That is really inspiring, Radharani, especially the part about how nothing sticks to you now. That is great freedom. I know how that feels sometimes…nothing to grab onto, nothing to hold you down…just being in the Oneness and playing my part in the comedic drama. Congratulations at excelling in your job.
I’m really glad it’s going well for you. It’s a valuable form of Karma Yoga that you are doing, and I’m sure you will help many people.
Much love to you Radharani,
Josh
Thanks so much, Bodhi and Josh!! Your encouragement means a lot to me.
Well guess what, a new development: I have FINALLY found a position as a Counselor, without having to pose as Fortune Teller - it is with an online counseling agency based in INDIA! ProvenTherapy.com. I must say I find this extremely amusing, that while our jobs are being outsourced to India, I have Indian friends who want to move to the U.S. for work (?!) and now here I am, as an American, having to go to India to find a job. 
Being in India they don’t care about Florida licensing, they only asked for my degrees and certifications and background. I am not an employee; it is a contract position, and I have not gotten any calls yet. But, they are in the process of optimizing their new website on the search engines and I am optimistic that once this gets sorted out I can do really well on their team. Unlike the psychic lines, which pay a very, very tiny commission, this company will leave me with 75% of my earnings. The boss is extremely nice and has made me feel quite welcome. He also is a Christian (with Franciscan leanings) and a yogi. I’m really excited to have the chance to help people from all over the world! I am still doing the psychic line as well.
Bravo! 
Well, my dears - what a long, strange trip it’s been! This blog post pretty much summarizes what has happened since I first set out to “manifest” my new studio on the beach, and subsequent events since my last post here in August: Dharma, Desire and The Death of a Dream.
Within a year of stating my intent, I managed to “manifest” about 8 new yoga studios on the beach - none of which is mine.
I’ve had to go back to my medical transcription job, along with my psychic and counseling jobs, and I have no time or energy to teach yoga. The good news is, my boss said I can have the Orofacial Surgery and Orthopedic accounts, so I don’t have to do Oncology. I don’t know if she had read any of my rants about how Oncology is a scam from hell, or if she was just sympathetic, knowing what I went through when my stepmother died from chemo last fall, but either way, I was relieved. I mean, sure, I can do all kinds of Jedi mind tricks on myself to be able to do it - like, using it as a meditation on the impermanence of the body, etc. - but I’d rather not have to. Plus, as I said, there are karmic implications to receiving money from involvement in it…
I also decided to go back to school to get certified in medical coding and billing, for which I’m told there is a big demand now with Obamacare being implemented and lots of new people getting insurance, plus we are upgrading our coding system in America and there will be a frantic rush to get everything converted over and they need a lot of people to do it. Learning the coding should be as easy as falling off a log since I’ve been working in medicine for 21 years and already very familiar with most of it - IF I can find time! I signed up over a month ago and I’ve been swamped with work and exhausted, so have not gotten to it yet. But I will.
As discussed in the above blog, I was shocked at first, and then angry, and went through the various stages of mourning when it became clear that not only would I not be able to make a living teaching yoga, and nor could I pay the bills doing anything else that I really enjoy, but also, I would be left with no time or energy to teach yoga! I had tried so many things - personal training, holistic wellness, psychic (reading tarot), counseling, house cleaning, painting and design, teaching horseback riding - all of which fell flat. I really didn’t want to go back into mainstream medicine but I was left with no viable alternative. And guess what, contrary to what some people continue to assert, I am in fact not the one driving this chariot.
And since the only thing I really have any desire to “do” in this world is to teach yoga, I have no particular desire to go on living, and I just look forward to a happy death. Now, I know that sounds morbid but really it is very freeing. There is nothing holding me here.
Of course, this brings up the whole issue of, why must we spend the vast majority of our waking existence slaving away at a job that we don’t enjoy (what Karl Marx called, “the alienation of labor”) merely in order to survive, and to what end?! But that’s kind of a whole 'nother topic, although certainly it is a common condition which I share with 99% of the souls on earth. So like I said, “it was never about me.”
Now, as yogis we know that the point of human incarnation is the opportunity for “enlightenment” or “liberation” or whatever you want to call it, or as I as a bhakti/tantrika like to say, “to know God in this body.” And so it is.
