The part that gives you a smile is just the right amount of getting. 
In normal parlance, some of what I described would be categorized more as passion than devotion. The broadening of the definition is needed if we try to explain terrorism with devotion.
Usually what we call devotion has a very sensitive fragrance to it. Yet, the refined sensitivity quality also has power to move mountains.
Hi Karen,
You do not have to work on sexual desire to raise kundalini in my experience. It’s possible to meditate and do pranayama and raise kundalini without focusing on sex. It can feel sexual when it starts to happen, but focusing on sexual desire is not a prerequisite. If it’s causing you to ruminate in the past, I’d suggest dropping it.
My response seems different from the others, so I may be interpreting it differently. Best of luck to you.
Hi Karenvic,
You have already received great advice from everyone. Why are you focusing on an individual who has already moved on with their life? By doing so, you are perpetuating your attachment towards her. How about a word like “Love” or even a pet as your Ista? Yes, kundalini has a sexual component to it. But devotion can be towards anything like Yogani mentions.
If you cannot connect to an Istha. How about showing devotion to your parents for taking care of you and raising you? When you have thoughts about her let it rise to awareness. I believe just focusing on the sexual aspect of spirituality may only take someone so far. How about engaging in selfless service?
I’m sure you have read about forcing kundalini to rise prematurely.
Are you practicing AYP? AYP does not advise on forcing K to rise. It emphasis a balance approach in all aspects of our life to reach spiritual maturity.
Sunyata
Yet another possibility not yet mentioned here is one that’s in between the personal and impersonal Ishta:
Rather than choosing one specific entity/person/goddess/god, one could choose the qualities of any of these. Usually our attraction to a person is an attraction to qualities they possess, for instance strength, a loving heart, beauty, intelligence, radiance, wisdom, prosperity etc.
The advantage of choosing qualities rather than a specific individual is that the attachment to the specific individual falls, so that there would be no issue of freewill if the chosen individual prefers not to be at the center of devotion.
If one is inclined to be devoted to a specific person, there are plenty who will be a happy recipient. The famous ones are least likely to change their mind with respect to their willingness to be at the center of your devotion
This has turned into a very important discussion. Kundalini comprehension hinges on the keynotes brought out here. My understanding is just that, my take on it, based on only one person’s perspective.
The beginning stages of k awakening were excruciating. The sexual ecstasy was way way too intense and was there all the time. It prevented restful sleep for being constantly awakened by this sexual desire. And I came to truly despise it. My everpresent prayer to the divine was to give me relief from it. Or at the very least to know what was happening to me. It was unclear that it was kundalini awakening and so confusion persisted in the midst of extreme discomfort. When this website was finally discovered, the emergency phase had been muddled through without really having a clue what was going on. But intuition informed that it was something great, a divine gift of sorts, perhaps a spiritual test and it behooved me to find resolution, no matter how that resolution manifested itself.
Being celibate, there seemed little choice but to fantasize, although at one point I certainly would have welcomed a partner. For many years prior to the awakening, sex drive had been little or none. So when this potent intensification arose quite suddenly, it blew me away. I couldn’t fathom what was happening with my body. Online research yielded but greater confusion because misinformation is prevalent. I was completely on my own, being as resourceful as possible. And the fantasies helped immensely. I could feel the kundalini rise, occasionally it arose to the higher centers where relief was frequently available.
It wasn’t until the energy arose to the solar plexus, and more or less remained at that level, that there was relief from the constant sexual arousal. That was when I began to feel that surviving this transformation, whatever it was, could be possible.
So here is what I want to say and it will perhaps seem extreme to many of you: However it can be managed, short of bothering other people, in your imagination do whatever you can to raise this energy up. Yes, if you have sensible practices to rely upon, that is obviously the best. And if you have a willing partner, that is indeed helpful. Otherwise, use your imagination to provide relief. And self pleasure. This is a phase that will pass, but until it does, it can be unbearable excruciating discomfort. I honestly feel that it could have driven me crazy, if the fantasies had not been employed.
Kundalini is life force. And life force is creative. At the lowest chakras this life force is almost completely self-serving as the will to preserve one’s individual existence and the indulging of pleasure. Once the energy begins moving, the intensification is what enables it to rise. So it must intensify to build up the power to resist gravity and/or bulldoze through obstructions. This intensification can be extremely brutal if the energy is fundamentally trapped or blocked, which is a very common experience at the onset of k awakening. If fantasies relieve that distress and pressure, and there are no other options available, then they should be employed to assist in this transformation. Particularly at the human level, all life energy is sexual in its raw untransformed state. Once this is very deeply realized, then the energy will rise of its own accord. But not until. And the realization must go beyond mental comprehension into beingness. One must truly BE the energy which one has felt to be problematic. One must join WITH it, as opposed to feeling that it is an unpleasant and unwelcome intrusion into one’s previously peaceful life.
