Wow that’s heavy stuff balance.
Actually some of it is partially true sometimes, and I think mentally ill people often just become very sensitive.
For instance, we do broadcast our feelings, not so much thoughts. It is normal and good for people to read your feelings, and psychic people can sometimes read your thoughts too. I’ve known some to say you have to give permission.
Gumpi you say you don’t believe in enlightenment but have experienced something wonderful that seems like it to you. I think that is what enlightenment is about. Of course you can’t believe it is one, static, state that ends it all. Enlightenment is a misnomer, some people call it “enlightening” or “the path of enlightenment”.
What it is about is the kind of thing you have experienced. And there is more, each time changing everything. The funny thing is they are different for everyone, so you can’t say “If you haven’t experienced this one thing, then i am ahead of you.”
Each person unravels differently, but it’s a great path!
Yes, crazy stuff, huh? The hardest thing for the individual life experience is that I never got it together. I now find myself middle-aged, raising my youngest kid and have no career besides semi-skilled labor to fall back on. And that’s just part of it. It was really difficult to just be in the world, but I was here enough to fake it so to speak and bungle my way through. Anyway, it’s all a dream. What’s appearing here and now is all that there is and that is absolute impermanence. There is nothing to hang on to. As for understanding truth of being there is growing realization.
What you say about feelings is true. My experience with all of that was actually one of great sensitivity. All is energy, and I was aware energetically that energy is a real exchange. So it was probably just a misunderstanding where I believed the thought energy patterns were exposed and read as words. Or something like that perhaps.
Just thought my experience fit in this thread. Thanks Gumpi.
I would be quite easy to think so.
Your thoughts create feelings. Feelings are easily read.
It’s a good thing though. I grew up thinking I should hide my feelings. now I believe just the opposite. This is so much easier, and people like you, and you can communicate with them.
I grew up with many misconceptions about life that made it hard for me to cope with society. Those are straightened out now, but like you, I didn’t live a normal life because of that.
But all of that turned me into a unique person, and i may not have been on this path of meditation had it not been for all my problems. So I can’t say it was a bad thing.
Yes, I did a lot of faking it and bungling like you. I was lucky enough to develop a good career though, but without a wife or kids.
Part of my difficulty was passed on by parents who undoubtedly were passing on what they received. But part of it was a sensitivity and honesty that was inherent in me and I didn’t understand people who were insensitive and dishonest. Now maturity has taught me that dishonesty and insensitivity are often acting tools that are valuable for communication. They allow us to deal with people of radically different cultures, upbringing, and morals. You have to talk differently to a street criminal than you would to a saint.
Our karmic path is not always easy to deal with. We all have our difficulties.
hi Balance,
what you describe is identical in every respect to what happened to me.
When you say it doesn’t get translated into “words” i think what you mean is that you ignore the delusions or hallcinations because you have realised that you are actually only you in your head and not outside it.
This is tricky though, because feeling your consciousness a part of the entire universe is probably a spiritual thing and not mentally ill at all, it is just that the ego is interfering maybe with fear, and perception is incorrect somehow. Indeed, it is a spiritual feeling to feel oneness with everything. It is easy to see how this can be interpreted in the wrong way, especially by the rational mind.
I do actually believe that thoughts or consciousness is independent from the body and brain and so something like telepathy is occurring all the time. It might be largely unconscious data processing as opposed to conscious telepathy, but i still find the old model of everything vibrating as energy a plausible explanation for how thoughts can penetrate matter. Even psychologists now are finding that the unconscious mind seems to know things in advance of the things appearing in consciousness or subconscious intuitive processing, not to speak of the potentials this has for psychic intuition as a theory.
So, that is the englihtened side of it. The sad side is mixing that feeling of oneness with the conscious personality as if your own ego is special and takes the place of God. Some things jolt you out of this kind of lazy complacent thought, at least they did for me - for example, in the Bhagavad Gita Krishna speaking on behalf of Godhead says that he remembers everything ever, while Arjuna, who is human, doesn’t. Hence since my ego was created outside of my developed intellect an mind at a time beforehand when “i” wasn’t even there and don’t remember it, it is a safe bet to conclude that “i” cannot possibly be God.
I really feel this is an important issue because it demonstrates the trap people fall into when they confuse their personality with God. On the one hand, it is a spiritual experience, and on the other hand it is a mental illness. They say the atman is of the same spiritual essence as spirit and hence there is no difference between them, but this idea is patently false when you look around the world, when you see other people. Duality and infinity - never the twain shall they meet, no matter how much you believe either YOU are God or some other GURU is.
Gumpi, I’m concerned about you. I know how hard it is to deal with mental health and the metaphysical. Forget about all this consciousness/enlightenment stuff and make efforts toward your stability and well-being. It is more than enough to keep a general sense of love for all beings and delight in the well-being of others. The simple practice of love yourself and others equally is the basic main practice of every religion.
Hi Gumpi
I figure everything is spiritual. In my estimation how could everything not be a spiritual experience. But I tend to not separate things.
Labels of insanity and etc. are convenient boxes for society to put things comfortably in their place. I guess the labels are good when it comes to prescribing medicine and therapy and placing an individual in a program that is meant to help.
I think I’ve read that some shamanistic cultures viewed tendencies of schizophrenia as a sign of a potential shaman. There seems to be a sensitivity and ability to see beyond the norm. Maybe our modern society doesn’t have much use for those kinds of perceptions.