Because that is exactly what I am left with. Since resuming the medical job, while keeping the other 2 (I dropped the cleaning/design job), my health has deteriorated further. I am exhausted and in nearly continual pain. The cool thing about this is, it is incredibly liberating! It is difficult to put into words. It feels as though, as C.S. Lewis says in regard to purgatory, my “rough edges are being worn off.” I feel like I am being totally worn down, or as the apostle Paul said, “I am being poured out like a drink offering.” It has gotten to the point that my life is so impossible that it has become obvious that I am not the doer. There is no way that I could be doing this, working these 3 jobs, and continuing to function. I am a strong person but I’m not that strong, and presently I am quite ill. It is an incredible sense of surrender.
The sense of “translucency” of this self has become more and more apparent. And in the midst of the daily struggle to survive - even though I have no particular desire to survive, but it is simply what we do - the amazing thing is this deep, abiding Silence, this Peace, this ineffable Bliss and Love that is completely unrelated to external events, reminding me more than ever that the Reality is this eternal connection with the Divine which is why I am here. There is nothing else. Fortunately my yoga practice is long established for many, many years, so that even in the midst of illness and exhaustion, when I can’t really “practice” much, it takes over for me. I can meditate in shavasana without falling asleep. Actually I slip into meditation pretty much anytime when I am not doing anything else in particular. This is the benefit of a lifelong daily discipline; in the beginning you do yoga, and then eventually yoga does you.
Anyway - now that I had given up on teaching yoga, and the whole Retreat Center and everything, I recently was contacted by a former yoga student who had moved to another city and her teenage daughter, who was also a student of mine, fell in with a bad crowd, is having a rough time, and needs “residential therapy.” The police said it’s either that, or juvie. Her mom was worried that she might try to run away to Cocoa Beach. I said, “Cocoa Beach? Hell yeah, I’ll run away with her!” I would love to run away and the waves there are perfect. 
This is her last chance and her family has chosen to send her to me! At first I said, “oh, no, I can’t, I’m so overwhelmed already…!” but when I prayed about it, I couldn’t say no. I want to be here for her. So I will soon have a yoga student in residence. Even though I have essentially no “free time,” since she will be living here AND she is on my same schedule (evening shift) we will be able to find time to do yoga when it is convenient for both of us. I am really looking forward to her arrival. She was supposed to come this weekend but with the impending hurricane might be delayed.
It’s all completely crazy but like I said, I am not the one driving this chariot. LOVE to all of you. 
Wow! I’m glad I took the time to read your post as it touched me deeply. Truly inspirational. Thanks for sharing!
very inspiring post my dear…God bless you
Very beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
The sense of “translucency” of this self has become more and more apparent. - I know what you mean here
Love,
Josh
Thanks, friends! I love you guys SO MUCH. I can’t tell you what an incredible blessing it is to have you with me, and your encouragement, and being able to share on a deep level like this with people who truly “get it.” LOVE.
Each person, each “self”, is as translucent as water… Translucent waves on the crystal clear infinite ocean of consciousness.
Love you too Radharani
Best wishes to you
So, here’s the latest. It just keeps getting more and more “interesting.”
Note, the title of this thread is “Making Peace with the Psychic Job” - which I did, and felt quite good about it. Unfortunately, as mentioned above, it didn’t work out financially so I had to go back to the medical transcription job.
As it turns out, I’ve been getting more hours of medical work and with also going back to school for coding & billing certification, I finally had to accept the fact that I don’t have the time/energy to keep up with the Psychic job and online counseling job as well. So, this week I resigned from my Psychic job, as much as I enjoyed it and love my clients. They were very understanding and told me that I am welcome to come back any time, if/when my schedule permits. Now I am down to only 2 jobs, the medical and the counseling (the latter has been slow, which is probably just as well, under the circumstances).
