Thank you Sey and Dogboy. I appreciate your responses and also for normalizing the experience. I was really getting freaked out that I was possessed by some demon but it does make sense that if excess purification is happening in our neurobiology that it can inevitably bump up against darker aspects of self. It makes me think of an adaptive strategy I employed while growing up in my family where it wasn’t really safe to get angry. In order to keep my father’s rage at bay I had to be the “good boy” and keep my own rage well out of reach…
Much obliged!
Hi everyone,
I wanted to write and give an update about my situation and see if anyone had any further suggestions or insight about how long this is going to take. I am still continuing to refrain from any AYP practices due to an intense overload back in July. The only practices I am doing are from a Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) class I am taking. Is this OK to do or could it actually aggravate the problem (things like settling into breath awareness, labeling thoughts, labeling feelings, body scan, etc.)?
I am gathering from previous posts and an email exchange with Christi that I am experiencing a premature opening of the crown and it is the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. Sometimes I even wonder if I’ll be able to survive it. Energy is pushing up into the top of my head at varying rates and intensities. If anyone has any personal experience with this I would appreciate hearing from you about how you got through it and also how long it took. It is frequently hellish. The ugly intrusive thought trains are particularly painful and can make it especially hard to sleep. I am trying to take long walks every day, lift weights, eat heavier foods, refrain from all substances and stimulants (except kombucha and honey), sit with my feet on a grounding mat, work outside, have boundaries with screens to promote sleep, take calming things like GABA, L-theanine, Ashwagandha, etc., drink lots of water… I am considering going on an antidepressant and also something for sleep because my mood is low, anxiety is high and sleep is a crapshoot every night. I have to work with people for my job and this is seriously taking a toll on my ability and confidence to do so.
Is this my permanent hell? I am a highly sensitive person and I think I’m probably too sensitive for these AYP practices. It makes me feel so sad because all I was trying to do was help myself and now I’m in a deep hole. Please let me know if there is any light at the end of this tunnel. Thank you.
Warmly,
Bfoxowl
Hello Bfoxowl
I was very sorry to learn of your problems and am concerned for your well being.
While not as qualified as the previous responders to your calls for help, it seems to me you should temporarily leave off your AYP practices completely and take up some totally absorbing new hobbies for a while (e.g., climbing, table tennis, bridge, chess, carpentry, etc. etc., the list is endless, camping, even getting away from it all to exotic places, all depending on your circumstances, of course) so as to divert your nervous system from its present manifestations, preoccupations and propensities until firmer grounding is achieved. At that stage,you could start your AYP practices again very gently and work up slowly.
As a member of an older generation, I firmly hold to the view that all things are transient, but that one has to seek help at times, professional (medical, psychological, physical) when needed, and also to help oneself where one can. The well-known prayer is relevant: Lord,grant me the courage to change what I can change, the serenity to accept what I cannot change, and the wisdom to know the difference.
I join with everyone else in hoping to have news of better times soon.
Warmest wishes,
Walter.
Hi Bfoxowl,
Sorry to hear that you are still having difficulties. When kundalini is active and we are experiencing symptoms of energetic overload, any spiritual practices can aggravate the situation. This would include mindfulness of the breath, labelling thoughts and feelings, and body scanning techniques. So, it is best to avoid these things until things settle down for you.
As for how long it will take, that is an impossible question to answer. It does sound as if you may have damaged your subtle nervous system through drug taking. This can leave people in a vulnerable position, and it is impossible to know what kind of effect that had.
In your situation I would spend a lot of time walking every day, possibly two hours or more. I would avoid all spiritual practices, including mindfulness practices. I would avoid all drugs including alcohol, tobacco and weed. And I would avoid strict celibacy. I would also eat heavier foods for a while, such as pasta, potatoes and rice, as well as nutritious foods such as vegetables, fruits and salads.
Christi
Hi Bfoxowl,
Congratulations! You are in a process of transforming into a butterfly! 
Just joking, but the transformation is real. It takes time, depending on the state of your subtle body and karma. This process can be postponed, but ultimately it cannot be avoided. The more we allow it, accept it, and support it, the easier it gets.
Living a Sattvic pure life becomes now very important. Besides what Christi mentioned. make sure you get plenty of rest. Try to reduce stress and overwork - some people change jobs, and almost everybody simplifies their life to allow time and energy for this important transformation.
Other things to consider:
- Respect the yamas and niyamas (code of ethics).
- Honor the body.
- Surround yourself with loving people who support you and your spiritual life.
- Take care of yourself.
- Be true to yourself - your Higher Self.
- Be gentle with yourself.
- Breathe deeply, slowly, diaphragmatically.
- Pray for help and guidance if you feel inclined to do this.
- Adapt to your changing life.
Practice reaps benefit
When pursued for a long time
Without interruption and
With a positive attitude.
Yoga Sutra, I 14
This process of spiritual transformation is a great blessing.
Taking care of yourself, accepting and supporting the process of transformation is now your main practice.
The guru is in you.