My schizophrenic division within may have had something to do with experiencing oneness with all and at the same time growing up in a world that requires an ego identification (self-perception based on thoughts/beliefs) to be built in order to interact with other ego identifications. In my view our society values more the individual, divided or separated self, living privately in a body with a personality amongst other separate persons. This view does seem to be favored as is evident all around us. Anything is measured to fit into this ‘normal’ box and weighed and judged according to that box and valued as acceptable within those ‘healthy’ parameters, or it is deemed broken or disfunctional. Who knows what valuable contributions may be overlooked in the life experience of a schizophrenic with this current way of thinking? Maybe conditions like schizophrenia will be looked at and dealt with differently in the not so distant future. If I would have been able to share openly when I was going through these things without fear of being labeled or shunned (more than I already was because of my obvious quirkiness) then I may have bypassed much suffering. On the other hand, if I opened up anyway I might have gotten some social support instead of wallowing through misery and dead end jobs, depression and drug abuse. But that is that and I am here now. In fact there never is not being here now, just overlays of confusion I think.
My experience is now much different. I no longer think I am the sole potential savior of the world, or the one and only antichrist. Seeing through that after many years of misery is a blessing.
Everything and everyone is the manifestation of the absolute. And even the confusion apparently is a manifestation of God. I can’t see it any other way.
O.K., I think I’m done editing the silly thing! 
I am soooo going to remember this and mention it to people who want to go have readings. 3000 pounds and not one bi of info that are anything other than basic guess work and loose talk. HAHA.
Congratulations on getting out of your schizophrenia. Well done. Since you have had such a difficult mental problem there are a couple of things I would suggest to add in addition to ayp because they are very good for mental stability and health. The six healing sounds and the inner smile both have profound psychologicly balancing and strenghtening effects. I highly recomend you do them. A few ayp people do them in addition to ayp.
Oh and I realy think grounding is essential for you. There is always the risk of too much energy going to the head when one meditates and that can be very mentaly destabilizing. Bringing the energy down usualy solves the issues. Yogani does tai chi on the side, it is very graounding. Doing the qigong posture embracing the tree and visualizing roots down into the earth also helps a lot.
Hey there
same happened to me when i received shaktipat, many years ago!! o thought , radio and tv were sendimg me messagees subliminal, that people could read my thoughts,i was totally paranoid and schtisophrenic, i started chanting om namah shivayah, 24/7 hhe it was my las hope, i thought about suicide but … anyway 6 months after that my kundaliny just exploted, i was in samadhi for the next 3 moths hhee could not come down!!! my mental illness was gone, it has now been more than 28 years… and like paul simon said “still crazy after all these years” but in a good way now
peace enjoy, and meditate love seeker
Good one Kingseeker,
Yes, crazy is not always bad. It is common for most people to think mentally ill people have something bad and wrong with them, and “normal” people are good. But that is not the case at all.
Everyone has something about them that would be called crazy if people knew about it. But they usually hide it, and they can interact with other people just fine. Some people don’t hide their crazy parts, and they become famous and are known as “artistic” or “creative”.
It is only when people have trouble living a normal life that they are truly mentally ill. And often those people just need help from others in certain areas to live a normal life.
Hi there.
I’ve also been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
At first I only had those thought broadcasting eppisodes and only when I smoked pot, later about a year or so after I stopped smoking pot, I started having major delusions, JUST like the ones described by Balance.
I’ve been medicated for 4 years now, and i’m doing fine. The only symptom/side-effect I have now is lazyness. But that is a major theme in my life, so…
I was wondering, what did you guys do to improve your condition?
did you take meds?
Did you change something about your lives?
Hi Flip, I didn’t and don’t have schizophrenia, but I have something which resembles OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) but just with the thoughts not behaviour, where intruding thoughts and images and scenes come into my mind sometimes like out of nowhere and create a lot of fear (maybe it might be close to the thoughts of scizophrenia…) Well What I did for a long time was try to replace these thoughts with what I thought were loving thoughts and images… It did not help, what that did was to create more conditioning and fear of this condition. What DID and DOES help was/is to do meditation and yoga daily, so that slowly love and acceptance is rising. Is helps a lot, Love and Acceptance is the key to all mind problems. Loving Acceptance.
I like THAT…
Thanks Yonatan!
Thx Yonatan.
Although I think schizophrenia and OCD are pretty different, in expression. My personal beliefs about this say the same thing… Loving acceptance.
I believe for a long time that yoga and meditation can help me a lot, and that once I accept the less pleasant colors of myself, I will be free from this condition.
I’ve read somewhere, from a psychiatrist, that these diseases have as a nuclei a lack of self-worth, so it makes perfect sense what you say.
Anyhow, it’s not about getting rid of what you can’t, it’s about learning to live happily with it.
I think we’re all mildly scizophrenic.
Perhaps R.D.Laing 1, 2(anti-psychiatrist) may have said something similar along those lines.Though he may have questioned whether it even existed beyond being a label devised by oppressive societal institutions (intended to curtail the liberties & freedom of those individuals deemed ,by the powers that be,as misfits of one kind or another)
Haha!
Yes, it’s called ego 
Haha!
Yes, it’s called ego
Okay,clearly "scizophrenics" don't have more/bigger ego(s) than non-scizophrenics, that is if we take these terms to share some common ground..Then perhaps it's just that "scizoprhenics", perhaps they are just more aware of their ego/egos,than say the average person....:') :sunglasses: