Who (or what) is it that is witnessing? Look deeper!
Who is this “me” that the practices are being done to? Are you the motions or the one witnessing? And can you go deeper with this?
Don’t analyse! Just simply be and look – what is here in this moment? Try to disengange the mind. Space opens up eventually.
Of course you are confused, because you are believing your own thoughts, and fabricating that experience. You are trying to define a sky (awareness) in terms of clouds (mind stuff).
Witnessing is awareness becoming aware of itself. It is the cinema screen on which the film and story of your life (and universe) is projected onto. It is always here, you are just not always fully aware of here (or yourself)! Relax, relax, relax – you can’t “get into” the witness state. Neti, neti – what is left?
One may think of the witness as God, the impartial observer. God loves everything just the way it is, without interfering. Of course, reality is non-dual, so there is only one - “I”.
Who is to say everything is not already done automatically? You are assuming that the person you think you are is the one in charge, in control of everything. Loose control. Look deeper! The body and the mind you associate with can look after itself without “you” in charge.
There is only one!
Keep up the good meditation practices and try not to overanalyse, just go with the flow, relax and enquire!
Didn’t answer your question…lol…true…am in clarity now…let’s split it up (hope that’s ok…)
Have you ever had the experience of the awareness not being attached to anything
Yes. Every day.
As the space that shines…I am not attached to any object…this will come out in many ways…f.ex…today…when walking…the houses…the cars…and everything that takes place…are seen as props. It is just like being on stage in the theatre…none of it is real…and yet I perceive the spaceshine within it…it is the shine that holds everything together…but the shine is the only realness of what I am looking at…
When looking at myself in a mirror…I perceive the body the same way…the shine in the room is what I am…not the flesh in the mirror…the only exception are the eyes…when looking into them…I always start to laugh…LOL…lol…sorry… … … lol***
sorry…I am mad LOL…just writing about it brings this on…LOL*…
There has been way to much seriousness here, see…years and years of seriousness…so when the laugh is like that…there is so much enjoying of it…and sometimes it doesn’t stop for a while…
Yes…
and is free to roam as it pleases, confined by no physical body?
It roams not, Carson. It doesn’t have to…no travelling is necessary. It is already not confined by the physical body. It is as if one is all over the place at the same time…perceiving within the body and outside of the body…but since the vision is not fully developped here (Ajna is being worked on)…what is perceived is simply this fact that I am all over the place…yet cannot see myself…the instant there is trying…or contraction around this intention…there is veiling of what I am…so am just relaxing into myself…and though I see the shine…I am what is behind it…this has taken me up until now to really grasp…that it can never be grasped. It is like being a huge…eye…just like that…and how can I possibly see myself if I am that eye ? Yet there is direct knowing of it…without any image…and the direct knowing of it also knows many other things…it is like a wordless and also imageless inner knowing…I guess you could call it intuition…but it is not quite right. Almost like that…except more certain…because it is like a real taste of everything…
I don’t mean have you tried to make this happen, but has this happened “of itself”?
and it is this (the discription above) that happens of itself…when relaxing into myself…(which is the same as letting go…)
When you say you can see your awareness…then it sounds like you are separate from it…so what makes you say it is the awareness…does what you are looking at feel aware?
I perceived the “shape” and “colour” of something that was…like a different body…a see through body…a light body…that is why I gather this was the subtle body…but I know nothing of these lables, see…
Awareness…is aware of itself. Without looking. It is a direct knowing…not something one sees. At least… that is the experience here…
What is seen…the shine…the 3Dness…is…like a result of…this being aware of oneself…as that nothingness…
Gosh, Carson…this is impossible to put right into words…sorry if it doesn’t make any sense…I don’t understand any of it myself…whenever there was striving to understand…it veiled itself again…much easier to be relaxed in the not-knowing…
These two…is the only thing I understand:
I will never understand it…so can relax always
Everything happens of itself…jiippiii
And when I am being a stubborn viking…there is temporarily forgetting of it…until the bang on the head happens… …
…
…and this way I am gonged back into alignement…
Thanks for asking this question, Carson
As I said to Katrine above, I really don’t “know” how to do this… Everytime I go looking for that which is aware, all I come up with is my awareness. Which isn’t located anywhere, which has no properites, which cannot be defined. This whole “awareness watching awareness” sends me into loops of confusion. I’m sure it is just where I am at on my journey and that someday this will clear itself up.
In this sentence I am referring to the physical body as “me”.