Ishtas are primarily irrelevant for some of us, until the k energy begins to reside in the higher chakras, heart level and above. From a common sense perspective, there is no need to turn fantasies about one’s human sexual partner (actual or fantasy) into the Ishta, as a form of the divine. But honestly I don’t see the harm in it. This too shall pass. It does seem imperative to me that one understands the distinction between the human and the divine. But that’s just me. Later on, the Ishta may become available as a very uplifting sexual partner, a conduit to divine awareness. The greatest damage we can inflict upon ourselves in the spontaneous k awakening is to be in denial, refusing to accept the process. Or to stubbornly cling to an idea which is nonsensical. Refraining from employing fantasies is, to me, counter intuitive and against common sense. Later on, as the energy rises, turning to the Ishta will be obvious and natural. But in the beginning, one is suffering from a deluge of sensual longings which often don’t feel spiritual at all, at least not enough to invoke the Ishta.
love
parvati
Thank you for sharing this Parvati,
Your path shows many similarities with mine.
I agree with you in all of this.
It was only to see clearly when looking back, very confusing it was for me. Especially in the beginning fase, when I didn’t had any idea what was happening with me. 
Thank you for the contributions to this topic. In my experience, things do not happen randomly in life. KarenVic, this woman is keeping a hold on you for some reason. You have to find out why. The fact that she is married, thus unavailable, makes me think that this is not to become a sexual relationship. You could choose to ignore her, but if you engage with the situation, emotionally and mentally, you will get a spiritual bust. You will know that you got “the message,” because the issue will disolve - the hold will disappear.
In my experience, the people we love are 'transparent" for us - we clearly see the Divine in them. One glance of the Divine drives us crazy for It. It is not a person we love - it is the Divine. Recognizing the Divine in one person is the beginning of seeing the Divine in other people- and everywhere else, because all there is is the Divine.
You might like to look up lesson 110, in which Yogani writes:
If your love is unrequited, then let it redirect through bhakti, expand, and flow out to those in need around you. Expanding love knows no boundaries and expects nothing in return.
Best wishes for your path!
Blanche, thank you for your note, sorry its taken so long to respond. I appreciate your insight and non judgement. Lately I have been doing A Course in Miracles along with Yoga. In ACIM it states clearly that a special love relationship hides within it a special hate. I had to acknowledge how angry I was that she would not come out and be with me. I realize too that this is the path she had to take, given her upbringing and I can not judge her. I had to let the pain come and cry a great deal, at the love I hold and the anger. Now I see it just is and she is where she needs to be. I have to let it go or stay in pain, stuck in a dead past. I have been resisting letting her go all these years. I want her to be happy though and myself as well. So now its let go let God.
An Ishta is an ideal not a desired love, I have reevaluated and made an Jesus my Ishta, the way he meant us to love him, not worship.
Thank you for your kindness. love and light K
Hi Jonesboy
This really helped, thank you, because that is the crux of the whole thing. Its the path. I am so grateful to you for this insight. Its not a bad thing and in fact its digging up the weeds that makes the garden grown.
Blessing to you in light and love, K
OmStat
Thank you this is excellent advice and I had not thought of that at all. Devotion to truth, I can live with that. I realize now that I was just falling back into illusion and maya.
Light and love to you
K
Hello Ialow33
Excellent advice, I have to say that these images were coming up during the most unlikely times, Basti and such. But also during the tantric practice of pre orgasmic stimulation as suggested in the AYP materials. I thought that I needed a focus in my mind and it was her. But I will expand and just feel the energy instead.
all the best to you, light and love
K
Hi Karen, I just read this thread and see your original post was a few years ago so I’m not sure how relevant my feedback will be as your circumstances may have changed but I’ll weigh in…
You mentioned you are celibate…just to clarify did you make a celibacy vow with any and all people or is this a choice to be celibate with the exception of this woman you love? To be honest, celibacy is not my path and expertise but I would ask that you may examine if celibacy is a commitment coming from your heart or is it a "should- do- to-reach -enlightenment-type thing? When something resonates as a yes for me it resonates with every fiber of my being. So if the answer is yes celibacy then I agree that this love must not be resisted (that’s impossible anyway!) but be used to be transmuted spiritually- Transmuting the love into action in the world. Pour all the love, pain, anger into action- create a large project in your community that matches the tsunami of these emotions, write poetry, find expression for it all in a positive way… Thank God for the blessing (or curse!) of it all and let it unravel all that needs to be unraveled in you. 
On another note, if partnering with this woman is something that really resonates with every fiber of your being (if she were available) then I think it boils down to choice and action. Have you assumed this woman doesn’t share these feelings because she’s married? Have your shared your truth with her? This is a delicate and debatable situation. Some would hold the idea of don’t interfere and others say do. (Checking Akashic records and soul contacts between souls can give you clarity as to how to proceed as well). I believe that if someone can knock on your door, confess their feelings and the marriage unravels then it is meant to. On the other hand, I had a situation where my husband’s friend told me outright that he had romantic feelings for me. I do not share the same feelings for this man and I politely declined him and was upfront with my husband, and it made no impact on our marriage. I’m also not sure how much of a lure you would be as a celibate woman for this woman to step out of a cushy marriage? Perhaps she sees you as unattainable? Who knows.The bottom line is I think there needs to be honest communication and a willingness to accept whatever truth arises.
I cannot speak on the value of celibacy for spiritual growth but I can say that I believe that humans who desire and choose to be together reap the joy of celebrating together the divine love seen in each other’s eyes. Aka. divine- love- making. Otherwise why are we here on Earth if not to give and share our love with others.
Sending you light Karen! Hope my two cents helps…