The medical job is quite demanding mentally and energetically, is physically painful and aggravates my illness. It can be very challenging but, as I stated above, this whole situation has been at the same time extremely liberating! I can feel the karma and attachment just burning off and it is a really great opportunity to “be present” and stay centered, conscious that I am not the doer and allowing the activity to flow through me. The other night I was in the middle of typing a long report and the doctor paused for a little while, saying, “um, er… [shuffles papers]…” and in that moment I just enjoyed absolute Silence, instant meditation, which happens whenever my mind is not actively doing anything else. you know that feeling? Like, Here we are. [OM]
Meanwhile, my young residential therapy client arrived on the 12th and she is great! Her mom was one of my best yoga students, before they moved to another city. She was raised agnostic (not atheist - so she has no prejudices either way) and she’s been asking me stuff like, “I want to know about God. Like, is it possible to actually experience the presence of God??” Oh yes, my dear, you’ve come to the right place! She’s a little bit into drugs, although not excessively, and I told her God is WAY better than drugs. She said, “Well, I can see the intense happiness you have, and I want that!” She is excited to learn yoga and meditation. I loaned her my Illuminations from the Bhagavad Gita book with all the pretty pictures and she is eating it up. I also gave her a Sacred Heart of Jesus candle which she has set on her desk. oh, Fun!
We had a discussion about how she just wants to be “free.” I told her I felt exactly the same way when I was her age - wanted to be an adult so I could get a job and be “independent” and not have to listen to my parents. Well, guess what: now at age 50 I can tell you, there is no “freedom” in this world. It only gets worse when you grow up and get a job. BUT, the good news is, although Freedom doesn’t really exist out there, you absolutely CAN have it in here, in your own consciousness - and Yoga is the way!
We haven’t done a whole lot of yoga yet because of my work schedule and also she’s been sleeping a lot, resting and recuperating from trauma, plus I don’t want to push her at all. But she’s definitely interested. It’s been a great blessing having her here and being able to share with her. I’m really thankful how everything is working out.
And now in 2014 I am essentially back at square one, where I was in 2009 when the medical transcription work had become fickle and the pay had dropped to a third of what it was 20 years ago. Thus, I decided to open the yoga studio, believing that it would be a good way to make a living - which it probably would have, had our location been more optimal. After numerous and varied attempts at businesses to which I totally gave my best shot, and all of which fell through, here I am putting my energy into the transcription again and taking on more hours.
I am even going back to doing oncology (which I despise! 
). And that’s ok. It’s a great exercise in balancing compassion and dispassion, holding the patient in my heart while at the same time not allowing myself to get sucked into the negative feelings around mainstream oncology. I’m pretty sure it’s not what I am here on earth to do, and it really doesn’t pay enough, but I’ve completely run out of other options, and I surrender to what is. Meanwhile I continue with the counseling agency and hope that job may eventually become fruitful. I also intend to pursue the medical coding certification which allegedly is in big demand.
So I’m actually living here in this gorgeous, perfect yoga studio (out in the boondocks) but have zero time to teach yoga anymore, even if there were students, which as it happens, there aren’t any, which I suppose is just as well under the circumstances.
Ultimately it’s all just “grist for the mill” as Ram Dass says.
As long as we have yoga, living in the incredible Love and Bliss of God, it really doesn’t make any difference what else happens, right?
Latest update: In October I had quit the psychic job in order to devote more time to the medical transcription, and the online counseling service based in India. But as it turns out, the low-paying medical work has not been steady enough even with the addition of more hours in the oncology department. And the counseling position, which in theory would pay very well, simply hasn’t had enough clients. On the plus side, from a spiritual standpoint it’s nice to see that I can do the oncology and not let it bring me down; it’s a good exercise. But, it doesn’t pay the bills.
So, as of tonight I went back to my psychic job part-time, and I am humbled and overwhelmed with gratitude! I had assumed my clients would have forgotten me, and that I would have to start at the bottom of the list and work my way up all over again. Instead, to my surprise, the company had put me back on the first page, where I was when I left, and I had non-stop calls tonight. My clients were actually waiting in queue to speak to me! I love them and I’ve missed them. They welcomed me back with open arms and said, “where were you?! thank goodness you’re back!” wow. I was really not expecting this.