I am the motions, the one percieving the motions and the one the motions are done to.
Yes, I know… … The reason I was asking this question though was because I was confused. And when confusion is seen for what it is, then it is understood and can be left behind easily. Yes, I know one does not need to know everything to be able to leave things behind, but sometimes it is just easier with some issues to figure it out with the mind and then let go, then to try to let go before figuring it out. Know what I mean? Usually if I try to let go before I fully investigate, the issue will surface again later for investigation. Why not work things out as they surface the first time?
And those thoughts I am believing are…? What I was trying to figure out with this thread was whether or not what I was experiencing was what others call “the witness state”. My reason for asking for clarification was because there were some discrepencies between the state I was experiencing and the way others describe the witness state. I’m not sure which thoughts I should not be believing here…perhaps you can enlighten me.
Yes, definitions always seem to be an issue with esoteric, metaphysical and spiritual experiences.
I guess I could see it like that. I more percieved it to be my awareness detaching from the physical body though…that is how it seemed to me.
I don’t try to get into the Witness state. It always happens of itself.
Yes.
I agree that there is a “master plan”, but I also know that we have “free will”. This is another one of those divine paradox’s. There would be no point in us being here if EVERYTHING was automatic and we had no control at all. I agree it is a good idea to lose the thought that we are IN control (of everything), but we also have to remember that we are still responsible for ourselves. We need to surrender but stay responsible. A paradox I know.
Thank you, will do. And again, welcome to the forum!
Love,
Carson
Namaste Katrine! Hope you had a blissful weekend and that you didn’t get a foot of snow like we did here in Calgary! Arg Haha.
I think you took my sentence quoted above in the wrong context… What I was meaning was not whether or not you had had the experience of not being “mindfully” attached to anything with the awareness, but whether or not you had experienced having the awareness being “unbound” from the body. Whether you could (while in the Witness state) leave the body to automatically act on it’s own, and venture off with the awareness…
I can actually relate to this. My entire life up until I started AYP was as serious as it gets. I took EVERYTHING personally and very very seriously. And now, I end up laughing when my wife is crying because I have inadvertantly hurt her… Seems so wrong but is really very liberating. Offensive to some people in certain states of mind, but sometimes I just can’t help it. It happens of itself.
Yes, I can see what you mean. For me there is a choice. And I am trying to keep the decisions conscious. I can choose to stay and Witness, or I can venture off into the astral realms. Or stay in the physical realm with my “astral body” of whatever. But I can totally relate to the “It is as if one is all over the place at the same time…”
Can you explain what you mean by this sentence? It could be taken in so many different ways…“what is perceived is simply this fact that I am all over the place…yet cannot see myself”. I agree that as soon as there is “trying” the veiling returns. It is the same here. As soon as you attach to the state (or even think about it really) it is gone.
Yes…very hard to put into words isn’t it. Knowing that you know, yet not being able to describe how you know. Can be frustrating if you let it be.
I wasn’t speaking very clearly when I said that. I don’t mean that my awareness is watching my awareness…I have yet to really know that experience…but what I meant was that my awareness is able to “see” the mind’s awareness. And disassociate from that. So I guess there are two awarenessess…the mind’s awareness and the awareness that is aware ofthe mind’s awareness…if that makes ANY sense…(it doesn’t even really to me and I’m writing it! Yikes!)
There are two different OBE experiences that I can differentiate between…one in which it is like how you describe, one which is viewed with the Etheric body (or whatever one might call this…I have never seen my Etheric body though, and it is sort of like the “eye knowing it is an eye” example you used above), and then there is one where I am not a body in any way. I am pure white light, in the shape of a sphere/ball, where there is no defining “edge” to the light, it just fades into less light on the edges. (there has only been one time when I actually saw this ball of light though, and it was with my physical eyes as it left the crown of my head…then my vision WAS the ball of light and not the eyes…again if that makes ANY sense…finding it extra hard to put this all to words today)
Yes absolutely agreed.
Still don’t “know” the shine as you call it. Perhaps I have a different word for it…I find it hard to understand exactly what “the shine” is to you.
Good! Glad I’m not the only one!!! Haha.
Ditto.
Yes indeed…a wonderful motto to live by!
Thank God for a good swift knock on the head every once in a while!
Gooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnggggg! haha.
Thanks for taking the time to try and answer a question that isn’t really answerable! Much love my friend!
Love,
Carson
One of my daughters…she can laugh like that …exactly like you explained it…she too had to really force herself to behave like a normal (conditioned) being…I am sorry I was so unaware at the time…
I mean that since I do not see my subtle body…or astral body or whatever…this type of being “free from the body” did not get a chance to be a distraction…So then the jump from having felt myself to be the physical body and then one day suddenly being uncovered as being just…nothingness…it was such a totally…intimately alien…and yet completely real experience…To know…without looking.
Yes…sorry for being daft…lol…the context differ here
Will ramble a bit now…(sorry Carson ):
It is exactly the fact of being “unbound” from the body that is here…without moving an inch. Unboundedness…even though the attention (wonder if this is what you call “the mind’s awareness”…attention is just a mind quality…not awareness)…attention can be on an object…the unboundedness is still obvious…the attention is taking place within what I am…the attention is surrounded by space…
I don’t experience leaving the body to automatically act on it’s own. What I experience is that the body is already acting on its own…the acting happens of itself. So this is a fact… whether staying or leaving. Just like it does when sleeping…except that the so called “willfullness” during daytime is also not done by anyone. Nobody is actually doing anything…that is why this is so hard to explain. The only thing the “me”…or the identification with the attention…or with the lightbody (soul?)…is “doing”…is being “in the way” of this perceiving…it is the identification with the “doing” …just the very swimming along with it…be it with…or without the body…it is this “swimming along” that is taken to be “control”. But it is not. It is illusion. It is the “swimming along” that is the “free will”…that choice to identify this way. That’s all. All else is a result of this choice…but there is no “swimmer”…and no “chooser”…see? Paradox…upon paradox…but only if identified with “go figure”…lol…
I cannot leave my body at will like you…or rather…I can…but only through the crown…and I am told I am not prepared properly for that But I have so far had no desire to leave the body to roam…there are enough objects to detach from in this dimension…not to speak of all the others :-)…it is so easy to get attached here, see…am hopeless this way (what if I fall in love with an angel? )…lol… However… …this is not up for voting…whenever life finds it proper…there will be roaming within other dimensions. But it is as if the nothingness…it is already as if nothing compares to essence anyway…nothing compares to this peace…this love…but actually seeing…and actually interacting with beings in other dimensions…sounds a lot of …awsome, sacred…FUN lol
Also…during the healings…the room is thick with love from other…beings. I don’t see them…but I perceive them (I call it…“the love thickens”…with other frequences…hues). The clients see them, though…very often. So…other dimensions…are coming here…and all is well.
It is wonderful that you can travel like that Carson…amazing what you can see. I look forward to hearing of your travels one day :-)(who knows…maybe we’ll meet lol on the highway…lol…you in a Porche…or Firebird…and me in a rusty old Honda (my first car…when i lived in Austin…got attached to that one too…lol)
Just remember that it is YOU…the seer of it…that is the peace…If you see awareness as an object…be it light or anything…then it is not you as essence. Know that.
The Shine is simply clear, clear light that…“comes off” everything I look at. Including space. The shine lives…sometimes there are added qualities. It can be joyshine…it can be loveshine…it can be laughshine…or it is only just chrystalshine…it took a long time before perceiving that even this was not the essence…I see it…but I am it…and that which I am…not a letter…not a syllable…much less a word…can be said about it. I understand it not at all.
Carson…sorry for once again having not answered your question…lol…
am hopeless…
Much love to you too
Hi,and sorry for the break in conversation:
“Also…during the healings…the room is thick with love from other…beings. I don’t see them…but I perceive them (I call it…“the love thickens”…with other frequences…hues). The clients see them, though…very often. So…other dimensions…are coming here…and all is well.”
What a wonderful channel you must be Katrine.Thanks for sharing this.
Hello Katrine and thank you for continuing to converse with me on this…I know this conversation is really kinda pointless and “mindy” so I appreciate you being willing to try to help me figure this out.
Want to do a “house swap”? Trade countries for a year or so? I loved Norway when I was there as a teenager and would love to go back someday. (never made it to a single town or city in Norway though…spent the whole time snowboarding the backcountry .
Thank God this isn’t how I instinctually react to everything right now, but I can forsee this being the way it will be in the future, so I am working now on being able to keep it under control when necessary. I really hate trying to explain to irrate people why they should be laughing as well! Most of the time they just can’t see things the way I do…funny for me, not for them . Sometimes creates more tension rather then lessening it. All depends on the people involved I guess.
I mean that since I do not see my subtle body…or astral body or whatever…this type of being “free from the body” did not get a chance to be a distraction…So then the jump from having felt myself to be the physical body and then one day suddenly being uncovered as being just…nothingness…it was such a totally…intimately alien…and yet completely real experience…To know…without looking.
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I think my experience is different then yours simply because I have had such a long history with Ketamine use/abuse. I think having this much experience with not being “in” the body, that when it happened naturally I was much more able to accept it. It reminded me of how I have felt hundreds of times before and it probably wasn’t as jarring for me as I imagine it was for you. Maybe, maybe not…who knows.
You’re not daft, we both know this . The differing context was likely due to poorly stating my point more then anything.
YES!! YES YES YES!!! Exactly how I feel. And yeah, my use of the words “mind awareness” should be replaced with “attention”. A much more accurate word to use, thank you. (Funny how I need grammar correction from you, a non-native-English speaker. Kinda sad actually Haha). Anyways, I can very much relate to having the attention still being active, yet being detached from that attention and observing it from a place of pure awareness. This must be why I can get “caught” experiencing only particular aspects of my exeperience at any given time, and not always perceiving the entire whole at all times. Thank you.
Well, that is likely 'cause you are much further along in your journey then I am in mine. This “witness state” only happens to me during practices and even then not always.
You speak with such depth and yet it flows as if it is nothing. I realize this is hard to talk about (words don’t do justice) but you certainly do a pretty darn good job of it!! You are very right in that there is noone doing anything. If there is, it is the “I” getting in the way by identifying with the doing. Profound. Thank you again.
I like this analogy. Because if we don’t swim, we drown, so we take the swimming as us controlling the situation. But really there is no control as when we stop, so does life. And we don’t have to swim for our destination, we can fight the current all the way…but eventually we will all end up in the ocean, either tired from fighting or liberated from letting go. Perfect. I love it.
I cannot leave my body at will unless I am in the witness state. And I can not “induce” the witness state. But once this “state” happens to me, I am able to leave the body to itself and it’s motions, and I can just BE. It is in this BEing, that there are no boundaries.
Is it you who has told yourself that you are not properly prepared to leave the body through the crown or was it someone external?
Haha, so true.
You are right… There is no need to do astral travelling…there is plenty to work on here in this dimension. But FYI, I am not interested in Astral Travelling. I have done enough of that. Meeting non-human entities is confusing for me anyways. I have never been interested in communcation with spirits or angels or demons or whatever people call them these days .
It sounds like you have a whole host of helpers with you Katrine…how wonderful. I would very much like to meet you and partake in one of these healings some day.
Hahaha…now I know you have never met me!!! I have never owned a decent vehicle in my life. You should picture me driving a Ford Festiva 'cause that is much more realistic then a Porsche! (I had a Festiva for many years ) I’m sure someday our paths will cross, in one dimension or another , haha.
I don’t know if I agree with this. The time I was talking about, the time where I saw myself as a ball of pure white light, I am pretty sure that was the essence of my awareness. Of course I could be wrong, but I don’t think so. This happened on an extremely high dose of Ketamine, and I had had some very different physical reactions then ever before. Usually as soon as the “K” vibrations are felt, and the “carrier wave” is heard, there is no more feeling in the body within a minute or two. But this time it was like there was a delayed physical reaction and only the spirit was affected at first. This left my eyes open during the first 5 minutes or so of the trip. This had never happened before and it never happened again. In this instance, as my “energy” left my body, I physically saw it leaving. (but at the same time I also saw the “body” perceiving the “essence”…it was like looking in the mirror kinda). I can not describe the split in awareness properly that happened during this 5 minutes, as I have never experienced anything like this before or since. But there was a moment or two when I was in two places at the same time. To me I would almost call this “bi-location” except that the two locations were the same if that makes any sense. And I WAS able to see my energy as it left, right before I was “snapped” into one single awareness. (this happened the instant my body hit the breaking point of anaesthetism.)
Wow…Can honestly say I have never experienced “The Shine” when sober. It sounds pretty similar to some trips I have had on ayahausca, where light permeates everything, just in different concentrations, but I can’t imagine living everyday life like this…Is it physically/emotionally/spiritually taxing being constantly bombarded with what I would consider “esoteric sight”? Do you wish you could turn it off ever?
You don’t need to answer my questions with answers. Answering my questions with questions is just as helpful…thank you.
