As I said, the breezes are sweet. The tornado is not. It’s a matter of staying conscious of this process, because the former can be controlled by a disciplined reigning in of the mind’s coarse excesses, whereas nothing in the universe can stop a tornado.
As with AYP, depression is a lot less scary and wobbly and ambiguous when you understand the simplicity of its underpinnings. As with AYP, the side trips (or “experiences”) can take you far, far adrift.
Shanti - I think the most obvious answer (indeed, maybe too obvious) is the duration of the depression. Not being a chronic depressive, I’m not familiar with the quality of that kind of depression vs. a mood swing, but my guess is that a true depression is darker and located more deeply in the body than a simple bad mood, which is located more toward the surface. Maybe someone who has experience with both will correct me.
I was rather depressed last week, for no apparent reason at the time. I decided to hole myself away for the weekend in silence to try to grasp the cause, thinking that the isolation was what was needed to pull me out of it. (That’s always worked in the past). Turns out that was the LAST thing I needed. What I came away with from the weekend is that I"m spending far too much time alone, and I need to connect with friends more often. This is a huge shift for me - I’ve never been terribly social - and I’m thinking now that meditation has altered this aspect of my personality.
I"m wondering if some people get depressed b’c their behavioural patterns have altered without their knowledge. If, for example, a person has always tended to fill up her free time visiting with friends, she may at some point need more time alone, but she doesn’t necessarily KNOW this; it hasn’t yet come to consciousness. She continues to socialize and so on, but becomes increasingly depressed, as this behaviour really no longer suits her. It seems to her that life has become meaningless and her relationships are all dull, when in fact the problem is in the fact that she hasn’t yet realized her need for solitude. By the time this realization occurs to her, the depression may have sunk to a depth that isn’t so easily extricated.
Just some thoughts. I’m quite surprised to find this new, social aspect of myself. So are my friends, all of whom I shall see this week. 
BTW, I spent a lot of time last week doing the chest opening exercise that everyone’s been lauding - the backward-bend-over-a-brick asana. Took me a while to work through the nausea, but once I did, I was able to stay there for a long time, even to fall asleep. It’s an awesome heart opener, and I’m grateful to whomever brought it to the forum.
I wonder if there was something in the air last week… went through 5 days of depression and migraine myself… better today… though not a 100% yet… I can still smell the sweet breeze…
I think you have got that right. My social life is busy… and I guess my behavioral pattern has changed… I don’t like being with too many people… I cannot stand the noise… the mindless chatter… I want to be alone… wont happen in a while though… so I may need a glass of grape juice, the fermented kind, to get me through the evening… that always helps 
That’s a sign of overdoing in meditation, and it’s a situation at odds with the goal of AYP, which is about smooth engagement with the world, not retreat from it. See my posting in this thread for more:
http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=661
Don’t be TOO worried about it…could just be a stage. but if, over time, the irritation and anti-social feelings increase, I’d cut back meditation time very slightly (especially if you’ve snuck over 20 mins!).
Meg, with the chest opener, remember to move the block a few inches up and down. You hit other blocks. For the nausea, I think that’s just from disorientation of your head being upside down. Try going in and out of it veeery slowly, it will help.
More nuances to try:
remember to loosen all tension in the shoulders. Trust! In fact, loosen everything, letting the flesh, the meat, of your body drape down on the sides. but keep, at center body (longitudinally), the spine arch itself graceful and valiant - work on making no part of it unconscious. And don’t let your legs flop; keep feet together and flexed perpendicular to the ground, flex kneecaps, and rotate legs inward from the hips. Be symmetrical. Symmetry in and of itself helps depression. Strip stuff down.
For more info, see an Iyengar style teacher.
Thanks for the fine tuning, Jim.
Interestingly, I believe that it’s meditation that has softened my edges, and made me want to be with people more. In a word, there’s just more of me to give. Never thought I’d see the day when I’d crave company, as I do today.
Shanti - we seem to be coming from 2 extremes, but arriving at the same place of balance. You seem to be very social, but are finding that you need more solitude than you used to. I’ve always been a loner, but am finding that I need more social involvement than I realized. Funny how this work can bring out the best in us, and help us find a comfortable balance in our lives.
Everyone should keep in mind that a person can easily over-do asanas as well as meditation, both can require self-pacing. I have learned (and relearned) this many times the hard way! 
If suddenly you are all using a block for chest opening and do it all the time, it feels good at first but as they say what goes up must come down.
Bottom line, asanas and meditation/ pranayama etc. release stored energy and can easily add up to too much release too quickly. Remember to self-pace.
I found a decent summary of a point I was previously trying to make, that periods of depression can sometimes be a known side effect of spiritual progress, and I don’t mean problems of “pacing,” but more the experience of “you can’t go home again,” while the destinations are still out of sight.
This is by Willigis Jager, a German Benedictine who teaches Zen and Christain contemplation, and was the teacher of a priest I’ve done Zen sittings with. Despite the title that still makes me chuckle as a Monty Python fan (Search for the Meaning of Life) it’s an interesting book.
Jager talks about two kinds of depression, the “ordinary” kind where the ego is frustrated, and another kind, where the ego is threatened by spiritual practice, and fights back:
Meg, just thought of something so I am going to run it by you… not sure if my last 5 days of down in the dumps was because, a lot of stuff got dislodged at once with this back bend… ummm… keep an eye on things how they go… I was enjoying it too so I stayed there a long time too… Maybe it had nothing to do with this… just be careful.
PS: I did not see Anthem’s post… he confirms my suspicions…“If suddenly you are all using a block for chest opening and do it all the time, it feels good at first but as they say what goes up must come down.”
Ranger, I’m very grateful for this post, this has been my experience.
I have no time to say anything further but thouoght it important to acknowledge it.
Louis
Thank you Ranger. This is the exact thing I am facing right now… the confusion that I have been talking about… a part of me has moved way ahead (spiritual part) and a part of me does not want to move and is pulling me back(the ego)… Anthem, once more someone addresses the exact same thing I need some input on…“Serendipity I guess!”
I almost let my ego win… but the spiritual pull is too strong.
Thanks for that, Shanti. I’ll monitor my moods. (I think mine is better labelled a mood than a depression). I’m not doing the asana in question as much or for as long, now that the mood has passed. I’ve a little more perspective on last week’s mood now, and I see that there was a pattern of behaviour (or two) that were no longer serving me, and that in fact were obstructing my view. Just some residual ego-garbage for which I had absolutely no use. It’s not a done deal, meaning that the pattern of behaviour is still functioning, and will take some time to dislodge it. But now I see it in its full glory, and have the insight to make the necessary adjustments in my behaviour to dismember it. Cool, huh? I’m grateful for the crappy mood.
Meg, this morning I thought of the same thing… these crappy moods come and really get me so exhausted… and then they lift and with it goes a part of me I did not know I had… sometimes I don’t even know if something left… but I definitely feel lighter… I guess going forward I will not let them bother me as much… easy to say when I am out of it right?? Yep, “I’m grateful for the crappy mood” too.
To pull this into the realm of my own experience; last summer I had a long chunk of time off from work, and some things came together and I got started on a creative project that’s been simmering on the back burner for several decades. The release of creative energy combined with the energy already moving from the AYP practices has a lot of positive aspects and some that are hard to handle.
One of the hard-to-handle things is that since about Nov-Dec, I’ve found it increasingly hard to participate in any of the spiritual communities where I’ve found nourishment in the past. On occasion I’ve done retreats with both Zen and Christian meditation groups, and I’ve fairly regularily attended an extremely liberal Episcopal church, but now it seems like my (evolving) aspirations and beliefs are outside even these open places. Like now I find much of the liturgy just too annoying to take; the Old Testament, and Paul and the Nicene Creed are like nails on a chalkboard.
So what? Well, I have friends there and such separations aren’t easy. And over almost 30 years of marriage my wife and I have always shared at least some spiritual practices, and I’m not happy about letting that go. And also, I think it’s wise for anyone seriously involved in contemplative practice to have some kind of “sangha.” Finally, I guess some inner child part of me still hears my departed, bible thumping grandmother letting me know I’m on a highway to hell.
I was talking about this in February with a Zen-teaching priest freind, who more or less shrugged and said “So what? Liturgys and creeds are just words. Your real task is to figure out who is bothered by the words?” Maybe so. Haven’t done it yet.
Ranger… this too will pass and you will find a way to enjoy these “spiritual communities”… there may not be the same kind of attraction there was before… but there will be a different kind of joy in it… Something you will feel deep inside you… Like Yogani says… nothing would have changed and yet everything would have changed…
A week back my kids participated in a religious ceremony at our temple… they sang devotional songs. For the first time in my life… I actually sat through an hour of the songs and then an hour of the prayer service that followed… and not once did I look at the clock… or wondered when they would serve lunch… or thought about the million chores I had to finish at home… I just closed my eyes and sat there enjoying the vibrations of the songs and mantras… and could feel this energy filling me up… there was energy radiating from a point in my head and a point in my heart… First time in my life I actually enjoyed something religious… I actually felt close to God in a temple.
You on the other hand have an advantage… you were always close to God… in my heart I know you will soon enjoy it again… just give it a little time…
-Shanti
FWIW I just added a few more notes on depression to this thread: http://www.aypsite.org/forum/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=968&whichpage=2
Not much to add to the discussion but just wanted to chime in and say that this sure has been a great one to read! Great stuff here. I’ve never had a problem with depression but I’ve been very close to folks who have and I would often say to them the same types of things that Jim is saying here. It’s neat for me to hear that from a person who is so incredibly familiar with depression. Frankly, I just don’t take my emotions that seriously. I’ve seen how trivial and unstable they can be and every since my first heartbreak as a 19 year old, I came to view my emotional state much like I view the weather. If I ever find myself really upset, I just sit back and watch the scenery. The clouds eventually just blow on by. This has come in handy as I have realized that I am, by nature, a very emotional person. It’s genetic I think.
As for the drugs …I just don’t see how mind-altering substances are compatible with true spiritual practice. But that’s just me. Anything that clouds the mind just seems counterproductive. The whole purpose of practice is to gain clarity.