It feels sad when I think about tha last 3-4 years when I was drugged with strong psychotropic I didn’t hear language that my body speaks to me with.
Very true. There is so many ways to ground myself that I was ashamed kind of my silly need of buying lots of grounding stones. I still bought some, but I don’t feel that I want them as much as when I was writing last post. They are very useful at night and when there is winter and I can’t enjoy beauty of nature. In Poland winter is very harsh and walking barefoot which I love so much is hard to do. I don’t know if this is kundalini, or not, but I feel forest and nature so differently than “before kundalini”. It is so… alive. I don’t need anything. Just being in the forest and drowning in its presence is all I need when I trully need grounding. I feel so much bliss when I’m in deep forest. It’s like I’m part of it and we are one. I don’t know if I ever felt this in my life, but now I have it everytime I’m there. It is so beautiful and unique feeling of being one with something so perfect like nature.
I didn’t know it. They are exciting kundalini because they make root chakra stronger ( I heard that it is place where kundalini resides ) and then kundalini is stronger because of it? I have no idea.
Journal
I have more itense nights or less.
I feel kundalini 24/7, but in the day it is very, very weak, but when it is time like this… It is now 1:17 AM and I will sleep 4 hours later. It is “kundalini time”.
Today it is weak, but since I posted last I had very, very hard nights.
I always have same symptoms.
Its like my head and veins in it are fulled with liquid, electric fire sensations that hurts, but sometimes pain is just as intense as I can bare it.
I actually feel that there is pattern and I know much more about my kundalini case.
There is all the time this fire in my head and when it burns enough of whatever it is burning I have to “help” my physical body “change”.
It sounds strange.
I need to press with my fingers or something else ( It sounds funny but I use 2 spoons hahah ) particular places in my body. Actually all of them, but especially those places where are my bones, spine and knuckles.
When I do this I have response.
It’s like I have cold-pleasant electric feeling that goes through my spine and there is very often feeling like there is some physical change inside some places in my body. I have no idea how to describe it, but it is very pleasant when feeling it.
I need to this in my face and skull all the time.
Now it is normal activity for me. I watch some movies in the internet while pressing with my spoon some particular places on my skull or face. It looks so very weird, hahahah. But I HAVE TO DO IT. If I don’t I have like very strange fever in my face/head and I feel so dizzy I’m dying and it’s like I’m “addicted” to this activity. I CAN’T STOP. I remember I had this 4 years ago when my kundalini was awoken too.
So I’m sure it’s connected to kundalini.
I don’t know if this is normal part of physical changes? Why I have to “help” my body so it can change? I don’t think it matters, because all I need to know is that I have to do it, or else I will suffer until I will do it.
After I’m done with “helping” my physical body to change I’m sooooooooooooo ungrounded.
Very, very much.
That’s why I need grounding necklaces, stones and bracelets, because It always happens at night, just like now and I’m afraid of going into deep forest right now, because I feel so much and it is kind of scary.
I also started to found balance in my diet. I need to eat very often vegetables like potato. I feel like my body really want something that was growing inside of earth. Peanuts are amazing!!!
There is also another thing.
I started to take very, very light psychotropic pills. I don’t even know if they are psychotropic or antipsychotics. My psychiatrist told me to take them. I don’t feel like I need them, but there are moments when I found them useful. The biggest reason why I take them is my family. I feel everything so intense since I have kundalini and their fear is very bothering me and affecting sometimes even. When I take them they fear is immidiately gone and I feel peace because of it. ( I’m diagnosed with “schizofrenia” and they afraid when I’m not taking any pills…)
I remember those pills.
When I was taking them they were “lasting” for 3 hours. I felt like I’m under negative effect of this chemistry and had headache after them…
But now…
They last like 10-30 minutes and they are completely gone and I don’t feel them.
I kind of like them. I really feel that they can not only help me with fear that my family feels ( biggest reason ) but they really help me to sleep. I really like feeling “slow” in my brain sometimes, because since I have kundalini it is very hard to fall asleep.
I was at first kind of scary that while taking them kundalini will be gone, just like because of those much stronger which I was forced to take, but this one are very, very light. Previous one lasted 24 hours and I was talking one pill and this new lasts 3 hours and I’m taking one pill too just before sleep. ( I don’t count shorter times that I have right now because how different my body works with kundalini ) Do you think they can be dangerous to awaken kundalini?
I want to be artist and start making with this activity. Now I’m getting used to kundalini and all my days are “normal”, because “kundalini time” is always at night. I’m getting used to all this and time of reading books about kundalini is very fast coming. I want to read something about spiritual cases of psychosis connected to kundalini cases, because this topic is very close to me, as I had very intense past with this. If anyone have any info I would be really happy to read:)
Good night!