Hopelessly AWESOME!!! Haha…have a great evening and thanks again Katrine!
Love,
Carson
Hi Miguel
Thank you too…I always see it as…that it is the heart of the client that draws these beings
I am very grateful…to be open like this…and being allowed to be near all these wonderful hearts
Actually…noone gets in the way. The identifying with the doing…it is this that “is” the “i”. If there is no identification…then there is no “i” either…funny isn’t it…
That is why you were never able to find it see…lol…there is noone…lol…i is not real, see…it is just a word…lol…
…LOL::::::
Yes…lol…since you assume…that you are the attention…but you are not…you are before it :-)…so noone is confused…there is simply confusion…scatteredness of the presence :-)…of the intelligence…
Night Carson
Well…the thing is…that it wasn’t jarring…yes,it is completely different than anything ever imagined …but very, very blissful.
See…I never experience it as not being “in” the body. I am in the body and at the same time the body is in what I am. But the difference between being fully identified with the thoughtbundle “i” and the bodysensation that go with it…the difference between this and being here as this very ordinary… simple intimacy…it is not like anything ever expected. It is so simple…
Let me say this another way…when assuming oneself to be the thoughtbundle “i”…then…the attention will…because of interest…be “driven outward” …attention will be on that which moves away from the depth of the moment…And there is so much of it!..it is what the ideaworld is…both this world and others…
When trying the “awareness watching awareness”…then something is made into a “task”. As if attention is an “entity that watches”…and it is not. Not even Awareness is watching Awareness. Awareness is watching everything else. Itself…it just is. No looking. Only being. Tasting everything. This taste is sight.
Deep meditation is like dipping oneself in source/awareness. After meditation…because of the bath in source…the attention will naturally be less wandering…less interested in what moves. One way of taking advantage of this …and nourish it further… is to let the attention always go further into the moment whenever the possiblity is here. Attention can be on anything that is actually taking place (for so many of us it is on that which is not happening)…like sensing the fingers touching the keys…sensing the breath in the body…sensing the pain in the knee…the wind on the cheek…the paper in the hand…the beauty of nature…the twinkle in an eye…all these are also source…because the NOW is where source is. So to pay attention to what is actually here is great.
To choose this…to always come back to the body/nature…is a bridge…between the attention and awareness. Then attention “melts into the moment”…the moment itself “eats it”…and the being all over the place is dis-covered. Eventually one is naturally in the moment…not needing the bridge…but enjoying it instead.
This was poorly stated on my part. What i mean is that…leaving through the crown is not necessary. When everything is already here…where would I go?..
It is simply a strong intuition here - thanks to all the writings in the AYP material…coupled with a wordless inner message…to be careful with attention on the crown…because then the surges would explode out of it…just like it did through the heart the other day. And I payed for that. It was not fun. The nervous system is not ready for explosions like that…that is what I ment. A lot is going out of…and coming in through the crown as it is. No need to explode
Yes…that would be great
Of course we have already met…here …I am very grateful for all the inspiration.
Absolutely not. I am far from further along anything or anyone. I am no different than anyone else here. It is just that there is realization of this sameness. That’s all. There is forgetting…and remembering…and detouring…and yet…all of it is ok…all of it is still happening within that which I am.
To neither swim, nor stop… is choiceless flowing
Good afternoon(?) Katrine…Thank you for your post…
I went back and re-read what you originally wrote and realized you wrote that the experience was “intimately alien”, not “jarring”. Sorry for making an assumption. I guess I was likely projecting how I felt the first time I took a high dose of Ketamine and hit the “K” hole. THAT was jarring . But also, blissful. So blissful in fact that the first time I did K I was psychologically hooked. As soon as the hour was up (that’s how long a K trip lasts) and I wasn’t high again, I injected another dose and tripped again I loved it so much. And then again after that trip was over. This was the day my love affair started with Ketamine. Thank God I have got to a point in my life where despite the fact that I can have these experiences without drugs, I am not attached to having them and am not searching for my next OBExperience. There is growth.
Hmmmmm…I guess I can understand that…and I think this would be the/a line of demarcation between a Ketamine trip and the Witness state…on a K trip you can’t identify with the body…you can’t feel it…It might as well be someone else’s body. In the Witness state I can still feel the body. Not acutely, but I can feel the bodies “energy” for lack of a better term. This isn’t possible on Ketamine. Thanks for helping me clarify this in my own head.
