place of deeper peace. Good luck on your journey. I enjoy seeing your posts.
[OM]
Kumar - love the poem.
Sey
kumar is bringing it! Love it!
Hi Sey,
You know what it is happening: It is the place in-between. In my experience, before switching to a new level of consciousness, there is an emptying. Going back to knowing nothing, like a newborn. Everything I thought I knew, my beliefs, my thoughts, my ideas, my attachments had to be left behind. The deepest, most private fears have to be looked straight up, considered, and let go. The things that have been true until now are not true anymore. The “story of I” is just a story, a collection of moments. The “I” is just a made-up concept, socially learned. If I tried to struggle, to question this process, to resist, it became painful. It has been easier and easier to let go of everything, not because “I” know how to surrender, but because there is no alternative.
There has been some discomfort at times – how does one function? how to go on? how to be with others and in the world? Working to be comfortable with discomfort. To be comfortable not know what I am, what this is. Feeling like falling backwards, going on and going on, letting go, relaxing into it because there is no alternative, and then realizing that the backwards fall is just as much a flying up, without limits, without boundaries. There is a great bliss and joy to let go in the heart of holding the world together around an “I.” Bliss and joy to let things be as they are. Bliss and joy to just come to the show of the world without expectations. Bliss and joy to be nothing and become everything.
At some point, the sense of agency is gone. The “I” is not the doer, it has never been. After some time, it becomes obvious that something else is doing it all. It has been doing it all along. “I” does not do anything – nothing is happening. It was helpful during this time to just do what has to be done next, without judgements. Keep up the routine of life. Just be with the flow. Gradually, a strong sense of dharma clarifies and things do get easier.