My concern, of course, when I made the decision to quit the psychic job, was that I would not be able to handle 3 jobs, given my health. But what choice do I have? None of the 3 pays enough to be full-time (a common situation in America these days). I do think, however, if I can manage to keep up with this schedule, between the medical transcription and the psychic and the counseling, I may actually be able to make ends meet! As far as the medical coding certification, unfortunately I have not been able to attend to my studies at all, but remain cautiously optimistic that I will be able to do so in the near future. and if not, “oh well” - I mean, we can only do what we can do, right?
Happily, I had 2 yoga students here over the weekend, my former residential therapy client and her boyfriend, and it went really well and I think they “get it” in a deep way. It was great to be teaching again.
Meanwhile my husband and I have been working on our organic vegetable garden and enjoying our tantric practice on the weekends. We don’t have time during the week due to our conflicting work schedules, so we just do our solitary yoga/meditation Mon-Fri and then we cherish Sat-Sun together. We feel incredibly blessed.
I haven’t had much time to spend on the AYP forum due to work-related stuff, including some exciting new developments, and I’ve had kind of a breakthrough, in part thanks to input from my friends, including some here at AYP.
As mentioned above, the medical transcription job, despite my best efforts and taking on 3 departments and as many hours as possible, was not enough to be full-time, especially at the current low pay rate. I was bemoaning to my friends the fact that this job, which in the 1990s paid about $35/hour fresh out of school, now paid just a little above minimum wage (on a good day). Some of my friends responded, “oh, I know, it’s terrible how wages have fallen, how are people supposed to make a decent living anymore?!” But a few others replied essentially, “Quit your whining, your labor is worth whatever the Market says it’s worth!” I objected, “Well then the Market is wrong! We’re not talking about a ‘do you want fries with that?’ job, where if you mix up the order, someone will be pissed. If the medical record is inaccurate, somebody could die! Part of our job is to catch the doctors’ mistakes. Surely such a job is worth more than minimum wage?!” One of my friends pointed out, “But there are so many people in the field now, the schools have been turning them out like crazy, there are advertisements for it everywhere.” - which turned out to be a VERY useful comment, because when I investigated the medical coding certification for which I was studying, I learned that the same situation is happening there! I had begun the course at my father’s suggestion based on a promotional article (form a coding school!) claiming that you could easily make $40,000. I already had the medical training and it would be a “respectable job.” But, when I subsequently went on some discussion boards among coders, I learned that the pay is much lower, IF you can even find a job, which apparently is tough. And a few of the coders said, “There’s no $$ in coding anymore, I’m going to go into transcription instead.” ?! So I decided to cut my losses there. whew.
Anyway, one of my other friends turned the discussion around and asked, “How much do people pay to talk to you on the psychic line?” I replied, “$5.50 per minute (of which I only make around 40 cents).” She said, “That’s over $300 per hour! So, THAT is your real ‘Market worth.’ You’ve just been focusing on the wrong job! Surely there is a way around the middleman where you could promote your psychic business and make a very good living.”
She was right, of course. And apparently, social conditioning goes deeper than I had realized! As I read over the first entry in this thread, I have to admit that I was still holding onto society’s standards, my dad’s standards, of a “normal” and “respectable” job. I still had not fully allowed myself to think of “psychic” as a Real Job. But when my friend pointed out that $300/hour IS a “Real Job” according to The Market, I couldn’t argue with that. I began looking into higher-paying venues and got a contract with a psychic company that waives their fees (so you get 100% commission) if you bring clients to them. I subsequently added a page to my website with the link to that company, and obtained advertising. That was last week. Tomorrow will be my first day of advertising. I feel really good about this.
Meanwhile, I was contacted by a local magazine that wants to feature my yoga studio and asked me to write an editorial for them! I haven’t really been promoting the yoga anymore as a “business” because there’s no money in it where I live; I only do it because it’s my vocation, but I have to take time off of my other jobs in order to do so. It was nearly impossible to schedule for students with the medical job, but now that I am focusing on the psychic line/s I will have more freedom to schedule classes if and when any more students do show up.
Many thanks to all my friends whose encouragement has helped me in this process!
Wow, Radharani!!
What turnarounds you experience on your journey! This last post seems very positive and I really hope that you’ll be able to do what you love and do something that you feel good with and that also pays.