When I was talking about “trying” the “Awareness Watching Awareness thing” I was specifically referring to a type of meditation called “AWA” or “Awareness Watching Awareness”…Here is a link to an explanation of how this is done: http://www.albigen.com/uarelove/awa_instructions.aspx
I understand what you are saying and I know the differences between the attention and the awareness, but “looking” for the awareness sends me into confusion loops. It’s too simple, or it’s too profound to be that simple or something. I can’t put words to why this activity is so “mind boggling”…(hahahaha, just had a breakthrough due to my own words! Hahahahahahaha!!! Mind boggling, THERE’s the problem!!! Hahahahahaha. Sorry to put you through all this mind crap!)
Yes…soaking up the essence now…
Sounds so EASY!!! Hahahaha…
I see what you are saying now…But in my experience, leaving the body through the crown like I have experienced does not require any attention to be placed there. This just happens of itself with no effort whatsoever.
YOU are grateful for the inspiration!!! Haha… Imagine how I must feel then!! Hahaha
So humble
You suggest floating? Thanks for everything Katrine…you are a wonderful inspiration as always. Much Love.
Love,
Carson
Yes. There is immense growth.
And it is a miracle…it is so beautiful what grace makes possible once one’s attitude and willpower is strongly turned towards what is sacred in life…I find it amazing what you have been through Carson…It is very beautiful…the change in you Thank you for always sharing so freely…
Don’t worry about that
Looking for awareness…implies that it is something “other than you” here…not like the question “who am I?”
It has no answer that question…it just has…direction. Inwards.
Of course…here too…one looks with an expectation of finding something…I don’t know what the word “boggling” means…but it sounds shattering lol…
What happens if you let go of this knowing…
Great
Have you considered that YOU are not confused at all?
Mind activity is confusion…mind can never be certain of anyting, see…very whimsical mind is…but all along…you are that which is aware of the confusion. THAT is you. Completely wordless…imageless…
It is too simple for the mind to grasp. Because it is openness. And mind cannot grasp openness. It can only sink into it…and be still.
It is not humble…it is a fact. The fact is that we all struggle according to our own…soil. Every step of the way…is equally challenging. Nobody is “further ahead” than anyone else. Our human nature is here all the time…I’d much rather never forget this…and whatever happens that brings more light through…is never due to our “personal make-up”…it is always grace operating.
It is subtle, Carson. I do not feel bombarded. It has happened gradually and over time. One adapts to it. The Shine is not like a flood light…it is …like an added aspect to everything…but it is subtle, so doesn’t at all feel intrusive. It is gentle love.
You know…and this has only been felt quite like this for the past year or so…what is physically/emotionally/spiritually taxing with all this…is when the darkness comes to visit. See…everyting is felt so acutely…so when the darkness is here…it is like being…deprived of all meaning…the chest is like an open, raw wound…the hollowness is terrible…(this is not like the longing…it is an actual breach)
This happens whenever there is …what is perceived to be “rising in the frequency”…I have no better word for it…because I don’t really know the workings of it. It is as if opening to the light also can hurt. In these transitional periods…there is unstableness. And what normally don’t “enter” behind the light protection…is here as a challenge to overcome. It is like an increased vulnerablity…on all levels. It is like this happens before there is greater perception. It has to do with purification also…so in overload…like the one I just went through…issues of separeteness can surface (this is also due to the contrast…and issues rising because of this… of living by myself after having taken care of a family for 21 years.)…and doubt can come…and it takes all the strength there is…to not drown in it…to not give in to it…to not “fill it” in non-true ways. …and in those hours…I feel the burden of being alone in this “spreading the truth endeavor” (this is just the mind’s idea of it)…as if it is too much of a responsibility…all weaknesses here are then magnified…and there is temporarily forgetting of the context. But even then…there is never “regretting of awakening”…thank God And even then…the Shine is seen…and there is still looking in the mirror and seeing that the body is not what I am. It is just that the sense of darkness is strong.
The sensitivity is already great…so during overload…it is even greater…so then…then thoughts of being around a live guru can come…you know…to hop on a flight to India or something…or fly through cyberspace and wake up Yogani from sound sleep lol. Luckily there is no money for that…India i mean…so I stay home…and everything always resolves perfectly. Guru or not
Usually …these challenging times does not last long. Hours…a day…2 at the most…If I remember to pray for guidence…there will be instant relief… …but sometimes there is forgetting of this simple practise…mostly because of the stubbornness here…
Not ever.