Much Love and hope you have a good outcome with the psychic business. Please continue updating
Thanks so much, Yonatan!
Today I had my first call on the higher-paying psychic line, went very well, she gave me a 5-star rating and booked another appointment. This client found me through a simple Google search.
Interestingly, I’ve gotten ZERO return on my advertising investments, so decided to drop the paid ads for a while…
The psychic work still does not pay enough to make a living, BUT I really feel GOOD about it and enjoy it so much! (in stark contrast to the medical work). I love my clients and it really doesn’t seem like “work.”
thx again for your encouragement!
That’s really great Radharani, continued growing success
Love
Well, here is my latest update:
The higher-paying psychic line, where I was #1 on their list (!) went belly-up about a month after I signed on. Meanwhile, the other famous-but-low-paying line, where I am on page one, apparently was either sold or farmed-out to another company, and the calls have been getting sparse since then. I’ve had a few clients on my private line but not nearly enough to make a living, and all of my advertising attempts have failed to generate any business. The online counseling service in India that I work for, which had seemed very promising, has also been extremely slow; I’ve only had a few calls in the last 6 months.
As a result, I made the difficult decision to return to medical work - IF I can find anything. I won’t be able to do transcription because my typing skill has deteriorated and they only pay about minimum wage at best these days. I applied for a number of medical editing and writing jobs over the last few days and have not received so much as an acknowledgement that they got my resume’. I have been looking into medical records review jobs, only to discover that 90% of them are now in India (along with many of the transcription jobs since around the year 2000). The 10% that remain here in the U.S. require you to be a nurse (which makes NO sense, for reasons I can explain if anybody is interested).
In desperation, I even looked at jobs here locally although given my health it’s really not a feasible option. I was not able to find anything that I would be qualified to do that paid more than minimum wage.
So, now I am getting ready to put my house on the market again. I had tried selling it a couple of years ago; it was on the market for over a year, without a single offer. At the time I had tenants with a vicious dog, the house was full of fleas and they had painted the walls a horrible dark brown color, making the house extremely unattractive. I have since repainted and it looks gorgeous, although the landscaping is a complete mess so there is lots of work to be done…
If I manage to sell the house I will be able to get out of debt and do the necessary repairs on the aging trailer so I can live there. I don’t mind living in a trailer. I will keep the “dining room” and back half of the “living room” open for my yoga studio. I am only teaching private lessons these days, and that area has more than enough space for me and one or two students to do asana.
If I can’t sell the house… well, I don’t even want to think about that because I have no other options. Everything is totally in God’s hands. From the material standpoint, my life is an abject failure. Although it is a depressing situation, at the same time it is liberating in a strange way. I am not this ego. I am not this body. I “own” nothing because everything belongs to God. If He wants to take it all away, that is up to Him. My yoga practice is very sweet. I wouldn’t trade my inner spiritual life for all the wealth and success in the world.
Blessings to you Radharani! It is like samyama in your every day life! I pray the buyers come in droves, drawn by your sheer spiritual presence!
My home was on the market three years (2008-2011) by three different realtors with over 80 years of experience and without a single offer. I was planning to buy my mother’s home so she could downsize and I was holding her up. I gave myself the summer to sell it myself or back out. By giving my best effort and putting the outcome in God’s hands, the perfect buyers materialized two months later.
Here’s to wishing you the same fate!
Dear Radharani,
Thank you so much for sharing this difficult situation. You are not a failure at all. I don’t know the outcome of divine grace and human frailty (and we all have that), but this must be a gift. Personally, I can relate, as I am facing some potentially serious health issues, poor work performance, and strained friendships. Also, I seem to have a severe lack of perspective on many things.
My only suggestion is to keep moving forward with love in your heart.
Please let me share an annotation that I just read. I’ve had the book for over a year (a gift from my old professor, who translated it), but it alone just fell off the bookshelf today, face up. I read the comment just before finding your post. The book is called, Simone Weil’s The Illiad or the Poem of Force: A Critical Edition. Weil was a French philosopher who wrote during WWII. In 1938, she had a mystical experience, of which she later wrote:
All love to you, and prayers coming your way