Not a single day passes by…that I don’t cry inside…or openly…for the gift of being alive like this.
This loving generosity of…?What Is?.. that answers our prayers is humbling and touches the heart so deeply when recognized. So much gratitude rises in response. Thank you Katrine for writing about It.
“Mind boggling” is an expression used to indicate something that sends the mind spinning off in confusion.
What happens if you let go of this knowing…
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I dissolve? I grow up?
No, I had not considered this…but I am now…
Very fitting thank you. It’s like trying to grasp “space”… you can put a fence up, you can build walls, but you can never really “hold onto” it.
Yes, grace is what allows us to move forward… You seem “steeped” in grace to me though .
Yeah I know this feeling well. I think our ratios of darkness to “light” is probably inverse… I find it invigorating when the light comes to visit and spend most of my life in darkness. (just being honest Haha.)
This is exactly how I felt when in the process of dropping my marijuana addiction. Aboslutely unbearbly “vulnerable” on all levels. Looking for something to “fill it”. Passing through these times always fills me with a great sense of relief as these are some of the hardest times I have had to face. Drowning in the vulnerability of existance.
I sometimes go through periods of sensitivity, but in general I think I am of average sensitivity. And I think if I showed up on a guru’s ashram steps in India…man, I don’t know what kinda reception I would get Haha…I can only imagine. Haha. A live guru to me sounds like a “pipe dream”…fantasy…something completely unattainable and not worth even entertaining the thought of. Just seems so absolutely impossible for someone like me to study under a live guru.
Yeah, I get into a “funk” every so often, and sometimes there is recognition of it, and the ability to see through it, but lots of times I am forgetful as well of my true nature, which is not, “funky”, . I’m more groovy .
Not ever.
Not a single day passes by…that I don’t cry inside…or openly…for the gift of being alive like this.
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Yes, I too thank God everyday for the opportunities I have been given…Thank you for taking the time to converse
Love,
Carson
Yes…this featherly…gentle like that…vast…father-like…loving essence…
I sat in the kitchen after the AYP meditation group left today…eating in silence…looking at the painting of Jesus Christ praying to the light…
Digesting why there had to be letting go of him…because it is his ways that speaks of essence It is compassion, love, wisdom…it is these that are the focal…emanations… of now/silence.
It resolved another issue too…it confirmed that loving another’s essence can never be attachment. All love is well. All love is pure in and of itself. And love is not up for vote…“stay” or “stay not”… it is to be elected by… It lives forever if left to captain the boat like that. It is the stories we tell of it …the images we hold on to…it is these that binds. It is so easy to stay detatched when keeping a distance…like turning my face away from Jesus. It is much more challenging to put the hand on the face …allow all the love…and be still with it…but this is the only way it stays. In an open hand…
After stopping the heart breathing (replaced it with 2 min of SBP)…letting go of the image of Jesus Christ…and gradually regaining balance… as has happened so many times before…when letting go of that which I love…it comes to stay by itself.
So he sits in my heart…and brought the father-like essence with him…which is…like a …something to forever be taken by…intimate love…like …breathless breath…like a feather at rest.
It is like the times where had to let go of the shine in order for it to be permanently visible. Just like this.
So…when through challenges…there is “forgetting” of this fact…then prayer brings it forth immediately. Like you say Andrew…very humbling…and very…silencing…
And thank you for highlighting this
Hello CarsonZi, Katrine,
Thank you for sharing your footprints into enlightenment.
If it’s any comfort, this awareness is it. It deepens over time so much of what you have read will come of it’s own accord as you relax into it.
Katrine explains it perfectly. So does Byron Katie, Krishnamurti … many others.
Namaste
Relax, relax, relax – you can’t “get into” the witness state. Neti, neti – what is left?
…
… The reason I was asking this question though was because I was confused. And when confusion is seen for what it is, then it is understood and can be left behind easily. Yes, I know one does not need to know everything to be able to leave things behind, but sometimes it is just easier with some issues to figure it out with the mind and then let go, then to try to let go before figuring it out. Know what I mean? Usually if I try to let go before I fully investigate, the issue will surface again later for investigation. Why not work things out as they surface the first time?
Haha.
Much love my friend!
):
) I’m sure someday our paths will cross, in one dimension or another 
Thank you for always sharing so freely…
And even then…the Shine is seen…and there is still looking in the mirror and seeing that the body is not what I am. It is just that the sense of darkness is strong.